The Sonia Show

Warning: This show contains nerdy humor, cartoon violence and foul language.

The 10 Least Popular Facebook Status Messages

55 Comments

Yeah, so, last week on Facebook I had a status that said, “Sonia Mansfield will show you on the doll where the bad man touched her.”

I thought it was hilarious. Some people said it was funny, while other people told me it made them cringe (which really makes it even funnier in my book).

So anyway, it got me thinking about the least popular Facebook status messages. Here’s 10 that I came up with, but keep in mind that I’m saying they are unpopular, so just save your “I’m offended” emails and comments.

_____________ is suffering from an outbreak.

_____________ was touched by an uncle.

_____________ wants the terrorists to win.

_____________ thinks Jay Leno is hilarious.

_____________ doesn’t give a shit about Dafur.

_____________ thinks breast cancer isn’t all bad.

_____________ doesn’t know who her real father is.

_____________ thinks people suffering from depression just need to rub some dirt on it and walk it off.

_____________ has this strange rash.

_____________ thinks homeless people are just lazy.

Author: Sonia Mansfield

I'm a writer/mocker/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, talk smack, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

55 thoughts on “The 10 Least Popular Facebook Status Messages

  1. I wanted to keep this list at 10, but Aaron encouraged me to add this one …

    _______________ is afraid of black people.

  2. ____________ thinks whores get a bad rap.

  3. ________was elected president of the Chicks With Dicks Association.

  4. _________ admires Paula Abdul.

  5. _____________spent the night waiting in line for Hanson tickets.

  6. __________ thinks your AIDS is a downer.

  7. __________ has a favorite child.

  8. __________ wasn’t pro-choice until you came along.

  9. ____________secretly enjoys being constipated.

  10. __________ attended Karen’s party, but skipped Dylan’s.

  11. ___________ thought Gandhi was a douchebag.

  12. ___________blogs out of loneliness.

  13. __________ pees on the toilet seat on purpose.

  14. ______________ invented the money-shot

  15. ______________ thinks she was asking for it.

  16. __________ thinks rape is kinda sexy.

  17. _______________contacted a local columnist and forced him into an uncomfortable friendship

  18. _____________ doesn’t care about starving people in Africa.

  19. __________ genuinely believes the Nazis got a bum wrap.

  20. ____________ thought Hitler was kinda cute.

  21. ________enjoyed a mustache ride from Hitler.

  22. ___________ loves anal rape.

  23. ________________believes orphans are orphans for a reason.

  24. ________________thinks the Golden Rule is overrated.

  25. ___________ farts and then pretends she didn’t do it.

  26. _______________believes animals need love too, but draws the line at cuddling afterwards.

  27. ________________was the second shooter.

  28. _______________wastes INORDINATE amounts of company time.

  29. HeyJoe, I think that one is more popular than you think.

  30. _____________ is hardly ever gay anymore.

  31. ______________ is a fan of “Fox & Friends.”

  32. ________hopes that hooker doesn’t remember where he lives.

  33. ___________respects your right to kill unborn children

    ___________figured out that he can fit two fingers in his child’s butthole.

    ___________thinks skinheads have some pretty smart ideas.

    ___________wants all republicans to die by lethal injection

    ___________wants all Christians to finally accept that there is no god

    ___________thinks the colored fella might make a fine president.

    ___________argues Hitler’s genius was largely misunderstood.

    ___________respects your right to choose, just not to choose an abortion.

    ___________will gladly teach your child how to masturbate.

    ___________wishes he could cum prodigiously.

    ___________is fascinated with the mindlessly false dichotomy between “authentic” and “fake” people.

    ___________thinks gay people have every right to enter into the seventh circle of hell that is marriage.

    ___________ does a terrific Down’s Syndrome impression

    ___________ can smell his own asshole

    ___________respects and admires every person who claims he or she just “is”

    ___________is bow hunting the homeless

    ___________ hired the funniest retard

    ___________is scratching his itchy asshole

  34. You, sir, spent some time on your list!

  35. ____ is rocking the visible panty lines.

  36. ____ didn’t wash her hands.

  37. ____ smells her own farts.

  38. ____ buys beer for underage drinkers.

  39. ____ forgot the baby in the car.

  40. ____ likes to talk about her period.

  41. ___ would like to tell you about her special dietary needs and food allergies.

  42. ___ forwards Internet jokes to everyone in her address book.

  43. ____ can quote every Simpsons episode. =-P

  44. ___ thinks she has a great sense of humor.

  45. Sara, all of these are gold! Pure gold!

  46. ____keeps reading facebook statuses and when mother sais to go do something i say i am doing something very important and cant talk right no bye.

  47. ___ wants to be the owner of face book

  48. ____ thinks face book is a serious waste of time.

  49. ____ thinks a girl who likes to write, eat, drink, talk smack, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, feed her unhealthy obsession with pop culture, do yoga, make fun of people behind their backs, walk the dog, go to the movies, talk about TV, live out loud, listen in on strangers’ conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, add things to her ever-expanding Shit List, and post personal things about herself on the web for all to read is full of C R A P.

  50. Most of these are unpopular in the sense that a lot of people won’t like them or will be offended by them but they will actually be popular in terms of the number of comments you will receive from them.

    Depends how you look at it I guess?

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