Real babies don't eat quiche

January 3, 2013 by The Sonia Show | 11 Comments

Yeah, so, like everyone else I’ve made a New Year’s resolution that I’m sure to break by February.

I’ve decided to cook more.

I’ve been inspired by my friends, who have a great ability to just whip up tasty dishes. I do not have that ability, but I’m hoping to change that in 2013.

Sure, I cook a little now. I make breakfast, lunch and dinner for the Spawn. He eats way better than we do. I like to make mini-pumpkin pies for holiday parties, and I’ve made some pretty good deviled eggs in my day. But I don’t really cook dinner for us. I just warm things up. David does most of the cooking. I just open a bag of salad. At 42, I should be able to cook. It’s kinda sad.

So, I got a jump start on my resolution. Last week I made enchiladas for the first time. Mighty, mighty good man David and good buddies Beegs and Sass were my guinea pigs. And while the enchiladas didn’t look pretty, they did taste pretty good, so I consider it mild success.

The next day I made a quiche for the first time. I used leftover ham from the Christmas dinner at my parents’ place. I threw in some spinach and some cheese. It was so easy! I had no idea.

My first quiche was such a delicious success that I made a second quiche sans the ham on New Year’s Day. I had a slice, and I chopped up a slice for the Spawn, too.

Here’s when this whole Sonia-is-cooking thing went wrong …

The Spawn eats the quiche and rubs it all over his face. He immediately starts getting red and itchy. Ugh. This has happened before. On his birthday, we gave him a chocolate cupcake that he rubbed on his face and immediately became red and itchy. So, we whisked him off to a bath to wash all the quiche off. Of course, I start fretting and worrying: “He’s had spinach before. He’s had eggs before. He’s had cheese before.” The truth is, Calvin is just an itchy kid — pretty much anything he rubs on his face is going to make him red and itchy.

After the bath, he looked a lot better. David and The Boy sat in kid’s bedroom and read books. And then it happened … The Boy threw up. He threw up all over himself, the book and David. He didn’t get upset. He looked confused: “Why is all this food coming out of my mouth?” He’s never thrown up before. It was scary (for us), and sad and gross.

I’m confused but happy to report that I didn’t throw up as well. When my niece Lorelei was a baby she threw up on me. I started dry heaving, and I almost threw up on her. They say it’s different when it’s your kid. I guess that’s true, because I didn’t throw up this time.

So anyway, we rushed The Boy back to the bath.

I start fretting again: “This is my fault. I’m so stupid. He’s had spinach before. He’s had eggs before. He’s had cheese before. What did I do wrong? [the tears are starting to come] This is my fault. I poisoned him. I shouldn’t be cooking.”

Calvin made a complete recovery within minutes. He was in a great mood, all smiles and playing. See?

I, on the other hand, was a wreck. Later, after The Boy and David are cleaned up and playing, I threw the quiche in the trash. Even though I had a slice and didn’t get sick, I worried that there was something wrong with it. Also, after cleaning up vomited quiche, David wasn’t planning on having any quiche for a while.

I called my mom, and she talked me down: “Kids get sick. Maybe he just doesn’t like quiche. Now you know.” Then David talked me down: “A quiche is kinda rich and dense. Maybe it’s just not good for babies. He’s not ready for quiche. We didn’t know. Now we know.”

The whole experience isn’t exactly building up my confidence for the “I’m going to cook more in 2013″ resolution.

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