The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.



Yeah, so, tomorrow is my birthday, but that’s not important.

Monday was mighty, mighty good kid Calvin’s birthday. Now that’s important! We had his party on Sunday. We invited his favorite people to the Germ Peek-A-Boo Factory for pizza, cupcakes, cookies and running around screaming in a padded play structure. A good time was had by the kids all.

In the past I have found hosting a kid’s birthday party to be a little stressful. And every year I say, “I’m not going to stress out, because that’s stupid.” And every year I stress out. I worry that people are not going to have a good time, which is ridiculous. No one goes to a little kid’s birthday party to not have a good time. No one that I would invite is going to sit there with their arms crossed, “This party is super shitty, Sonia, AS USUAL.” I mean, I do that at all the parties I host, because I am awful to myself, but no one else would do that to me.

Adults can handle a few hours of kid party. That’s what they signed up for by having kids. They get it. It’s the kids that matter, and they’ll play with a cardboard box and eat their boogers, so they don’t exactly have discriminating taste. The Peek-A-Boo Factory is like little kid heaven. All the kids LOVED it. All of the kids had to be dragged out against their will. You’re welcome, parent friends.

Anyway, as I said, I got stressed out anyway – mainly because I decided to bake cupcakes and cookies instead of just buying stuff like an intelligent person. Well, I don’t think I was really that worked up about baking. I think it had more to do the fact that it’s been a really crazy year, and my baby isn’t a baby anymore. BUT focusing on the baking was easier than dealing with my feelings. Ha ha. Take that, feelings.

I have really good vegan cupcake and cookie recipes, but I don’t have a good vegan frosting recipe. The day before Calvin’s party probably wasn’t a good time to test out a new recipe. The vegan frosting was a fail. It was runny, and David said it tasted kinda funny. I didn’t know how to thicken it up without making it even more sweet when it was already really sweet.

I was on the verge of tears that the frosting didn’t work out when mighty, mighty good man David said, “You’re being crazy.”

“Oh my god! You’re right. I am being crazy,” I replied.

“As long as you can see it, too, you’re fine,” he said.

Then I opened the cans of frosting I bought as a backup, and we had delicious cupcakes. The frosting wasn’t vegan. It contained some chemical that could be animal or vegetable based. Meh. I decided to leave a couple of cupcakes unfrosted, because Calvin likes them that way anyway, and that way I could have one, too. Plus, I think my cupcakes are great without frosting, if I don’t say so myself. #humblebrag


I did all the baking.


And he did all the eating.


Fantastic 4 cupcake with the little stickers we make every year for Calvin’s birthday.

After the party at The Factory, my family came over to our place, and we drank beer and grilled.

Side story: My parents arrived at our house before we did. My dad helped him to a Firestone Walker IPA. When I arrived I saw he was drinking it.

“Umm, Dad. Do you want a Corona? We bought Corona just for you,” I said.

“Yes. This beer is terrible.” He handed me the beer, and it was half empty. I don’t know whether to think it’s hilarious that my dad would drink half a beer that he thinks is terrible or if I should be concerned.


Calvin is “helping.”

So anyway, this was Calvin’s best birthday yet. He had an amazing time, and this year he actually understood that it was his birthday. He loved seeing all his favorite people. He enjoyed opening and playing with all his presents, and he enjoyed all the special attention you get when it’s your birthday. That’s a huge improvement over his previous birthdays, in which he would take David’s hand and try to leave the party. I am so proud of my boy. He is awesome.

As for my birthday, well, I’m 45. That’s right. Not 29 again. I’m not celebrating my 39th birthday for the sixth time, or the other things people say because they don’t want to admit how old they are. I’m 45. I earned to the right to be 45. Honestly, 44 wasn’t a great year for me. I’m looking forward to 45. This year is going to be rad. That’s right. I said RAD!

Good buddies Kate and Corso are coming over to Calvin sit, and David is going to take me out to dinner at Souley Vegan and beer at my happy place, The Good Hop. What else could a girl ask for?


These guys are the best gifts ever.

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Formal where?

Yeah, so, I noticed the other day in my contacts on my phone that it still refers to my mighty, mighty good man David by his first and last name.


Apparently, I think my phone will ring and it will say “David,” and I’ll wonder, “David who? I guess I’ll answer it. Oh, David my husband. That guy. Right. I remember him.”

We like to keep things formal in the MansTracy household. I mean, we’ve only been together for almost seven years and married for more than 5 years. First and last names are still  appropriate, right?


In other news, have I mentioned that I dyed my hair? I really don’t have that much hair to dye, but I did it anyway. The gray, to be honest, kinda bummed me out. I’m 44. Everyone knows that 44 is the new 40, and 40 is too young to be gray. I’m not ready to be gray yet. Maybe I’ll never be ready. I’ll always dye my hair red and look like Mona from “Who’s The Boss?”.


Actually, right now I wish I had Mona’s hair.


One of the kinda cool things about coloring my hair now is I can clearly see where hair growing in. The hair growing in is soft and gray. So, in between the red hairs, there are little, fuzzy gray hairs. I can see where the hair is filling in. And yeah, my hair is very curly. A lot of chemo patients say their hair grows back curly, and now I am one of them. For the first time in my life, I’ll have curly hair, just like my mom and sister. I’ll look like I’m related to them. What a treat!

My eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to grow back in, too. By the time the holidays come around, I might look less like a chemo patient and more like a cool, chic woman who chose a pixie cut. It could happen, you guys.

I had some blood work done the other day. That was my first trip to Kaiser in several weeks, which is pretty exciting for someone who was going there a few times a week for six months.

I am happy to report that my blood work looked great, because I love talking about my blood. I have a bumper sticker on my car that says, “Ask me about my blood.” My white cell blood count has doubled since finishing chemo at the end of August. Chemo didn’t ruin everything. My cholesterol and blood sugar levels, and all that crap, are normal. Oh, and I’ve lost a few pounds, too. I’m finally starting to shed what I’ve been calling my Cancer 10. I put on 10 pounds since the mastectomy in January, and I didn’t even bother to try to lose it while doing chemo, because that would be ridiculous. I’ve lost half of the Cancer 10 since finishing chemo. I see no reason I won’t shed the rest in October since a lot of the really tasty Halloween candy isn’t vegan it will be easy to resist.

The blood work result is really great news, because I have one more surgery to go through, and I didn’t want any delays. I know, I know. More surgery. It’s OK to be jealous. This is my reconstruction surgery. The plastic surgeon is going to make me better, stronger, faster. Well, better anyway. I’m too lazy to be stronger or faster. I’ll have fresh, new knockers. I can’t wait to get the surgery over with, because I want to sit on my ass for a week and watch TV again recover. After this surgery I will be done DONE. And, I’ll have a bunch of clothes I can wear again. I haven’t been able to wear some of my shirts and dresses that show how uneven I am up top. I have a silicone implant on the left side, and a tissue expander on the right side that is larger. On October 8, the doc is going to replace the expander with an implant, and he’s going to replace the left one with a better, slightly larger implant to match the right side. My boobs will be the same size for the first time in a long time. Imagine that! I’m not going to have huge boobs, you guys. I’ll still look like I always do. Sorry to disappoint those of you that were hoping I was going to go full-on “Real Housewives” this time around.

So anyway, it has been hot in San Francisco – uncharacteristically hot. Really hot.


One of the many things I love about San Francisco is that it doesn’t get too hot. Maybe once or twice a year, San Francisco will hit 80 degrees, and the streets split open and everyone loses their mind. It’s complete madness. FYI: No one in San Francisco has air conditioning. Air conditioning in San Francisco is called “opening your windows.” Well, opening your windows doesn’t really work when the city hits 100 degrees.

I don’t want to whine about the weather. There are a lot of other places with way more extreme weather, so that would make me a huge asshole. BUT, I will say that I am ready for fall to start. I have a slew of dresses and knee-high boots that are not going to wear themselves, people.


My toddler is a little boy

Yeah, so, my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin is going to be 4 years old next week.

I know, right?! He not even a toddler anymore. He’s a little boy. I mean, look at this kid.


It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago that I was evicting this kid from my uterus. If you want to read all about it, you can click riiight here. It’s a long blog post. It’s not as long as J.R.R. Tolkien’s “The Hobbit,” but I bet Peter Jackson could get two movies out of it.

He is such a great kid. I’m so proud of him. He is very sweet and affectionate. He’s got a great sense of humor. He’s working really hard with his speech therapist and his specialists. He is talking more and more. He’s making more eye contact. He’s participating more. He is improving so much every day. Suck on that, autism.

At preschool, they had a little project where they asked the children questions and made a little “All About Me” poster. I love Calvin’s poster so much. I had to share it. I’m sorry if that makes me a mommy blogging asshole. I’ve accepted my fate. [hands you a business card that says, Sonia Mansfield/Mommy Blogging Asshole]


Can you guess my favorite part? Look closer.


When he grows up he wants to be Calvin.

I’m sure his fellow students listed superheroes, doctors, scientists or maybe animals, because hey, they’re in preschool. In preschool, if you asked me what I wanted to be I’m sure I would have said, “Cowboy.” Not “cowgirl” by the way. I would have said “cowboy.” Toddler Sonia was sexist as hell.

Calvin just wants to be Calvin. Good answer, kid.

I saw the poster, and I read it out loud to Calvin and hugged him. One of the teachers overheard me: “I love that answer. We should all want to be ourselves when we grow up.”

“I’m so glad he didn’t say another name. That would have been weird,” I replied.



Random thoughts about random things

Yeah, so, I have a lot of random things to write about, so consider yourself warned. This post is all over the place.

We took mighty, mighty good boy Calvin to the Exploratorium on Saturday. We never took him there before because we were worried he wouldn’t like it, because it can get pretty crowded and loud.



Ha ha! We’re stupid. It turns out that the Exploratorium is Calvin’s idea of heaven, filled with switches to flip and buttons to push. He had a great time. Needless to say, we’re members now.

On Sunday, I went to the Oakland A’s game with mighty, mighty good man David and good buddies Kate and Corso. (Thanks to my friend Larry for the free tickets!) It was the breast cancer awareness game, so I put on all my breast cancer gear and asked David, “Do I look like I’m aware of breast cancer?”

Good buddy Corso and I are totally not crying in this photo.

Good buddy Corso and I are totally not crying in this photo.


Good buddy Kate and I bought pink shirts for the occasion, because we’re so fancy.

So, a lot of people want to talk to me about the new “Star Wars” movie, and they have left the conversation disappointed. I haven’t been reading about “The Force Awakens,” and I didn’t run out and buy any of the new toys.

It’s not that I don’t love “Star Wars.” I love it very much, and I can’t wait to see the new movie. However, I don’t want to know everything about it before I see it. I know, weird, right? I just want to see it. I’m old school that way. Everyone wants to spoil everything for themselves. They do it with the comic book movies and TV shows such as “Game of Thrones” and “Walking Dead” all the time. Can you imagine if “Citizen Kane” came out today? It would have been all over the internet (spoiler alert for “Citizen Kane”) that Rosebud is a sled months before it even came out. I don’t want to know every detail about the movie before I see it. Plus, I want to manage my expectations for the movie. I think I will enjoy it more if I remain cautiously optimistic.

But yeah, I’ll watch the new “Force Awakens” trailers when they are released, because I’m not made of stone, people.

I’m sure you remember that I’m a high maintenance pain in the ass now, i.e. I’m trying a vegan diet. It’s been about a month and a half now, and I think it’s going pretty well. I can probably say “I’m vegan” instead of “I’m trying a vegan diet,” but I guess that’s too much commit for me. I did fall off the wagon once, right at the beginning, because apparently soft serve ice cream is my kryptonite.

My coworkers are not making it easy for me. In one day, they offered me doughnuts and cookies.


Footage of me the last time we had free doughnuts at work.

We never have free food here, and then one day they offer me all kinds of non-vegan treats. Even the Office Busybody wandered into my cube and offered me a Kit Kat. WTF?! Jerks. It’s so rude to offer me delicious doughnuts, cookies and Kit Kats.

Other than offering me food I can’t eat, being back at work has been good. I’m happy to see everyone, and working makes me feel like things really are getting back to normal. Of course, I’m waiting for the honeymoon period to be over. Soon all my coworkers will go back to thinking I’m an annoying twit. Right now, no one wants to be the first one to be mean to the chemo lady. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts, I guess. I’m sure it won’t last that long. I can be pretty assy.

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The watch list

Yeah, so, I’m back at work this week.

See? Here’s me totally single white female-ing my coworker Paul.


Being back at work after being out of the office for almost six months has been a little strange, but good. I’m excited to get back to normal (or as normal as I get anyway) and get back to a routine. Everyone at work has been super awesome while I was out, filling in for me, and they have been very kind since I have returned. Even the Office Busybody has been respectful and welcomed me back without some crazy comments about my hair. That was a little disappointing. I was hoping to get a really good blog post out of her reaction. Oh well.

So anyway, now that I’m back at work, that means I’m not sitting around watching TV shows and movies all day. I’m back to screwing around on the internet all day. Wheeeee. I watched a lot of stuff while I was recovering, and I compiled a handy list, just in case you are interested.


There are a lot of other movies and TV shows I watched but they fall into the “regular viewing schedule,” so they didn’t make the list. TV shows such as “Game of Thrones,” “The Daily Show,” “Inside Amy Schumer” are all TV shows I would be watching even if I wasn’t recovering from chemo all day. Same goes for some movies such as “Captain America: Winter Solider,” X-Men Days of Future Past and “Song of the Sea.” I would be watching those movies in the evening with David anyway.

I also didn’t include the occasional “Law & Order” episodes, because – duh – obviously I was watching “Law & Order” during recovery. Everyone watches “Law & Order” when they are sick at home. I’m pretty sure it’s a federal law, and it might soon be a constitutional amendment. It’s one of the hotly debated issues of the presidential election. Bernie Sanders is all for it, but Trump is against it. Trump is such a dick.

So anyway, here we go – these are the TV shows and movies that I watched during the day throughout my chemotherapy recovery. In other words, TV shows and movies that I watched when I would have normally been working.

  • Phantom Menace
  • Attack of the Clones
  • Revenge of the Sith
  • Star Wars
  • The Empire Strikes Back
  • Return of the Jedi
  • North By Northwest – An unexpectedly fun Hitchcock movie that I wrote about back in April.
  • Gentlemen Prefer Blondes – I had no idea this movie was so funny. Everyone remembers Marilyn Monroe in this movie, but I’m all about Jane Russell. She is awesome in this.
  • They Came Together – If you love Wet Hot American Summer, then you will really love They Came Together, a romantic comedy spoof with Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd.
  • Badlands – Not sure why I chose to watch this one, starring Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek. It’s a good movie, but it wasn’t as great as I expected.
  • In The Heat Of The NightI wrote about this one in April, too.
  • Boyhood – Cool idea. Good performances.
  • Nightcrawler – I wrote about Nightcrawler riiight here.
  • Cabaret – I shared my thoughts about Cabaret in this blog post.
  • Roman Holiday – Audrey Hepburn is absolutely gorgeous in this movie, and Gregory Peck isn’t exactly hard to look at, either. A real charmer with an ending I did not expect.
  • Birdman – Everyone was talking about Michael Keaton in this movie, but I think Edward Norton steals the movie. He’s really great. I also think the movie went on about five minutes too long. It had a natural ending point, in my opinion, but then went on for some weird ending that is left open to interpretation.
  • Whiplash – Great performances and editing, but I wanted to love it more. I thought it was just OK. However, I understand why it won the Oscars it did.
  • The French Connection – Gene Hackman and Roy Schneider were the shit back in the day.
  • Top Five – Entertaining movie starring Chris Rock playing a comedian-turned-actor. I liked this one. It has funny moments, and I enjoyed the commentary on Hollywood and movies.
  • Laura – An oldie but a goodie. Plus, it’s got a young Vincent Price.
  • The Searchers – There’s a reason it’s a classic. If you haven’t seen it, you should see it.
  • Funny Girl – OK, so, I think Barbra Streisand is fabulous in the movie. I like the songs. But ultimately the relationship between Streisand and Omar Sharif falls flat for me. He’s kind of a jerk. Maybe that’s the point?
  • Wet Hot American Summer – I finally watched this for the first time. I know that everyone loves it, and it’s basically a cult classic now. While watching it I was amused but didn’t think it was THAT funny. However, the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was funny. It grew on me, and I think I would laugh even more if I watched it again. Which is why I watched …
  • Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp – I laughed quite a bit watching this. Also, Paul Rudd hasn’t aged. That’s weird.
  • Show Me A Hero (six-part miniseries) – You can watch this on HBO OnDemand right now. You should. It’s so great. I know that The Wire’s David Simon is behind it, and it reminds me a little bit of that great series in that it focuses on an issue – in this case, public housing – from all angles. Plus, as someone who used to work as a reporter and sat in many planning department and city council meetings, I found it very accurate.
  • Tig (documentary) – All about comedian Tig Notaro and how her breast cancer diagnosis changed her life and her career. Obviously, I can relate.
  • I Am Chris Farley (documentary) –This documentary is like an episode of “The Chris Farley Show:” “Hey, remember how funny Farley was? That was awesome.” It never explores his demons. I enjoyed watching it, because I love watching the old Farley clips, and hearing that he was a funny, nice guy from his friends and coworkers, but I didn’t learn that much about him.
  • The Wrecking Crew (documentary) – All those songs from the 1960s that you love? This band played on it. Interesting subject matter, but the documentary isn’t as well made as I would have liked.
  • Do I Sound Gay? (documentary) – I watched this, and I don’t remember the answer to the question in the title.
  • Whitey: The United States vs. James J. Bulger (documentary) – I thought this was going to be a documentary about how Whitey was on the run for 16 years and how they caught him. Instead it’s about Whitey and his ties to some FBI agents and FBI corruption, which I had no idea about. I guess I should try reading the news every once in a while.
  • Prime Suspect (seven seasons) – Helen Mirren is the best. However, Prime Suspect is a super bummer. Really depressing stuff. Lots of dead kids. Consider yourself warned.
  • Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (one season) – Did you like 30 Rock? Then you’ll like Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, too.
  • Catastrophe (six-episode season) – Catastrophe on Amazon was probably my best discovery. SO FUNNY!
  • Orange Is The New Black (three seasons) – It’s the binge-ist show on Netflix, yes?
  • Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries (two seasons) – It’s like Murder, She Wrote but set in the 1920s. The mysteries are not challenging, but the cast has a wonderful chemistry. It was a very enjoyable, easy-to-watch show. I went through it quickly, and I wrote about it riiight here.
  • Bloodline (one season) – Anything with Kyle Chandler is worth watching in my book. Also, Ben Mendelsohn gives an amazing performance in it. His performance is so great I’m sure it will NOT win an Emmy, because Emmy voters are idiots. I binged this show in just a few days, and I wrote about it back in April.
  • Chef’s Table (documentary series) – I have only watched two episodes of this six-part series, but it’s very interesting – focusing on innovative chefs and exploring how they became chefs and why they cook the way they cook.
  • Forks Over Knives (documentary) – This is the documentary my oncologist recommended to me, because he wanted me to switch to a vegan diet. It’s very compelling. I suspect quite a few folks have watched this documentary and changed their diets.
  • Vegucated (documentary) – Another documentary about vegan diets because I need documentaries to tell me what to eat.
  • Hungry For Change (documentary) – Interesting, but not as compelling as Forks Over Knives.



Bye, Felicia and by ‘Felicia’ I mean ‘chemo’

Yeah, so, I finished my last chemo treatment. Let’s dance, you guys!

I don’t think it’s really hit me yet that I’m finished with chemo. I think it will really sink in next Friday when I don’t have to go to chemo again. Whenever I would start to feel good that’s when it was time to go for another round of chemo. I’m going to start feeling better, and instead of doing something that makes me feel crappy again, I’m going to keep feeling better and better. I’m so happy to be finished, and I’m looking forward to moving on.


The first day of chemo. Gosh, I miss that hair.

Last day of chemo.

Last day of chemo.

To thank all the nurses in the infusion center, I baked some chocolate chip cookies. Vegan, of course. I’m vegan now, and I’m the worst. I could have baked regular chocolate chip cookies, but I wanted to eat them, too (duh). Plus, Calvin is allergic to eggs, so he can’t have regular chocolate chip cookies. And, because of Calvin’s allergy, I already bake vegan treats, and I know how delicious they taste.

This was my first time baking vegan chocolate chip cookies, but I found a great recipe, and they turned out really yummy.



The cookies were a big hit in the infusion center. One of the nurses notified my oncologist that I bought in vegan chocolate chip cookies, and he ran over to get one. He came to visit me in my chemo chair and his reaction was so funny. He was proud.

Doctor: “Oh my god, Sonia! You made vegan chocolate cookies!”
Me: “Do you like them? I was worried that nobody would like them, and I told my husband to lie to me and say they were good so I would be able to sleep last night.”
Doctor: “They are so good, Sonia. I shoved the whole thing in my mouth.”
Me (in my head): “That’s what she said.”
Doctor: “They are really good. I’m going to go get another one before they are all gone.”

I’m glad the doctor got a cookie since he’s the one who talked me into this diet in the first place. “Thanks for helping me fight cancer and putting me on a vegan diet, jerk. Have a cookie.” Ha!

On a related note, I offered mighty, mighty good boy Calvin a cookie last night, and he said no and asked for peas. (#weirdo). Of course, I posted all of this and a photo on Facebook, because if you don’t post every single moment of your life on social media then it didn’t really happen. I’m including my brother Eric’s comment, because it’s hilarious.



In all seriousness, I baked the cookies and wrote a thank-you note because I wanted the nurses at the Kaiser infusion center to know how grateful I am. I do a lot of nervous talking when I’m getting chemo, and they always listen and laugh politely. They took really good care of me. I felt really lucky to have such nice folks looking out for me. My nurse for my final treatment was Luis, who was my nurse for my first chemo treatment. The infusion center is lucky I didn’t bust out singing “The Circle of Life.” He is such a cool guy. After I was finished he said, “I hope to never see you in here again. I’ll look for you at the ballpark.”

Of course, I still have a few more cancer-related medical adventures to undertake in the coming months, including my reconstruction surgery (mostly likely in October) and hormone therapy (meaning my oncologist is going to give me shots and shut down my ovaries – good times), probably starting in November. Maybe I’m being naive, but these are minor procedures compared to a mastectomy and chemotherapy, so I feel confident I can handle it. The most important thing to remember is I’m cancer free.

Current status of the Mansfield-Tracy household: There’s no stopping us.

I have the most amazing support system on the planet. And this brings me to the part of the blog post I like to call, “Sonia thanks everyone for everything.”

Mad props to my mom and sister who took turns driving me to chemo. While I’ll miss getting to hang out for two hours and chat every week uninterrupted, I won’t miss the chemo part. Thanks to my good buddy Kate, who took time off of work to hang out, including taking me to baseball games, the movies and Chili’s (because Chili’s is awesome and I’ll fight anyone who says it isn’t), and for entertaining me when I was at my lowest point.

Orange wig alert!

Good buddy Kate is a good buddy.

Thank you, Corso, for visiting all the time and bringing food. Thank you, Beegs, for going to weekly yoga with me even though she has to drive over a bridge to go, and Jess, who taught me to knit, which I still completely suck at and need constant supervision. And thank you Katie and Erika, whose texts and cards (in the mail – so old fashioned) always seemed to arrive just when I needed them. And thank you to my Aunt Jeanne, who brought over dinners and happily hung out with Calvin so David and I could go out to dinner when I felt up for it.


Green wig, Beegs and Corso!


Look at this hat that Jess knitted me. It’s so cute. She’s the best.

I have a lot of really awesome friends who emailed, texted, tweeted and Facebooked me all the time, cheering me up and cheering me on. I appreciate everyone’s positive thoughts and good vibes. I can’t list everyone, because it would be the longest blog post ever. Take my word for it: I’m so fuckin’ lucky! I’m a stupid asshole yet somehow I have managed to acquire the most wonderful, thoughtful, smart, good-hearted and hilarious friends. I have the most amazing people in my life.

And, OF COURSE, super-big thanks to my mighty, mighty good man David, who took great care of me every day. I could write a million blog posts about how awesome David is. He is the best person I know. Also, he is really handsome.


So handsome.

And thank you to my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin, who is always so quick to give me a hug when I need it. The Kid didn’t bat an eye when all my hair fell out. No matter how I looked or how crappy I felt, I was still mommy, and he was sweet to me. He’s such a good kid.

And I need to thank you guys – my tens of readers – for continuing to read this blog throughout my chemo adventure. Reading about cancer and chemo is a bummer, so thanks for sticking around. You’re good people. (If you found this post while googling stuff about chemo, you might like my blog post with all kinds of useful chemo tips that helped me get through it.)

And, as for you, chemo, well … Bye, Felicia.


Hit me baby, one more time

Yeah, so, one more chemo to go, you guys. Let’s dance!


By this time next week, I’ll be finished with chemo. I’m getting really excited.

My mom and I during my penultimate chemo appointment. Isn't my mom super cute?

My mom and I during my penultimate chemo appointment. Actually, it’s my penultimate chemo, and her last one with me. Next week my sister is taking me. Not only is my mom super cute (isn’t my mom super cute, you guys?), she’s the nicest lady on the planet.

There are a still few things I need to do after chemo, including removing my port and my reconstruction surgery, but those seem so minor compared to chemo. I’m never really looking forward to going under the knife; however, I am looking forward to getting my implants and having a nice rack again. I have some great dresses and tops that I haven’t been able to while during this transitional phase. I’m looking forward to being able to wear my clothes without worrying if my boobs like even – stuff like that. It’s going to be awesome.

In other news, my hair is really starting to come in. It started growing it after AC was finished, so this is about 12 weeks of growth.

hair1 hair2

Not too shabby, right? Once it fills in a little more on top I’ll feel more confident about ditching the wigs entirely. AND, once it really fills in, I will dye it red, because duh, of course I’m doing to dye it red.

So anyway, let’s talk about something else.

Hey, remember earlier this week when I almost burned down my house while making rice? Well, I made something else this week, and I managed not to start a small fire. Of course, this recipe involve frozen bananas and a blender, so it would have been difficult to start a fire, but if there was a way, I would have figured it out, I’m sure.

The Kid is really into “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” right now. It’s a nice show for kids. It has positive messages about listening, sharing and shit like that. One of the episodes that Calvin is into right now is about trying new food because it might taste good. We watch it on Netflix, and you can also find the episode on YouTube. The episode has inspired Calvin to try new food. He asked me for vegetables to try. He even tried some Thai food the other night, and he seemed to like it. It’s awesome.

Also, in the episode, Daniel Tiger’s mother makes something called “Banana Swirl.” It’s simple. You put bananas in the freezer, then put the frozen bananas in a blender and you’ve basically got banana ice cream. Calvin asked for me it, and I figured, “Sure, let’s try a recipe you saw in a cartoon. What could go wrong?”


Actually, nothing went wrong. It’s super easy, and it does taste like banana ice cream. You could mix it was walnuts or chocolate, but I just served it to him as is, and he really enjoyed it.

Of course, now he calls it “Banana Squirrel,” which I think is a solid name for it.


Burning down the house

Yeah, so, I almost burned the house down making rice. True story.

I started a pot of rice and then forgot about it. I was screwing around on my computer and completely forgot about it. I could even smell the smoke, and it still didn’t register in my brain that I was almost burning down my house.

“Someone is burning something,” I thought. “It’s really strong … One of the neighbors must be burning something. … Maybe there’s a fire nearby. … Wow! It’s starting to get smoky in here. I wonder who is burning something. … OH FUCK! IT’S ME.”

It took me an embarrassingly long time to remember that I put something on the stove and it was burning. I would love to blame it on “chemo brain,” in which you become absent-minded and easily distracted. However, I was doing crap like this before chemo. I’ve been known to start making hamburgers or put on a pot of water to boil and then wander off. Oh, and of course, there’s the time I lost the car.

Mighty, mighty good man David is usually around to help me. Whether he drives around looking for my car or quietly walks over to the stove and flips the burgers or turns down the heat on the boiling water, he saves me from doing something stupid. He’s in LA this week for work. Hopefully, there will still be a house for him to come home to.

So anyway, let’s talk about something else. Check out my awesome new shoes.


They are Keds, and I bought them on Zappos.


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Let him eat cake

Yeah, so, good buddy Kate came over last night, and she brought some really tasty vegan Mexican food from Gracias Madre. With our meals, she also brought a slice of vegan chocolate cake and vegan strawberry ice cream. We divided it up into two bowls, and Calvin started doing a happy dance.

“It’s cake! It’s cake!”

That’s when it occurred to me that Calvin really hasn’t eaten a lot of cake. Maybe even no cake. He’s allergic to eggs. I’ve made him eggless cupcakes before. But every birthday party we’ve been at there’s been cake that he can’t have, and I offer him a substitute – an eggless cupcake, a cookie, etc.

“Good news, buddy. You can have some of this cake,” I told him.

I guess by “some” he thought I meant “all.” He was very insistent that the bowl be placed in front of him, and I had to sneak bites when he wasn’t looking. He was so happy.

“It’s delicious,” he repeated.

I want to be the boy with the most cake.

Interesting side note: I was letting him eat this cake at 10 p.m. Great mom or greatest mom?

And the greatest mom hits keep on coming … It was about 10:30 when Kate left, and in the interest of getting to bed without issue, I let Calvin sleep with me. I know, I know. Probably not my smartest move, but mighty, mighty good man David is traveling, and – well – there’s room in the bed, and it makes Calvin so happy.

As we were falling asleep, he rolled toward me and whispered, “The cake was delicious.”

One more story: When Kate came over, she brought her dog, Foxie. Calvin loves Foxie. She is very sweet, and she has a lot more energy than Homer. Homer is an elder statesman now. He moves slow, and he is constantly looking for a comfortable stop to take a nap. Foxie sprints around the house, and Calvin thinks she is hilarious.

At one point Foxie hopped up on the couch and kinda rolled around, then hopped down and ran off. There was a little bit of fur on the couch where she was rolling.

Calvin saw it and pointed at it: “Oh no! She’s broken.”

Strangely, I don’t have a photo of Foxie, so you’ll just have to look at this drawing Kate did for Calvin of Foxie and Homer last time she babysat.




Revisiting Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Yeah, so, it’s time to finish this.

Throughout my chemotherapy recovery I’ve been revisiting all the “Star Wars” movies. You can read my random thoughts about “Phantom Menace,” “Attack of the Clones,” “Revenge of the Sith,” “Star Wars” and “The Empire Strikes Back.” Now, with chemo almost finished (yay!), it’s time to wrap up my little project with “Return of the Jedi.”

I first saw “Return of the Jedi” when I was 12. I loved it, because I was 12. I thought the ewoks were adorable. Years later, I watched “Return of the Jedi” again, and my feelings changed a bit. I thought the ewoks were kinda annoying, and I didn’t like the lame way they killed off Boba Fett. It’s definitely a flawed movie, but it’s still very entertaining. It is my least favorite of the original three movies, but my esteem for it grew after being so disappointed by the prequels.

I haven’t watched the “Return of the Jedi” Special Edition since I saw it in the theater, but I remember really not liking the added effects and scenes. They were distracting and unnecessary. And, like everyone else, I really hate that George Lucas added Hayden Christensen’s ghost at the end, but more on that later.

Let’s get started. Here’s my random thoughts while watching “Return of the Jedi.”

  • Here’s my impression of me walking into Jabba’s Palace: “Oh, there’s live music tonight.” *leaves Jabba’s Palace*
  • The added musical number in Jabba’s Palace is complete garbage. I think we can all agree on that. It’s really terrible. I would say I hate it as much as “Han shot first” from “Star Wars,” but at least this additional scene doesn’t alter anyone’s character arc. However, it’s just awful.
  • The gang’s plan to rescue Han has a lot of holes in it. What if Jabba just dropped Chewbacca down into that hole to fight the creature instead of putting him in a cage? What if R2D2 wasn’t placed on the barge? What if they just scrapped him? I guess Luke’s light saber would have been scrapped, too? What if Leia was able to walk right out of Jabba’s Palace after freeing Han from the carbonite? Would they then have to come up with a new plan to save Chewbacca and the droids?
  • Yes, I own a Slave Leia costume. It’s none of your business if I have worn it for my husband.
  • The added effects to the Sarlacc Pit are ridiculous. Is that Audrey 2 from “Little Shop of Horrors”?

sarlaccpit Audrey2

  • I was so sad when Yoda died. I’m not made of stone, people.
  • Yoda and Obi Wan really could have helped Luke out by telling him the truth from the beginning. “Hey, Darth Vader is your father, and Leia is your sister, so stop making out with her.”
  • “Keep your distance, but don’t look like you’re keeping your distance. [Chewbacca roars] I don’t know. Fly casual.” LOL.
  • The speeder bike race is still awesome and exciting.
  • Why does Leia change clothes in the Ewok village? Was she just planning on living there? “Oh well. I got separated from my team. I guess this is my new life now.”
  • “Great, Chewy. Always thinking with your stomach.” Umm, that’s the first time I’ve seen Chewbacca think with his stomach, so I think “always” is overstating it just a bit.
  • “Hey! Point that thing someplace else.” That’s what she said.
  • Ain’t no party like an ewok party, because at an ewok party, we will maybe eat your friends.
  • I kinda love the scene in which C3PO recounts their adventures to the ewoks.
  • When Leia is sharing her memories of her mother with Luke, who is she remembering? We know that her mother died in childbirth (thank you, not-good prequels). Her adopted mother, perhaps?
  • The first meeting between the Emperor and Luke: The Emperor is so confident. I guess going to the Dark Side makes you a real asshole, huh?
  • It’s a trap!


  • I don’t like it when ewoks die. It bums me out. I realize that countless pilots and soldiers have been killed throughout these movies, and entire planet destroyed, but ewoks are so cute and fuzzy. I’m not a monster, you guys.
  • Chewbacca doing the Tarzan jungle call while swinging with ewoks on to an Imperial walker is stupid as hell. Is Tarzan a thing a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away?
  • The added “NOOOOOOO” as Darth Vader destroys the Emperor is laughably unnecessary. This is another one of those added things that George Lucas thinks we need to tie all the movies together. We don’t.


  • Throughout the movie, Han Solo has no idea that Darth Vader is his girlfriend’s father. Just saying.
  • I’m fine with the added scenes of everyone celebrating the end of the Empire throughout the galaxy. However, I don’t dig the weird spa-like, new agey music over the “yub yub” song from the original “Return of the Jedi.”
  • And, why is Anakin’s ghost the young Anakin again? Obi Wan is old. Yoda is old. Shouldn’t Anakin be old? I mean, he was old when he died, so that makes sense. Does Lucas think we’re idiots and we don’t get the connection unless he adds the young star of his prequels? We get it, asshole. We got it the first time back in 1983.

jedi3 tupac And that’s the end. Thanks, you guys, for revisiting all the “Star Wars” movies with me. I hope you have as much fun reading all my random crap as I did writing it. May The Force be with you. R2D2-ears


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