The Sonia Show

Writer. Podcaster. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Open Letter To All The Single Ladies: Please Do Not Date Karl Rove

57 Comments

"Hi, I'm Karl Rove. I'm an old, fat, white man who just might be pure evil, and I'm single, ladies!"

Dear Single Ladies,

Karl Rove is officially single.

I know, right? Gross!

It’s disgusting to think that someone was married to that evil bastard, and it’s even worse to think he’s out there dating. Can you imagine what Karl Rove’s Match.com profile would be like?

“I like dividing the country along party lines, taking away basic rights for American citizens and mountain biking. Oh, and no fatties, please!”

Karl Rove is one of those lying, pathetic douchebags who rails against gay marriage with sorry-ass lines about “the sanctity of marriage” while he files for divorce. I’m sure he will find a way to blame the demise of his marriage on gay marriage … or the Obama administration.

Single ladies, please don’t date Karl Rove.

Please!

He is a bad person. He is an evil person. This man does not deserve love, affection or sex. He deserves to lead a lonely, sad life. He is not an attractive man, nor does he have a good personality, so if you are dating him it’s purely for his money and his notoriety. Is dating Karl Rove worth your soul?

And, seriously, Karl Rove? You could do better anyway.

Sincerely,

The Sonia Show

Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, go to baseball games, kick breast cancer's ass, explore with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

57 thoughts on “Open Letter To All The Single Ladies: Please Do Not Date Karl Rove

  1. Sonia,
    You’re as much a freak of nature, just to the other extreme. And who would date you, you are UGLY!

  2. Sonia,
    After reading your Bio, I think I like Carl Rove Better !!!!

  3. So his personality is based all on his political views? Interesting. I must remember the next time I date a guy to flat out ask him about his political views. There definitely wouldn’t be a silent moment during the date. I could just shove down his throat all my views and call the guy a BIG FAT PIG if he has something different to say. Fun Times.

  4. Wow, that was stunningly shallow analysis, to be sure, but! The fact that he’s dating did generate a pretty hilarious flurry of twitter threads yesterday. Look for the hash tag #RovePickupLines on twitter.com.

  5. A-men sista!

  6. Sonia are you a card carrying member of the
    National Organization of Mean and Ugly
    Women?

    And if and when you consider dating why
    don’t you place an ad on “Desparate
    Dot Com”?

  7. I really don’t know who Karl Rove is until now and probably won’t even google his name to know more. But I enjoyed reading this post. I think it’s funny 🙂

  8. @Dana Knowlton: You misspelled Karl Rove. Nicely done.

    @vodkabeforenoon: You should ask people you are considering spending your time with romantically about their political views. Maybe you think it’s better to been seen and not heard. Besides, his political views are evil and they are the sign of a bad person.

    @Harry elliott: I am not a member of that particular organization. I’m actually really nice and pretty hot. By the way, you misspelled “Desperate Dot Com.” Ignorance is bliss, right?

    • Sonia,
      Maybe you should do some research on
      Obama’s Karl Rove, Rahm Emmanuel.
      You know the guy that sent a dead fish
      to one of his opponants that he defeated.
      You know the guy that stabbed the table
      with a steak knife saying “dead” when
      describing people that he defeated.
      You know the guy whose father was
      a terrorist during Israel’s war of Independance.
      Who was in on a bombing of a tourist hotel that
      killed and maimed innocent people.

      You don’t like his politics. Fine
      I’ve been divorced for ten years.
      I consider myself Christian and
      Conservative, but don’t push it
      on my Liberal friends. As far as
      you being “hot”, if your picture is
      any indication, you are not my type.
      And nice? There are almost 300
      million people in this country of
      which 40% consider themselves
      conservative. Do the math. do
      you think 120 million people would
      think you are nice after reading your blog?

      Gay marriage has been defeated in
      every election on every ballot. African
      Americans are against it 2-1.
      What’s your point?

      Thank you for correcting my spelling.
      I did check it on Mirriam Webstar before
      I sent my reply.

      Still, anyone that celebrates other people’s
      misery, and having gone through a divorce
      first hand, is MEAN. You can’t spin it,
      project it or browbeat those as intellectually
      inferior that call you on this.

      • Looking at the upper right corner, the blog post is consistent with the goal of the blog–lighthearted ‘jackassery’. Why such a virulent reaction?

        As one of the 40% of the population that considers themselves Conservative, I am appalled by the blind eye that people turn when Mr. Rove and company came to power. The Republicans ran the Legislative and Executive branches. Where was our balanced budget? Where was our meaningful tort reform? Where is our Social Security reform? Instead of real reform, we got an 8 year debate on gay marriage (which, as one who believes that government should stay out of people’s private lives, I don’t give a whit about).

        The cornerstones of Conservative thought are small government and the rule of law. Looking at the actions of Karl Rove, one could conclude that he is a raving liberal. His crass disregard for the Constitution is obscene. His scare tactics divided this country at a time when REASON was desperately needed (if you haven’t read Atlas Shrugged, please do, you’ll thank me later).

        Now, instead of engaging a very liberal administration in REASONED DEBATE, they go to a pure obstructionist strategy, which I believe will keep them out of power until at least 2020.

        Harry, I reject the false dichotomy you bring up—we are not forced into a choice between the extreme right and the extreme left. This is a trap created by Mr. Rove. There is a reasonable middle where most of America resides and where actual progress can be made.

        Happy New Year to all, may we all take a breath and chill.

    • There are plenty of things to talk about then people’s point of views in politics. It only scratches the surface of a person’s identity.
      And YES I love to be scene. My pictures say a lot about me in general: http://i708.photobucket.com/albums/ww83/vodkabeforenoon/sketches%2009/Picture002.jpg

    • Very funny, Sonia! I think Rove’s a world class asshole, but I refuse to use the word “evil”. It’s a totally overplayed emotional word, that doesn’t really belong in any intellectual discussion. But, since this is just humor . . . I’ll give it a pass.

      Hot? Well, confidence can be very sexy! I’d give you a strong Doable though!

      Emmanuel IS also a jerk. Can’t say I’ve been too happy with anything Mr. O has done for/to us. I think we’ve been had, kid!

  9. Wow, such venom! Did he not call you after he said he would?

  10. The amazing thing is that it was Karl’s SECOND divorce. That TWO women would actually voluntarily associate with that scumbag is almost beyond comprehension. At least no man has fallen for Ann Coulter…and they say women are smarter?

    It also amazes me that BIG ET would even be reading your blog.

  11. My, my … how hateful. Isn’t that ironic? Many of the people I have talked to that claim they hate Karl (though they don’t know him), are many of the same that say being hateful is wrong. Also ironic is the fact that most in DC on both sides say that they liked Bush and Rove, but that they just disagreed with the approach to policies (if they disagreed – which most didn’t, they just told their constituents they did). So how does it feel to hate? I don’t hate – especially like that.

    • Yes, Karl Rove is such a lover of all people. Seriously, anyone who supports Karl Rove … well, their comments don’t mean much to me.

      As for being a hater, well, you got me. I hate Karl Rove. I think he is a bad person with a cold, black heart.

      And, if people are reading this post for in-depth analysis of Karl Rove, they are in a disappointment. This isn’t the New York Times. This is a silly, little personal blog on WordPress.

  12. Remember this is the 2nd time the immoral lizard Rove has mocked the sanctity of marriage by bailing out on his family. The GOP is a gang of slimey loser hypocrites who shrilly preach at everyone else all day and go home to slut around all night.
    And forget about warning the single ladies, you should watch out for your underage sons, when it comes to hypocrites like Rove.

  13. Keep in mind I’m an openly bisexual Libertarian, but you might want to relax a bit when it comes to the anger. Seriously, the most attractive thing on a person is confidence, the second is easily a control over your emotions. Sure, Karl Rove is kind of a jerk and I never liked his nickname (Turdblossom), but even jerks deserve love.

    Next time just openly hope he stubs his toe when he wakes up and a little piece of the nail on the corner breaks off. Oh yeah, gay marriage is a terrible idea. Marriage sucks no matter who you’re banging.

    -Irish

  14. Good call Sonia. Fuck that guy (but not literally ladies, as Sonia pointed out he doesn’t deserve sex).

  15. Yet another deranged liberal ranting about George Bush and friends while Obama continues remaking the in the image of Karl Marx.

  16. Ha! I love people defending a political strategist that even many Republicans admit is a manipulative douche. I guess people are bored or they are tired of defending the flat earth theory.

  17. lol this blog is so funny and the comments as well. You know none of us are perfect and so we will continue to make mistakes until the day we died. As for Karl maybe he hasn’t meet his match as yet. Until some of us understand what makes a marriage work then marriages will continue to end up in divorces.

    Sonia even though this is just a blog and not the New York Times remember that it is representing you. Have a nice day.

  18. Thank you, Sonia, for posting this funny (and truthful) bit about Karl Rove. He is truly the scum of the earth, and I cannot fathom why anyone would defend the man who invented the modern smear campaign tactics… he lied to the American people to get George W. elected!! He is a horrid person!! How is it even up for debate?!

    On the flip side, maybe if he finds love, he will become happy and stop his evil meddling in American politics. One can hope, anyway!

  19. C’mon ya’ll. Rove is a HOT PIECE. I get SOOOO turned on by pasty, bloated, bald men who look like they touch kids! OMG… and he’s got the brains to match! His tactful manipulation of the masses by whatever means necessary, his willingness to slander and destroy DEM and GOP rivals alike…I’m swooning! It’s even more sexy that all the peoples’ lives his policy and pals helped RUIN now come out of the woodwork to defend him! Now that’s power! Keep away ladies, he’s all MINE! True beauty, inside and out!

  20. You look like a cute girl but you write more like an angry guy without a lot of education.

  21. We can only hope to see = http://www.okcupid.com/profile/hotkarl

    Horrors!

    Glenn Greenwald on Salon.com just tore Karl apart on the fact that Karl — being a great champion of “traditional” marriage — is using untraditional marriage laws to slink out of his (second) marriage = http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2009/12/29/rove/index.html

    And to flip the whole thing entirely, what if Karl did find true love (whether he deserves it or not… OK, he doesn’t deserve it but let’s follow this thought out) and began using his monstrous powers for good? That’d be some srrious Magneto-helping-the-X-Men stuff right thurr!

  22. I wouldn’t date him, but would gladly invite him to come see me at Rick’s Cabaret…I’m pretty sure I’ve met him before at FOX.

  23. Good on ya Sonia the people of Scotland agree.
    Karl Rove is the evil puppet master.
    Over in the Socialist republics of Europe as you yanks like to think of us,we would like to ask what excactly is a Christian Conservative?Is it the same as a Christian hypocrite?

  24. I’d so do Karl Rove …well, if I wasn’t straight and married.

  25. Oh my! I just took at 3 hour nap here at work and this is what happened here. It’s become like a circus! Lol. You must be really hot Sonia to elicit such amount of responses!

    Wait, lemme nuke a bag of popcorn. be right back… :-p

  26. Rove wasn’t always chubby and bald. And in college, some of the stuff he did just seemed like frat pranks with a touch of nastiness.

    Live and learn.

    There are those in Texas who say Rove would be perfectly happy if no women would date him.

    This is only a scandal if Laura files against George, you know — naming Karl as co-respondent.

  27. Thank you for alerting me to the fact that Mr Rove is looking for intimate female friends. Do you think the wide Atlantic ocean is protection enough for us over here in the Big UK? Or should we have spotters out there at all entry ports?

  28. People, by making personal attacks on Sonia for having different political beliefs, you undermine your argument that Sonia is wrong for making a personal attack on Rove because he has different political beliefs. I’m just sayin’.

    I do hope for Rove’s sake that Orly Taitz is single. They’d be a perfect couple.

  29. Kark Rove has a 9.9 rating on HOT OR NOT, so take that all you haterzzzzzz!

    I’d like his hands to ROVE ALL OVER ME!

  30. I’d Rove his Karl for sure!

  31. Sonia,

    You’re right on and witty at that. Karl Rove should crawl up Dick Cheney’s ars and die. Fascists!

  32. i’m amazed that people can defend this EVIL man. you gotta give him credit though, he must be good at his job considering he still has idiotic backers out there on the blogs supporting him. Go Sonia Go!

    • It’s sad that the people who came to Karl Rove’s defense on this blog have no idea that Karl Rove thinks they are all easily manipulated tools. Thanks for commenting!

      • when u think about the people he’s manipulating, his job doesnt seem so hard after all. just throw them a juicy rare prime rib from outback steakhouse and free refills and they’ll vote for a monkey.

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  34. Pingback: Exercising is hard, you guys | The Sonia Show

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