Yeah, so, last night I was walking little Homer along the Embarcadero when some rollerblader dressed in business casual cubicle wear skated by us, aggressively yelling, “Assholes! You’re on the wrong side of the sidewalk, you stupid assholes! GAWD! Stupid assholes!”
He wasn’t screaming at us. He was directing his rollerbladin’ rage at some cyclists, who were violating the upspoken sidewalk code and were cruising on the wrong side. But as he angrily rolled passed us, I couldn’t help but think, “You’re really angry and talking some serious shit for a man who is basically playing with children’s toys on the sidewalk.”
I wanted to yell, “Hey buddy! Shoot the duck!”
I knew Homer wouldn’t protect me if he made a U-turn, though. Maybe I could have out run the manchild by throwing some pebbles down on the sidewalk. Oh well. Next time.
That guy might as well be on a Big Wheel in my eyes. Now, I know some of you are going to get mad and comment about how rollerblading to work is great for the environment, saves money on gas, and how it’s a great form of exercise, etc. You can try to convince to me that rollerblading to your job is a grown-up thing to do, but it won’t work. Rollerblades are roller skates, and roller skates are for kids.
OK, sure, there are exceptions. Roller skates have their place on grown-up feet in certain situations. Maybe if you are on a rollerblading hockey team; or if you are skating around in Golden Gate Park. And hey, those chicks in roller derby kick some serious ass. Hell, two Halloweens ago I laced up a pair of skates for my roller derby girl costume. They are fabulously fun.
Still, I think we can agree that rollerblading is a silly way to commute to your job, and if you are rollerblading then you can’t take yourself that seriously. And you certainly shouldn’t be yelling at people. You should be smiling and handing out balloons.
For some reason, I don’t feel the same way about bikes. I wish I could ride a bike to work. That would be awesome! I’d put tassels on the handlebars and get a little basket to hold my stuff. I’d look like this riding it …
Oh, and don’t get me started on skateboards …