The Sonia Show

Writer. Podcaster. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Skate crimes

38 Comments

"Hey, watch out, you stupid assholes! Can't you see I'm commuting to work?

Yeah, so, last night I was walking little Homer along the Embarcadero when some rollerblader dressed in business casual cubicle wear skated by us, aggressively yelling, “Assholes! You’re on the wrong side of the sidewalk, you stupid assholes! GAWD! Stupid assholes!”

He wasn’t screaming at us. He was directing his rollerbladin’ rage at some cyclists, who were violating the upspoken sidewalk code and were cruising on the wrong side. But as he angrily rolled passed us, I couldn’t help but think, “You’re really angry and talking some serious shit for a man who is basically playing with children’s toys on the sidewalk.”

I wanted to yell, “Hey buddy! Shoot the duck!”

I knew Homer wouldn’t protect me if he made a U-turn, though. Maybe I could have out run the manchild by throwing some pebbles down on the sidewalk. Oh well. Next time.

"There's a backup at the Bay Bridge toll plaza."

That guy might as well be on a Big Wheel in my eyes. Now, I know some of you are going to get mad and comment about how rollerblading to work is great for the environment, saves money on gas, and how it’s a great form of exercise, etc. You can try to convince to me that rollerblading to your job is a grown-up thing to do, but it won’t work. Rollerblades are roller skates, and roller skates are for kids.

OK, sure, there are exceptions. Roller skates have their place on grown-up feet in certain situations. Maybe if you are on a rollerblading hockey team; or if you are skating around in Golden Gate Park. And hey, those chicks in roller derby kick some serious ass. Hell, two Halloweens ago I laced up a pair of skates for my roller derby girl costume. They are fabulously fun.

Here I am rockin' some skates ...

Still, I think we can agree that rollerblading is a silly way to commute to your job, and if you are rollerblading then you can’t take yourself that seriously. And you certainly shouldn’t be yelling at people. You should be smiling and handing out balloons.

For some reason, I don’t feel the same way about bikes. I wish I could ride a bike to work. That would be awesome! I’d put tassels on the handlebars and get a little basket to hold my stuff. I’d look like this riding it …

Oh, and don’t get me started on skateboards …

Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

38 thoughts on “Skate crimes

  1. Rollerblading to work is for wussies. No Roman would have EVER rollerbladed to work.

    Icebiking, though–WOW.

  2. I used to skateboard to work!

  3. Maybe the skater is going through a divorce or battling addiction. This is my default thought anytime I come across someone who is irrationally angry. I love your take on back up at the toll plaza. Ha!

  4. “Shoot the duck.” Ha!

    During the SF dot-com days, I recall seeing a lot of 30-somethings riding Razor scooters to the office. Not quite as lame as skates, but still not very becoming for a professional. Maybe I’m just jealous because I bit it on my kids Razor the other night.

  5. I would argue that riding a razor scooter is way more lame than skates. I still kind of want one, though…

    • I should mention that this rollerblader was probably late 30s/early 40s. This wasn’t a 20something on his way to his job at the coffee shop.

      Razor scooters look just as silly as rollerblades, but if I had to choose one I would go with the razor scooter.

  6. HEY.. …SONIA CHECK OUT http://www.believeinone.com/?p=535#more-535

    we are NOT impressed

    • You couldn’t be more wrong with this article. you saw an angry man on the street so you decide to write an entire shitty article about rollerbladers as a whole. check dans comment. your a loser.

    • I’m so sorry I was unable to impress the people who created a site featuring nothing but pictures of phony models on rollerblades and teenage boys.

      Also, once again, you seem pretty angry for someone who uses essentially rollerskates … I think you are proving my point. If thinking that rollerblading to work while yelling at people is a Fail of the Week, then I am honored.

  7. Hmm…I think you boys should spend more time taking absurd photos of yourselves making goofy hand gestures while holding up your roller blades. That and spend more time commuting to work, as clearly you don’t have enough of it to prevent you from bothering someone who never asked you to read her blog in the first place. As a side note, love the hoochie girl shots, it speaks of a secure, well educated and mature male!

    • i just think it’s ignorant to bash a life style you know nothing about. calling you a loser might have been a bit harsh but seriously, there has to be better things to write a blog about. it’s simply offensive.

  8. It’s a free country, brother!

  9. I think the post was meant to be funny and was more about poking fun and pointing out a jerk, hence the choice of pictures. Also the above pic of Sonia in skates shows that a. she’s got nice stems and b. she rocks the skates. Now unicyclists, they are the suck and deserve mockery on a daily basis, unless they juggle while they commute.

  10. My blog post backtracks a little at the end and talks about what fun rollerskating is.

    Ben, you and your friends at that “magazine” are being overly sensitive and proving my point by posting hateful, angry comments.

  11. im aware that i am over reacting. but if you can make fun of us, we should have the right to make fun of you.

    i’ll leave it alone.
    roll4life

  12. Can’t we all just get along?

    • It is MLK Jr. Day, after all …

      Come on, Brian, teach me to rollerblade!

      • I totally will! I’ve got an extra set, but I bet a size 10 would be too big for ya. We’ll hit the Embarcadero and take down the yelling bladers (the ones that make me and my kind look bad) together! It is a family-friendly place after all.

        Sorry this all got out of hand. I truly mean no ill will.

  13. i have to admit that would be a cool segment.

    roll4life

  14. I just read the fight with One Magazine, (a legitimate mag which is featured in stores such as Barnes and Noble) and you, Sonia.

    This is expected however. i really do enjoy Rollerskating, fruitbooting, Rollerblading, or whatever you want to call it, and over the years i’ve noticed how i always get shit for what i like to do, and it seems there will always be the people out there, such as yourself, Sonia who dont see what it really is, perceving blading as immature and ridiculous through it’s face value . and what stikes me as rather odd is since you are obviously passionate about your Yoga, why can’t you respect another’s lifestyle, however silly it may seem to you, an intelligent, witty, hipster journalist

    ps. i have no affilliation with ben or brian for that matter, simply an outsider looking in on a childish blog battle. and excuse my grammer.
    -one love-

    • Tommy, thank you for your comment. If the other rollerbladers who commented had been as nice and eloquent as you then there wouldn’t have been any fighting at all.

      I wrote a post on my personal blog about this douchey rollerblader along the Embarcadero in San Francisco and made a few jokes. Then, a writer for a supposedly legitimate magazine quoted me without my permission in his article AND posted my photograph without my permission from my personal flickr account.

      This opened me up to all kinds of nasty, personal attacks on my blog and that site. They were all along the lines of “she’s fat,” which I am not, and “she ugly,” which – once again – I am not. This behavior all but confirmed my original post that rollerbladers take their hobby too seriously, and they act like jerks about it.

  15. Oh, I’m in, but I hope to educate you first between the screaming idiot on the Embarcadero and what we do. My roommate — a Bay lifer — just finished his latest blading video, Shred Til’ You’re Dead, and I’d love to send you a copy so you know the extent of the fierce audience you’re up against. Email me for details how I can send you a complimentary copy of the DVD. After you’ve seen that, we blade.

    • I know for a fact you do not represent all of Colorado.

      Also, I’m sorry you can’t get a date, and I’m sorry you can’t afford a decent mode of transportation.

      • That’s right, Sonia. I represent the Centennial State on this blog, and I resent this AssHat stepping on my turf.

        Go back to Aurora, AssHat!

  16. yeah it’s really the zealot ones you have to watch out for haha i mean for real like you weren’t even talking about my specific “aggressive skating” discipline, simply talking about a guy who was blading on his way to work, which is totally your freedom of speech to do so in your blog.
    Everyone’s got their opinions- so why try to make a big deal?

  17. oh and by the way- the quote stealing and link to your website allowed access for someone from texas to comment on your page, and honestly its a little stalkerish to be snooping around looking for an “enemy” like that crazy brian guy

  18. I still think you are fat.. and ugly.

  19. I totally got yelled at by this guy today. I was running along the Embarcadero in front of AT&T Park and I admit I was in the middle of the street.

    This guys just started yelling and called me a fucking moron. It seemed odd because there was plenty of room to get by and he too was right in the middle of the road. Not to mention this was during a Giants game where there were tons of people about.

    When I got home I decided to Google “asshole rollerblader in san francisco” to see if anyone else encountered this guy and I found your blog. It has to be the same guy because no way is it a one time incident. Was he blonde with a short hair cut? Did he have a douchey fleece and sunglasses. If so, this guy must be stopped. He shouldn’t be so angry while engaging in such a leisurely pursuit.

  20. It is absolutely the same guy, Mark! A friend of mine runs along the Embarcadero, and she has encountered him, too.

    It’s good to know that if people Google “asshole rollerblader in san francisco” that they will get my blog. I guess that makes me an authority. HA!

    So, how are we going to school this guy?

    • This happened around 5:45 so I assume he goes by at this time all the time.

      We should wait and heckle him with big signs and block his path so he must use the bike lane. A full scale
      protest of his antics is the only way he will be stopped.

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