The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Assterpiece Theater


Yeah, so, I like big butts and cannot lie.

You other brothers and sisters can’t deny that when girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and round thing in your face you get sprung.

And, yeah, sure, I’m tired of magazines saying flat butts are the thing, but this commercial makes me want to dial 1-800-MIX-ALOT and kick some snarky thoughts.

When I first saw this commercial, I thought it was an SNL parody along the line of “Mom Jeans.” But nope, it’s for real.

Is there really a market for this? Are there really women out there trying to make their asses bigger? Are there really women walking around with fake asses? With padding on their butts?

Maybe I’m out of line. Maybe there’s a market for this. As someone who tries to eat healthy and goes to yoga to fit into size twos and fours, I don’t want to make my ass look bigger, but hey, that’s just me. At the same time, and I don’t mean to brag, I’ve been told that I have an “assterpiece;” that my ass is “asstactic.”

So anyway, I love that in the commercial a woman says, “You want your jeans to show off your booty.” Well, they’re not really showing off YOUR booty now is it? It’s showing off a booty-type object.

The commercial also says, “The secret is in the strategically placed padding.” Actually, the secret is it preys on your insecurities. Guess what, ladies? Your colored hair, your made up face, your padded bras, your spanks and your high heels are not enough. You need to pad your ass, too, if you want someone to love you.

"I'm just sucking on my lollipop, wearing my padded ass ..."

Forget about doing endless squats.” Yeah, seriously, ladies: Don’t waste your time with exercise. All that’s going to get you is a healthy lifestyle.

Now, I know some folks are thinking, “Well, Booty Pop is false advertising. I think I’m hooking up with a girl who is bootylicious, but really she’s got a flat ass.” First of all, how dare you! Second, it really isn’t any different than wearing a padded bra, and everyone seems to be OK with those.

Booty Pop is basically a padded bra for your ass. But wouldn’t it be better if it was more like a push-up for your ass? A push-up bra takes what you already got and makes it, well, a little bustier. Instead of putting some pads on your butt, couldn’t the makers of Booty Pop make something that kinda hikes your butt up a little, giving it, well, a natural lift and making it a little more curvy?

Just a thought.

Also, how long until they make a version for men with padding in the front? They could call it Cocky Pop.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

9 thoughts on “Assterpiece Theater

  1. Cocky Pop. I really cannot imagine what else I might read today that is better than this.

  2. cocky pop? that’s poppycock!

  3. Gonna get Dave some of that cocky pop, make all the ladies jealous… Yes ladies, all this and he can skin and gut a dear too!!!!!! Jealous!!!

  4. well, thanks. Now I’m going to walk around saying “cocky pop” to myself and giggling for the next year or so. 😉

  5. Sonia, I’m not sure you have my email address. Want to be sure if your writing updates on grandma that I get them…. Thanks! Stacey

  6. this post made my cocky pop.

  7. how about some hip pops while we’re at it?

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