Yeah, so, I didn’t want a bridal shower.
I’ve been to many bridal showers, and most of them are pretty lame. They involve games. Not fun games like Apples to Apples. Silly games involving clothing pins and secret words or quizzes that reveal something embarrassingly personal about the bride and groom. I’m not sure Grandma wants to guess whether the bride and groom had sex on the second date or the fourth date.
I always swore that if I got married, I would never have games at my bridal shower. In fact, I didn’t even want a bridal shower. But good buddy DH was very insistent that she was going to host a bridal shower for me.
“Great. No gifts. No games,” I said.
“Yeah, sure,” she said.
The bridal shower is this weekend, and my mantra of “no gifts, no games” has gone bye-bye.
DH: “If you are not doing gifts, you have to give me games”
Me: “No gifts, no games.”
DH: “Oh, there will be games! You will play them, and you will have a good time, dammit!”
Me: [Sigh.] “There better be sangria at the party like you promised.”
DH: “There will be sangria.”
Me: “Why do you hate me so much?”
DH: “Sonia’s my friend!”
DH put our friend Brighton in charge of games. I remain confident that Brighton will choose games that do not result in me throwing up a little in my mouth or end with me running out of the room crying. I have no doubt that I will have a great time tomorrow. It will be great to see everyone … and it will be great to drink sangria.
My coworker Paul has become obsessed with the bridal shower, specifically the game playing aspect. He sent me a couple of suggestions and wrote up some descriptions, which I must share because they made me laugh out loud in my cube:
Jesus is my husband
This challenging Bible game is great to play with teams! Mix guests up; get experts and novices on each team, and let them race to see who can match up these husbands and wives from the Bible. It would be a sin not to play it. [My grandma would kick our asses in this game!]
The “Make the Bride Look Like a Big Junk Covered Asshole” Game
Buy an apron and have the bridal party buy lots of utensils to pin on the apron. Make them practical and a couple of things they would never think of buying until they need them. Pin all of the items on the apron. Have the bride wear the apron in front of all of the guests. Have her walk around the room for about 2 minutes as you taunt, demean and berate her. Then have the bride go into another room and have the guests try to list as many things as they can remember seeing pinned to the brides apron. The person with the most wins! Then tell the bride she gets to keep the apron! She will pee … seriously!!!
The Stick Game
One great shower game is called the stick game. All you need is a burlap sack and several broomsticks. Get the burlap sack over the bride’s head. Then everyone takes a turn screaming out one thing they resent about the bride and then takes a good swing at her with the broomstick. The last person to whack the bride before she blacks out is the winner. We did this at my sister’s and everyone was in stitches! We still laugh about it.
Paul actually did a lot of Googling about bridal shower games and found a ton of old-school, sexist games about chores and “being a good wife.” I think I’d rather play The Stick Game.