The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Spiders, why did it have to be spiders?


Yeah, so, my coworker Paul told my boss that I am very afraid of spiders. I know this because Paul warned me that now my boss wants to play a practical joke on me involving my paralyzing fear of spiders.

Why Paul told my boss this fact, I don’t know; but apparently Paul felt the need to share a story about an incident that happened at his home involving me, drunk Paul and a spider.

A while back, I went over to Paul and his husband’s house for dinner. They have an awesome house in Corte Madera, but there is one room in which I do not dare enter. It’s the room in which they keep their pet tarantulas. Seriously. They owns two spiders … as pets. I think they own a snake, too. Weirdos.

Anyway, I won’t go in that room.

So, we were chillin’ in the living room, boozing it up after having a tasty dinner, when Paul comes up behind me and says, “Someone wants to meet you,” and tries to put what appears to be one of his tarantulas on me.

I shrieked, jumped off the couch and ran away.

Turns out, it was a spider husk. I guess these creepy, crawly things shed their skin. Gross! Just one more reason to think they are disgusting, nasty things. [I was going to put a picture of a spider husk on this post, but I couldn’t bring myself to even look at photos. I somehow found the courage to find a spider picture and put it on the blog before. You can see it here.]

I didn’t care if it was just a spider husk, I wasn’t having it. I refused to be in the same room with it and basically started having a panic attack until he put it away.

Paul was pretty drunk and didn’t remember assaulted me with a spider carcass until I let him have it a few days later.

I have no idea why Paul told this story to our boss. I can’t imagine it came up in meeting about product optimization for website. And, it doesn’t seem like the kind of story you should share with your boss. “And then I got wasted and chased a coworker around my house with a spider husk.”

So, yeah, now, on top of juggling my myriad of tasks in the office, I have to be on constant alert for a practical joke involving my spiders. Joy.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

7 thoughts on “Spiders, why did it have to be spiders?

  1. This incident is going in the notebook. I swear Paul is heading down lawsuit path in the future.

  2. I’ll kill the bastard for $50 (and I’ll even dispatch the spider for free).

    Spiders don’t bother me — one just walked down my wall and I tried to smash him but he got away.

    But snakes of any kind are my big phobia — I can’t even stand to look at photos of them. Just the word s.n.a.k.e. makes me cringe. They’re always showing up on TV so I do a fair amount of emergency channel flipping. Hate ’em, hate ’em!

  3. FYI: he didn’t say anything in the meeting!!

  4. @Tom: Maybe this was very strange water cooler talk.

    @Donald: I’m not a snake fan either, but they don’t scare me like spiders … with their long legs and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

  5. I don’t like spiders either but snakes are ok. Hopefully your boss won’t do anything about the spider thing. I wouldn’t want any spider funny business going on. I truley hate them so you come the rightly!

  6. Oh HELL no. I’m right there with you. I effing hate spiders. I hope the prank involves fake spiders and not real ones. And I hope he understands when you have to break his legs after.

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