The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Bear necessities

7 Comments

Yeah, so, I don’t mean to brag but I’m pretty sure my dad could beat up your dad.

This week, my dad killed a bear. Not with his bare hands, but still …

Quien es mas Macho: The Bear o The Man?

The Man was up at “the property” (which is what my family calls the 40 acres of land my parents own up north, about 30 miles outside of Platina). I think it’s deer season or something, so The Man was walking around with his bow and arrows, and doing whatever it is you do when you deer hunt when he saw a bear. And, more importantly, the bear saw him, and it charged at him.

Now, while a mere mortal man would shit his pants, The Man drew his bow and killed it.

I know, right? He killed a bear that was charging at him with a bow and arrow! The bear was 10 feet away from him!

Seriously, if a bear was charging at me, even if I was holding a weapon I would be one of those idiots that thinks they can out run it, or I would throw a picnic basket at it. Sometimes I think The Man and I should take a DNA test to see if he is actually my father, because we are very different people. We have two things in common: 1) We are loud when we are drunk; and 2) we have a really nasty sense of humor — both of which are more environmental than genetic.

So anyway, after The Man shot it, the bear ran off and died in a nearby canyon. Of course, I do not like the idea of killing animals. This hunting gene in my family … I do not possess it. But what I dislike even more is the idea of my dad being eaten by a bear! Did you ever see “Grizzly Man?” We like to pretend that bears are cute and friendly, but yeah, not so much. There’s a reason they are almost always the No. 1 threat on the Threatdown segment on “The Colbert Report.”

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

7 thoughts on “Bear necessities

  1. I am glad that your father had the sense and calm, to do what he had to do. It was a rare situation man vs bear and I am glad that the bear lost. He just messed with the wrong man! I’m sure that Dad would have rathered the bear take a walk but he didn’t , I guess God didn’t need Dad yet….Thank you God!!!!

  2. Your dad was already officially a bada$$ after the wedding crasher incident. Now I don’t know what to call him (President of Russia?). To keep your cool (and your accuracy) with a bear charging you is a rare thing indeed.

  3. I am more traumatized having heard the story than Dad is having lived it. He is unhuman that man.

  4. People are capable of great things when they are faced with being eaten. I know because I was being chased once by this Jack Russell at the dog park, and I felt this like, superhuman strength come over me. Thankfully the dog was on a leash and I didn’t have to put my powers to the test.

  5. Fuck pit bulls, those Jack Russells are a real menace.

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