Yeah, so, I’m dirty.
I’m unclean. I’m filthy. I’m naughty. I’m disgusting.
I don’t wash my car.
Look at it …
Horrifying, right? The car looks like it went to Burning Man.
I own a 2007 Saturn ION, and I have never washed it. Sure, I take it in for its maintenance, and they wash the car. But, I have never washed it myself. Before the 2007 Saturn, I had another Saturn. I didn’t wash that one either. And before that? Another Saturn that I didn’t wash. In fact, I think the last time I washed a car Will Smith was still known as the Fresh Prince.
The fact that I don’t wash my car is a big deal to my family. For some reason, they are all obsessed with clean cars. It’s weird. Growing up, I remember washing The Man’s truck once a week. No joke. The Man, my brother, my mom, even my sister are all about clean cars. They even go as far as to vacuum them out. While I’m more of the “It’s just car. I drive it. I don’t eat off it. Who cares?” mindset. It’s just more proof that I am adopted.
Whenever I go to my parents house for dinner, they shake their heads in disappointment when they see my car.
Mom: “Sonia, you need to wash your car.”
Me: “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.”
Mom: [Sigh] “Maybe you could at least hose it off.”
Me: “That’s what she said.”
Me: “Don’t judge me.”
I think not washing the car is an effective deterrent for break-ins. “Look at that piece of shit. I’m sure there’s nothing good in there. Let’s hit the clean one next to it.”
Plus, I’m too busy to wash the car. I have TV to watch, wine to drink and yoga classes to attend.
I just don’t think a clean car is a priority.
Oh, also, I’m lazy.