Yeah, so, Wilmer Valderrama is the new Scott Baio.
I heard all these stories that back in the day Scott Baio hooked up with so many hot, young starlets (usually before they got really famous) that people would joke that he hung out at the bus station to greet wannabe actresses as they got off the bus. Of course, Chachi is too busy these days making embarrassing reality shows and writing books about banging girls to bang girls that are too young for him.
Enter Wilmer Valderrama.
Better known as Fez on “That 70s Show,” Wilmer has nailed countless young starlets and then bragged about it on Howard Stern’s radio show, because he’s classy like that.
Lindsay Lohan, Mandy Moore, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Avril Lavigne, Ashlee Simpson … I would say it’s a list of who’s who in young Hollywood, but with the exception of Lohan it’s really a list of who’s that or who the hell cares.
The 30-year-old’s most recent conquest (some chick I’ve never heard of because I’m 40) just turned 18 in August. Don’t be ridiculous, Fez. (That was Fez’s catchphrase, right? Or am I mixing him up with Balki from “Perfect Strangers” again?)
Is it in female Disney stars’ contracts that they have to sleep with Fez in order to “graduate” to more “adult roles?” And by “adult roles” I mean rehab. gossip page star and/or national punchline.
Oh, and one more thing: Really, ladies? Really? Fez from “That 70s Show’? Really?