The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Creepy babies


Yeah, so, I don’t know jack about art.

I know you are shocked.

It’s not that I don’t like art. I’m not made of stone. I think art is very interesting and beautiful and all that shit, but I don’t know anything about different styles, who paints what, blah, blah, blah. David does. He’s smart. Unfortunately for him he married a woman whose knowledge of art is only from movie biopics: “I know who Jackson Pollack is. I saw that movie with Ed Harris.”

So, yeah, there is a massive museum in Paris. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s called the Louvre, and it’s ginormous. It has more than 35,000 pieces in it, and it’s about six city blocks long and four stories high. It’s insane.

You couldn’t possibly see everything in the Louvre in one day. We went to the museum twice. The first visit was really short. It was almost closing time, so it was just an hour or so. The second time we spent five hours walking the halls. We weren’t there very long before I noticed a trend. Artists really like to paint Jesus (specifically the crucifixion), the Virgin Mary, boobs and babies. Well, not just babies. Creepy babies.

All the babies in the paintings had really creepy faces. I don’t know what the deal was. Could artists not get the faces right on babies; or, did babies just look really creepy back then?

I became kinda obsessed with the creepy babies, and I started taking photos of them. Serious art lovers were standing around a painting, thinking about what it’s trying to say and how it makes them feel. and I just walk up with my camera, “Look, David, another creepy baby. [click]”

But my assy behavior was all for you, my tens of readers. Here’s a slideshow of some creepy babies. Click this creepy baby photo to see them all. Warning: This slideshow may cause nightmares, lung badgers and birth defects.



Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

2 thoughts on “Creepy babies

  1. Hey there,

    Ok, so I have two comments really… The first comes from my pedantic Wyka side (you know what I’m talking about, so forgive): Here’s the story on the creepy baby phenomenon. From what I recall, they all look creepy because Jesus was described as a “man-child” in the bible. For some reason, Medieval/Renaissance painters took this quite literally and tried to give baby Jesus a man-face. They’re bodies are weird because… well, can you imagine trying to paint an 18 mo old from life when their heads are the size of watermelons compared to their little wiggly bodies? Cut ’em some slack.
    Second comment is actually a funny story about our friend Lisa. (Forgive me Lisa, but it’s a good story). We went to the Uffizi Gallery with her and her hubby when they came to visit us in Italy. Our conversation at the entrance to the museum went something like this:
    Me: “Is there anything in particular you’d like to see in here?”
    Lisa: “Nothing in particular, but I’m not into Jesus art so we can skip anything religious”
    Me: “…um… well… um…”
    We gave her a lot of shit for that one.

  2. Pingback: Spawns just wanna have fun | The Sonia Show

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