The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Baby poisoning

16 Comments

Yeah, so, morning sickness is bullshit.

The term is not accurate at all. Basically, I was nauseous day and night for six weeks straight. I wish I was exaggerating. I refused to call it “morning sickness,” opting for the more accurate term “baby poisoning.” I even submitted “baby poisoning” to Urban Dictionary, see? Finally, I’m making a difference in the world.

I never sat around and imagined what I would be like when I was pregnant, because I didn’t want to be pregnant. But when that pregnancy test came back positive, I hoped I would be one of those beautiful pregnant ladies. I’d be glowing and rock a tiny, little baby bump when I’m six months along like I’m Kate Hudson or Heidi Klum. I would brag about how I didn’t get morning sickness and didn’t put on any weight in my first trimester.

Instead, I was constantly nauseous and the only thing that made me feel better was eating carbs. All the veggies I usually love to eat made me want to throw up. The glow I had was grease on my face from the bag of potato chips I inhaled. The little baby bump? Yeah, I was rocking that look at about the two month mark, thanks to the nonstop eating and no exercising due to the baby poisoning.

I would read on the baby sites: “I lost weight my first trimester,” or “I put on two pounds in my first trimester.” I hated those women. I packed on an immediate 20 pounds when all the sites say three to five pounds is the average. My belly pooched out the instant the pregnancy test said positive.

The nonstop eating to hold off the nausea was pretty ridiculous. The doctor said that this is perfectly normal behavior and the best way to deal with the nausea. However, I don’t think it’s normal to wake up at 3 a.m. to chug a glass of milk and eat graham crackers in bed to prevent vomiting unless you have been drinking. I don’t feel like it’s normal to put on 20 pounds in two months.

Now, at the three-month mark I’m already wearing maternity clothes. It’s difficult to accept when I’ve spent my entire adult life trying not to gain weight. I was, and still am, very hard on myself about it. I’ll say to myself, “Really, Sonia? You can’t let the weight thing slide when you are pregnant. You are seriously fucked up,” which results in me being even harder on myself. I handled breast cancer better than I’m handling this whole being pregnant thing.

When I talk about it with my friends or family, or when I read up about it on pregnancy websites, I get the same response: “Every pregnancy is different. Some women show early, some don’t show until they are 8 months.” My rational mind gets it. The part of mind that is fucked up about food and weight issues does not.

Of course, now that the baby poisoning is considerably less, I’m hoping I will stop getting so huge, so fast, and I can stop beating myself up. I realize that I’m pregnant, and I’m going to gain weight. That’s how it works. I might as well relax and enjoy the carb-filled ride.

I want to make sure that spawn is born healthy, but I also want to make sure that I stay healthy. It’s important for women with a history of breast cancer to stay fit and trim, so I want to make it as easy for me to get back in shape after the spawn is born. I’m 40. It’s already hard for me to lose weight. I can’t imagine how difficult it’s going to be when I’m trying to lose baby weight.

After a six-week hiatus, I returned to yoga last week, which always clears my mind and makes me feel better. And, if the San Francisco weather cooperates, I’ll start taking Homer for some longer walks. Oh, and I’ll stop waking up at 3 a.m. and eating peanut butter sandwiches in bed; that should help.

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

16 thoughts on “Baby poisoning

  1. your pregnancy has made you extra whiny.

  2. Ooooh yeah.
    I hate to say it, but if you’re already over the “baby poisoning” you’re actually doing better than I was. I was horribly sick until well past 20 weeks, and the only things I could really handle were carbs and dairy– milk and graham crackers, macaroni and cheese, maybe some chicken and cheese on a sandwich… So yeah.
    There’s only so much you can do. That is THE big lesson from pregnancy and motherhood I can safely offer– there is only so much you can possibly do. The whole experience throws you up against your own personal limitations and insecurities in so many ways, it isn’t even funny– you just have to let some things go, at least for now.
    You’re doing just fine, Sonia.

    • 20 weeks!? That’s madness. I felt like I was in hell and it was only 6 or 7 weeks. No one I knew had baby poisoning so I was wondering why I was having it so hard. It’s kinda nice to know I’m not some crazy, hyper-sensitive pregnant lady. It just happens to some folks. Luckily (?), I never actually vomited, because I was too busy stuffing my face all the time. My carbs of choice were graham crackers, Wheat Thins and burritos, and lots and lots of ginger ale.

  3. Yeah, I had nausea the first 18 or so weeks of my pregnancy with L. I didn’t tell anyone at the Ex until I was 14 weeks pregnant, and I kept winding up at these press conferences with Gavin Newson or Kamala Harris and it was all I could do not to throw up on anyone important.

    That said, I’ve been meaning to recommend you check out a prenatal yoga class with Jane Austin: http://www.janeaustinyoga.com/ — she teaches at Yoga Tree Valencia during the week and Bernal Yoga on Sundays. She’s amazing.

    • 18 weeks! Egads! I will consider myself lucky now.

      I actually took note of that pre-natal class at Bernal Yoga on Sundays, but I haven’t made it out there yet. I will definitely check it out now. Thanks!

  4. Yeah, being pregnant sucks. My wife when she was pregnant had hyperemesis – or EXTREME morning sickness. Lasted for the first 5 months of the pregnancy. Yes, 5 months! She lost 40 pounds. We had to visit the ER 5 times to get her body fluids through IVs. From then on we visited the hospital like every other week to the “infusion center” to get her IVs. It was a pain in the ass. But we have our beautiful daughter now. =)

  5. Master P, that sounds like the most horrible thing ever!

    Also, I should probably mention that my baby poisoning didn’t just go away. My doc told me to take my prenatal vitamin at night, followed by a vitamin b6 tablet. Also, she told me to take half a Unisom at night. Apparently, Unisom was created as an anti-nausea med first, but it just so happened to make people sleepy.

    Once I started that routine, the baby poisoning lessened.

    • I’m glad your doctor gave you the Unisom tip. I was popping them during the day as well as at night, about half to a third a tablet at a time, to stave off the nausea. Worked really well, I was just kind of a zombie for several months!

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