Yeah, so, I have finally started coming out to my coworkers about the whole pregnancy thing.
Like I mentioned before, I kinda got an instant belly the second the pregnancy test said positive. Since then my life in the office has been like a sitcom in which the actress was pregnant but the character she is playing is not. You know what I mean, right? The actress is always carrying a huge purse or standing behind a counter or wearing a big scarf … that was me.
Of course with the nonstop eating and rapid weight gain, I don’t think I was really fooling anyone. They were just too polite to say anything and then pretended to act surprised when I told them that I wasn’t getting fat because I’m a pig, I was getting fat because I’m pregnant.
At least my coworkers got to hear the news in person, some of our friends weren’t so lucky. You see, a few weeks after we found out about the spawn it was David’s birthday. We were having dinner with a group of friends, and if I didn’t have a glass of wine in my hand it was going to be a giveaway that I was knocked up. Yes, I’m such a boozer that one night out without a drink would be enough to tip off my friends that I’m with child. Sure, I could have made up some lie: “I’m on antibiotics,” or the more graphic “I’m on this new hardcore med for diarrhea and I can’t take it with alcohol.” No one likes to talk about diarrhea, so I’m sure the subject would have been dropped quickly.
I really didn’t want David’s birthday party to turned into a pregnancy announcement party, so we had to tell people in advance. Some of them got Someecards. Some of them got IMs. Some of them got Facebook messages while others got an email with a PS note that said, “Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant.” I think someone was sent a singing telegram.
It’s such a relief for the truth to be out there. Acting like all the wine and cheese we had in Paris was the reason I didn’t fit into my clothes anymore was a real drag. And telling people that I have “that flu that’s going around” instead of being honest and saying, “I have baby poisoning” made me feel like a big, fat, pregnant liar.