Yeah, so, I get asked a lot of questions.
Whether I’m at a party, out with friends or having dinner with the family, I get asked a lot of questions about the pregnancy, the baby and so on. I don’t mind, really. I’m flattered that people are interested enough to ask.
I know that you, my dear readers, probably have questions, too. Well, I am going to answer the most frequently asked questions right here.
Q: How are you feeling?
A: Pretty good. For about six weeks, I had constant baby poisoning, which feels like a never-ending hangover. But that’s over these days. I have some random aches, and I get super exhausted at night, but hey, who doesn’t?
Q: How far along are you now?
A: I’m 15 weeks, which I like to call four months.
Q: When are you due?
A: Oct. 5, which is three days after my birthday. Yep, for the rest of my life this little spawn is going to be stealing my birthday thunder. Dammit!
Q: Do you want a boy or a girl?
A: David wants a boy. When asked, he might give the standard, “Oh, I don’t care as long as it’s healthy” answer, but he really wants a boy. My entire family wants a boy. My sister has two girls. They want a boy. Me? I hope it’s both.
Q: Are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Yes, absolutely! In fact, we are having an ultrasound at the end of the month that might tell us. I know a lot of couples like to wait because they “want to be surprised.” This always makes me laugh. It’s a boy or a it’s a girl. Surprise! A real surprise would be if it’s both, right? I don’t really understand the difference between finding out during an ultrasound or finding out at birth. Wouldn’t you be happy with the result either way? Also, if you know earlier you can get more personalized gifts, decorate accordingly, etc.
Hey, to each their own, but I still can’t wrap my brain around it.
Q: You don’t seem very happy. Aren’t you happy about the baby?
Apparently, I’m not acting the way that soon-to-be moms should act. I was accused of something similar when I was engaged to be married. I wasn’t acting bride-y enough.
Of course I’m happy! I am very happy. I can’t wait to meet this little critter. I already love this lil’ spawn, and I’m doing everything I can to make sure that he or she will be born healthy. David and I will do everything to raise a happy human being, who will absolutely not be a burden on society.
But have I loved being pregnant? So far, not so much, but it’s getting better. The first trimester was rough, but the second is going well. You know, it’s difficult to just hand over your body to something else for nine months. It’s weird, and it’s emotional. It’s emotionally more taxing than I thought it would be. When I talk about it with people I probably sometimes come across as an unfeeling asshole. I’m not a monster, but if I was it would be one of those cuddly ones from “Monsters, Inc.”
My body being out of my control is giving me breast cancer recovery flashbacks. It’s hard to explain to people. In fact, I don’t really like explaining it to people at parties, at family functions, etc., because I don’t like to cry in public unless I can blame it on alcohol, which I can’t do these days. Being all but confined to the couch for six weeks due to the baby poisoning, while David took care of me, reminded me of all my surgeries, all that anxiety, all those emotions. Things were out of my control. It’s scary. And while this pregnancy is a happy thing, it’s still out of my control and it brings up these old feelings. Does that make sense at all?
Also, getting bigger isn’t exactly doing wonders for my self esteem.
But, yes, I’m happy about the baby. I repeat, I’m very, very happy.
Let’s take another question before I get choked up …
Q: Have you had any weird food cravings yet?
Not yet. There was a day that I would have killed a man for a milkshake, but that’s not weird. I think most days I would kill a man for a milkshake, I just don’t usually admit it to myself.
Q: Do you have any names picked out yet?
Yes. Right now, we really like Lando for a boy and Oprah for a girl.
This is a question that I pretty much refuse to give a serious answer to. Many friends and family have quizzed me about this and almost no one has got a serious answer yet. Here’s why: People will ruin names for you. They don’t mean to, but they do.
Me: “We’re thinking about Dean for a boy.”
Well-meaning friend or family member: “I had a roommate in college named Dean. He was a fuckin’ asshole.”
Also, because David’s last name is Tracy, a lot of people like to suggest the names Stacey, Tracy and Dick.
Yes, hilarious. Ha ha ha, it is to laugh.