Yeah, so, spawn isn’t even born yet and he’s already packing heat.
When we found out we were having a boy on Wednesday, I called The Man (for those who don’t know that’s what I call my dad, because he is The Man) to tell him that he was going to have his first grandson. He was on the road to Reno, probably for some hunting convention, so I just left a message, in which, for some reason, I started crying like a little girl. I blame the hormones.
So anyway, upon hearing my message The Man pulled over to the first Cabela’s mega-store he could find and proceeded to buy his grandson a gift. A few days later, The Man called me back and the conversation went like this:
The Man: Are you done crying?
Me: Yes. I’m sorry. I was emotional or something.
The Man: That’s OK. I want you to let everyone know that I already bought MY GRANDSON a gift.
Me: OK then. I will alert the media. Dare I ask what you got him?
The Man: I bought him a gun.
Me: Umm, why would you do that? You know I don’t like that sort of thing.
The Man: Yeah, but I don’t care what you like. [This sentence pretty much sums up everyone’s relationship with The Man.]
Me: I know you don’t.
The Man: It’s a Red Ryder BB gun. You know, like from “A Christmas Story.”
Me: Oh! Well, that’s different, dad. I thought you bought my son a handgun.
The Man: [laughs] Not yet.
Me: Well, he will have to be careful I don’t want him to shoot his eye out.
Eventually, The Man and I agreed that spawn could shoot at targets with supervision. There would be absolutely no shooting at animals!
The Man is a hunter. He travels the world killing animals. He has a room in his home, The Ego Room, filled with animal heads. It’s what he does. Do I like it? Nope. It was never my thing. But, besides rooting for The Giants, it’s what The Man is into. I felt bad that my original reaction was “What the hell are you thinking?” when this is The Man’s way of showing me how excited he is. Also, “A Christmas Story” is one of those bonding movies for us. We love to watch it a few times during that TBS Christmas Eve marathon, and we can quote every word. Another bonding movie is “Footloose” (but he will deny it if asked) and also George Carlin comedy routines (The Man introduced me to George Carlin’s comedy when I was inappropriately young, and for that I thank him.)
Do I love the idea of spawn running around with a BB gun? Not so much. Do I love the idea that The Man is excited about his grandson? Absolutely.