The Sonia Show

Writer. Podcaster. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Dazed and confused


Yeah, so, I am tired.

I’m not talking about “oh, I need an extra hour of sleep” tired or “I stayed up really late” tired. I’m talking about full-on “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in months” tired.

It’s difficult to sleep when you have a basketball where your belly should be and something the size of a butternut squash that loves to dance on your bladder, making you get up every two hours to pee in the middle of the night. Also, I was a back sleeper, which I haven’t been able to do for a while now.

Oh, and here’s a nifty little pregnancy thing I didn’t know. According to Baby Center, “Higher amounts of estrogen during pregnancy can contribute to swelling in the mucous membranes lining the nose.” Translated: I’ve started snoring.

So now here’s what David sees when he comes to bed:

I have two full-body pillows on the bed: one supports my back, the other supports my belly. It’s like I’ve put up a wall in our bed. I might as well put a moat around myself and dare David to cross it. I have a Breathe Right strip across my nose. AND, because I tend to sleep with my eyes open sometimes, I put this ointment in my eyes at night so they won’t dry out.

I know what you are thinking, “David is so lucky! That’s so hot!”

So, yeah, I’m really tired. I walk around most days in a daze. I have this kinda drugged out, far away look about me. I move in slow motion. By the end of the day, I’m almost completely useless. I sit on the couch with my swollen feet up and watch TV. David sits next to me and listens to my inane chatter; the kind of random, incomprehensible stuff that people say when they are talking in their sleep.

Me: “They think I’m crazy, but I know better. It is not I who am crazy. It is I who am mad! Didn’t you hear ’em? Didn’t you see the crowds?”
David: “OK, Sonia, just watch your TV shows. Look, ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ is on. You like ‘So You Think You Can Dance.”
Me: “You covet my ice cream bar! You can’t take it away from me. I’ve had this ice cream bar since I was a child … Oh, look, they’re dancing.”

This lack of good sleep has made me clumsier than usual. David is constantly asking me, “Are you OK?” because I’m always dropping things or banging into furniture. Last week, he refused to let me cut my own bagel because he was convinced I was going to cut off my thumb.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention how forgetful I am. For example, this week I went into the kitchen to make some coffee. I took out the old filter, put in a new filter and walked away. No coffee. No water. Didn’t even turn on the coffee maker. Then 15 minutes later I wondered why I couldn’t smell the coffee brewing. And let us not forget the night I “misplaced” my car.

And, because I’m so pooped, I’m constantly worried that the filter in my brain is going to stop working. I’m going to start saying every stupid or mean thing that pops into my head. (I bet you thought I did that already, huh? Oh, you stupid naïve sucker.) Good buddy Kate says she can’t wait for this happen. Apparently, Sonia: Unfiltered is something that she’s dying to see.

Sure, it might be funny to watch Sonia: Unfiltered go off on someone who deserves it, say someone who texts during a movie in the theater. It might be less fun to watch Sonia: Unfiltered turn into the office asshole and saying things such as “Well, that’s a stupid idea. Anyone in this meeting have an idea that’s not stupid.”

Coworker: “Sonia, will you help me with …”
Me [covered in cookie crumbs]: “Do your own work! Get out of my cube NOW!
Coworker: “Are you OK?”
Me [devouring an entire pie]: “Look away! I’m hideous!”

David has promised me one night of solid sleep after the spawn is born. Hopefully, this will help me get back to my usual clumsy, forgetful, assy self and not this super clumsy, super forgetful and super assy version.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

6 thoughts on “Dazed and confused

  1. Ohhhh, I am laughing and crying at the same time. I’m already not sleeping well (20wks) and I know you’re a little ahead of me. For a while I was napping in my car at lunch, but now it’s 100 deg. out, and I’d die.

    Emailing this to husband w/ subject line: look what you have to look forward to!

  2. I can’t wait until you tell everyone at your baby shower that their gifts are stupid and ugly!

  3. Welcome to pregnancy. I was a mess at work during pregnancy. I made way more mistakes in my stories, and I snapped at co-workers, which I didn’t normally do. I had to apologize a lot. 😦

    Not all the clumsiness/forgetfulness is due to sleep deprivation, though sleep deprivation doesn’t help. Hormones and loosening ligaments also contribute to the clumsiness, and I’ve read some evidence that your brain actually shrinks during pregnancy and the post-partum period. The good news, if you’re not nursing, is that this brain effect allegedly goes away quicker. We’re still nursing at 28 months and I’m still way stupider than I was before I got pregnant.

    Unfortunately, the sleep situation is going to get worse for a while. And how well your baby sleeps will be a total crapshoot. Some will wake every HOUR to eat. At first they don’t know day from night, either, so you will find yourself up at 3 a.m. entertaining a very alert baby. You’ll think it’s getting better and then they will go through some developmental shift and what’s called a “sleep regression.” Really it should be called “the hell where nobody sleeps.”

    Do yourself a favor and start reading Ask Moxie (a blog). I think you’ll like her a lot, especially once you have a baby in your arms. 🙂

  4. Probably the best Ren and Stimpy episode ever produced…thanks for the fond memories…

  5. Just so you know it only gets worse. Lorelei is just about nine and Lucy is three. I got maybe 5 hours of sleep last night. Lucy comes in our room at some point in the night and sleeps sideways digging a foot into my back or rolling about hitting both Tony and I in the face. Lorelei then comes in very upset that her foot hurts. She has a bug bite that is now swollen up that she can’t stop scratching but has scratched it so much that it hurts. I have the first aid kit out and dose her up with Benadryl at 4am then we sleep on the couch together so I can comfort her. I can’t take her to my comfy bed because Lucy and Tony are in there. I wake up and my back is killing me. I’m so tired but I have errands to run and Lucy is potty training so I am dragging around a 3 year old (who luckily is super cute so that helps) who may or may not tell me when she has to pee and ultimately pees in the middle of stores like PetSmart but I’m so tired I don’t really care because dogs pee there all the time and they actually have stations with paper towels that I can use to clean up her mess. They say I’m miss days like this after the kids grow up…

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