The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Can you hear me now, Verizon Wireless?


Yeah, so, I’m not much of a bargain hunter.

I get this from my dad. The Man sees things he wants, and he buys it. “I’m here. I want this. I’m buying it. I’m not going to bargain hunt. My time is valuable.”

Mighty, mighty good man David is the opposite. He is a master bargain hunter and researcher. It’s one of the many, many things I love about him, and it’s why I need him in my life, especially when I’m thinking about buying things such as laptops and cell phones.

Just like The Man, I will see things I want and I’ll just buy it; however, I unlike The Man I can be talked into buying things I don’t need when it comes to electronics, gadgets, etc.

This is purely an electronics/gadgets thing. I don’t go clothes shopping and get talked into buying accessories I don’t need. But when I look at laptops, I can be talked into buying a computer that is way more computer than I need. I’ll leave the store with laptop bags, lifetime warranties and some shit the salesperson just made up to skim some extra cash for himself.

I have been eligible for a phone upgrade for about a month, and while there is nothing wrong with my current phone (which is one of the first Droids to hit the market) I wouldn’t object to a new phone with a better camera, especially with the Spawn on the way. I want crystal clear pictures of Spawn’s shitty diapers to show my friends while they are trying to eat. What can I say? I like to share.

A few weeks ago I received an email saying I could get a total of about $80 off a new phone if I upgrade and signed a new contract. So, David and I went to Verizon to check out the options.

Immediately, a salesperson convinces me that I need a 4G phone, which is more than $100 or so more than the 3G phones that are perfectly fine.

Also, that $80 discount in the email? Yeah, they don’t honor that in the store. It’s an online only thing.

David: “So why should we buy in the store then?”
Salesperson: “Umm.”
David: “OK, come on, Sonia.”
Me [in a robotic voice]: “Must. Get. 4G phone. Life. Empty. Without it.”

David then lured me out of the store with promises of a soft-serve ice cream.

Me [eating my soft-serve ice cream]: “I need a 4G phone. It’s so fast. I can watch movies on it.”
David: “Are you really going to watch a movie on your phone?”
Me: “No, but I could if I wanted to.”

After we got home, David encouraged me to do some research on the phones. After reading several of the sites that he recommended to me and doing comparisons, I learned that, in fact, I don’t need a 4G phone.

I don’t do a lot of crazy things with my phone. I use it as a phone (cute, right?). I text. I Facebook and tweet. I check my email. I take photos. I read celebrity gossip sites while chillin’ in the waiting rooms at Kaiser or when I’m waiting for my always late friends in restaurants or bars. Sometimes I listen to music on it, but not often.

I don’t play games on my phone. In fact, I have never played a game on my phone. I don’t stream movies or TV shows. I don’t really need a phone to control my robot army or launch a satellite … yet.

Also, the battery life on those 4G phones is about an hour or something. I think I would be in a constant state of anxiety, worrying about the battery life of my phone. I don’t need a phone to give me panic attacks. That’s what the Spawn is for.

So, I settled on the perfect phone for me and went to Verizon’s website to order it.

Remember that $80 discount email? Apparently, $50 of that expired, even though there’s no expiration date in the email. WTF?

I start an online chat with one of their representatives, who was about as helpful as the salesperson in the Verizon store, meaning they were completely fuckin’ useless.

Well played, Verizon. My discounted upgrade isn’t really a discounted upgrade. Oh, except you forgot one thing: My contract is up with you in a few months. Maybe I will just move on to another carrier if you don’t satisfy my needs.

Corporation whisperer David shot off an email to Verizon letting them know how unhappy we are, and now I’m getting calls and emails from Verizon trying to make it right.

Will they give me what I want or do I have to break up with them? Stay tuned.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

3 thoughts on “Can you hear me now, Verizon Wireless?

  1. Even better, soon Verizon (like AT&T) will no longer offer unlimited data plans. I had heard rumors, and then received a survey from Verizon recently all about this. We scored some points and saved some money by moving over to a family plan, but those savings will surely get eaten up when we have to PAY FOR DATA OMG NO WUT? Also, I, too, feel compelled to have 4G. Otherwise, why upgrade? My 3G Droid is doing just fine, thanks.

  2. I need a corporation whisperer.

  3. Pingback: Spawns just wanna have fun | The Sonia Show

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