The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

There’s some weird stuff out there for babies

7 Comments

Yeah, so, there is a ton of stuff out there for babies.

The stuff you really need includes formula (if you are not breastfeeding), bottles, diapers and a place for the spawn to sleep. The rest is all extra stuff. It’s awesome, and I’m sure makes your life, and the baby’s life, better but your baby won’t die if he doesn’t have it.

We had two baby showers (because we’re so popular and cool), and we got a ton of amazing stuff. Terrific Star Wars-themed outfits (duh), adorable hats and blankets, cute towels, a swing, a play pen, a stroller, a vibrating chair, and some mat you lay on the ground and put your kid on it and all this stuff hangs over him and entertains him. Our friend Lisa sent us booze, which isn’t technically for the spawn, but it will make his life better if mommy and daddy are happy.

Our friends and family are awesome. We are truly lucky. And I’m so glad that no one got us any of that weird shit that’s out there for babies. Crazy stuff that we would have to pretend to like, only to hide it away in a closet and secretly sell it on eBay.

For example, babies loves to sleep in sacks. It’s true. They love to be swaddled up, so something like this is great, even though it looks like you are just putting your baby in a bag and calling it a night.

But something like this is just wrong. Really wrong. I bet you didn’t know you needed an extra set of hands … creepy hands.

I don’t care how cute you try to make it, I’m still not putting a leash on my spawn.

You will probably need something like this to help the baby if he gets a stuffy nose.

You definitely don’t need a manual snot-sucker … Really, there are no words.

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

7 thoughts on “There’s some weird stuff out there for babies

  1. Holy snot, that is disgusting. I’d rather take my chances siphoning gasoline out of car.

    Someone sent me this last week – http://www.cracked.com/article_19379_12-great-parenting-products-traumatizing-your-baby_p1.html

  2. I was anti-kid-leash myself. Then I met my kid. Who is a TOTAL SPAZ.

    That said, I received our kid leash as a gift and I’ve only ever used it when I’m traveling alone via airplane with him – the airport being the only place that a) I might get justifiably distracted for extended periods of time (I swear, I’ve gotten pulled aside for wanding when traveling with him more than I ever did before); and b) his darting away could not only get him hurt, but conceivably lead to major hassles (I picture him running right through security before I can grab him and leading to yet more TSA drama).

    • I was all about how it was lame and stupid to put a kid on a leash and I would NEVER do THAT to MYYYYYYY kid. Until she turned two, wouldn’t listen and thought it was hysterical to run away from us. On busy streets. Sometimes stopping in the middle of the street and laughing at us until we got there. She has a really cute Nemo “backpack” now and for a few months she had to wear it. We explained to her why she had to wear it and after a couple months she got it. She started holding hands with us when we asked he to and she started walking with us more and running from us less. And it still goes with us when we’re going someplace super busy where she might forget she has to listen when we tell her to stop. She’ll outgrow this, but until then there will be times when Hurricane Kate is on a leash. Most of the time we don’t get crap from people, but when we do it’s from people who either have Stepford kids or no kids. Example from one woman to Steve: “Isn’t that kind of mean? I mean, why does she have to wear that? are you going to tell me that she’ll run into the street if she doesn’t have it on?” Yes, Douche, yes she will. Most of the time these stressed out looking parents ask us where we found it. 🙂
      On the topic of silly stuff for babies – butt wipe warmer. Wtf? Really? And those things are expensive. The swaddler blankets (just velcro your kids in!) baffled me. We just swaddled the monsters with blankets. But we did use the sleep sacks with both kids.

  3. We have that exact bulb snotsucker (not the mouth-driven siphon one). Used it a lot. Your baby, living in a large city and meeting many other cool urban babies, will get little colds all the time — and for some reason, they don’t start out life knowing how to blow their noses, which would be a huge evolutionary improvement. And after darling mucus-face wipes said snot into her eyes and tear ducts, which then swell shut, and an alarmingly young doctor tells you if her eye infection doesnt improve he’ll need to insert a metal needle into her ducts to clear them, that simple little snot bulb vacuum looks awwwwfully handy. (IMNSHO)

  4. I’m going to wait until you’ve spent 2 hours in a dark room with a baby who won’t stay asleep unless you’ve got your hands on it, and a night in a steamy bathroom with a baby who can’t clear his nose, and then I’d like you to revisit this post. 🙂

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