The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Halloween costume ideas for the Spawn


Yeah, so, David and I have a big parenting decision to make, and we need to make it soon.

Our kid isn’t going to dress himself up for Halloween.

In just a few years, mighty, mighty good man David and I will have no say in what costumes the Spawn wears for Halloween. He will want to pick out his own costume.

Spawn: “No, Mom, I’m not wearing that pumpkin costume.”

Me: “This is the thanks I get for carrying you around for 9 months and ruining my smokin’ hot yoga body? You know, maybe it’s time you start looking for your own place. You’re 4 years old now. Aren’t you a little old to still be living with your parents?”

So, yeah, this means that we have to humiliate him now with disgraceful costumes before it’s too late.

Last year, every mom in Potrero Hill was dressed up as a bee keeper and their baby was a bee. I am not joking. Every mom. It must have been decided upon during a neighborhood meeting or something. We will not be doing that. I’m allergic to bees. Besides, we live in Glen Park now.

We have a Wookie costume, but the Spawn is still too small for it, so we are saving it for next Halloween. My sister suggested that we dress the Spawn up as our dog Homer and dress Homer up as the Spawn. Funny idea, but Homer won’t go for it.

The problem is we have no idea what embarrassing costume to go with. We have too many options. Here’s a few of our ideas:

Michele Bachmann: The Spawn gets these crazy eyes, like he is staring through me, which makes me think he could seriously rock a Bachmann costume. Also, he makes a bunch of noise that doesn’t make any sense just like Michele Bachmann. Bonus parenting points for dressing the baby in drag.

Gollum: This would be an easy one. Gollum even wears a diaper. Of course, if wearing a diaper is the top requirement, we could dress the Spawn up as Rupert Murdoch.

Hipster: I could get him some hard-rimmed glasses and a T-shirt for a band you’ve never heard of such as Daycare Fire.

"I'm really into this band right now, Preschool Massacre, but you've probably never heard of them."

Winston Churchill: A little suit and a hat, and we’re done.

Most newborns look like Winston Churchill.

Rebel leader: Inspired by “Total Recall,” we would just have to put the Spawn in a Baby Bjorn to pull this one off … Oh, and make him look hideously ugly.

Charlie Brown: The Spawn is a bit of a blockhead. See?

The Dramatic Chipmunk: The Spawn looks at us like this … a lot. This costume would be a natural fit for him.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

2 thoughts on “Halloween costume ideas for the Spawn

  1. These are great! Many people look for Halloween costume ideas, but I have put together a list of fun things to do with your Halloween costumes even after October 31st. If you have more of your own funny ideas I would love to hear them.

  2. The side-by-side Charlie Brown pics are ADORABLE!! But no. Ever since I saw Total Recall, I’ve wanted to do that with a baby for a Halloween costume…and I was far too young back then to be thinking of babies! That, or an Alien-esque costume. Something disturbing with a baby attached to the gut >:)
    But alas, I had two of them to deal with and the sperm donor wasn’t any help 😛

    You’ll possibly get two to three more years to pick costumes…even at 7 mine are still influenced by me (superheros, ftw!! One of these days they WILL be the Wonder Twins, dammit!)

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