The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Home alone

4 Comments

Yeah, so, I apologize for the week-long blog silence.

My mother-in-law was visiting last week, and I didn’t want to blog in front of her. “Oh hey, thanks for visiting. I only see you once a year, but I’m important and special and have blogging to do. You understand, right?”

I bet you thought I wasn’t posting because the Spawn had sapped my will to write, huh? False. But, he does keep us pretty busy. David is going back to work tomorrow, which means I will be all alone with the little guy all day. Yep, all by myself … with the baby … all day long.

What could possibly go wrong?

[sigh]

If David comes home and we are both still alive I will consider the day a success.

I’m kinda nervous about it. I’m not nervous about taking care of Spawn. I mean, it’s not difficult to feed a baby and change his diapers. I’m worried about him crying all day and nothing I do consoles him, and then David comes home to two crying babies. Of course, this is crazy talk, because the Spawn is a pretty good baby. He only cries when he is hungry, gassy or needs a diaper change. Babies: They’re just like us.

I do worry that after a few days alone with the baby my mind will be bye-bye. I already talk to the baby in the third person.

“Mommy wishes someone would feed her a bottle, change her diaper and swaddle her, but your daddy is only into role playing games that involve a 20-sided die.”

David probably imagines that he will come home after a hard day’s work to find his son sound asleep and his wife decked out in a dress and pearls. She will hand him a martini and tell him about the pot roast she’s making for dinner. Instead, David will come home from work to find his wife wearing yoga pants and a Giants hat. She will hand him the baby and pour herself a glass of wine.

So anyway, David and I have been pretty good about taking the little guy out and about. Now is the time to do it, because he really just eat, poops and sleeps. We’ve taken him to happy hour twice at Epic Roasthouse. We like to go there, because we can sit outside with a sleeping creature in a stroller. Also, they have really good sangria.

Spawn hardly drank any of his sangria before he passed out. Rookie.

We took Spawn to SFO to pick up David’s mom.

We let him ride the baggage carousel, too.

Also, while David’s mom was visiting we went to the mall. Like most men, the Spawn wasn’t lovin’ the mall. We spent most of the time doing this:

The Spawn doesn't give a shit about the sale at the Gap.

We also took him to a Halloween party.

Spider-Baby, Spider-Baby, does whatever a Spider-Baby does ...

In some non-Spawn related news, I will be doing some non-Sonia Show writing this week. Starting Thursday, I will be writing the Scoop column for the San Francisco Examiner for about a week. The regular writer is going on vacation. Be on the lookout for links to the column on the blog, on Twitter and on Facebook, because I’m a self promoting whore.

Yes, I know I swore I would never write for The Examiner again after my tumultuous tenure, which ended with me quitting without another job in 2006 because I decided I would rather live on the street than work there. However, the truly evil editor who wanted me dead is no longer working there, so I figured why not. And, I’m not exactly raking in the big bucks while I’m on maternity leave. Plus, I really like making fun of celebrities.

Advertisements

Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

4 thoughts on “Home alone

  1. There are the photos I was looking for — Calvin with his eyes open!

  2. You look skinny!

  3. I am really excited because I doubt your column will have very many errors. Are you going to put dead people in the birthdays? That’s a Scoop! tradition by now.

  4. Cool. Looking forward to the Scoop. Or did I already miss it? Oh, cute kid, by the way.

Leave a comment, you guys. It's fun!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s