Yeah, so, what am I doing all day?
I’m spending all my time with the Spawn. That’s pretty much it.
Sometimes we just chill on the couch and watch TV. Well, I watch TV. He’s not watching TV, but I still turn on “Sesame Street” in the morning. Is that weird? I also watch all my recorded shows that David doesn’t watch such as “The Walking Dead.” Totally appropriate for the baby, right?
Sometimes, I pack him up, and we walk along the Embarcadero. Going on this simple walk is more difficult than you think. It takes forever to get out the door now. I have to make sure that the Spawn is full of formula and has a clean diaper. If I’m lucky, and the stars align, I’ll feed him, change his diaper and he’s ready to go. More often, I feed him, change him and then he wants more food, so I feed him again, and then he shits himself and so on and so on.
We go through this same routine any time we are leaving the house. I now understand why my friends with kids are late to everything. I went to my first mom and baby yoga class this afternoon. The class started at noon, and it pretty much took me all morning to get ready.
By the way, the class was great! Honestly, I thought I would hate it. Even though I have a baby, I don’t necessarily feel like I have a lot in common with other moms that I don’t know. And I was worried that the Spawn would start crying the second the class started, and all the other moms would look at me like, “She is doing everything wrong.” And then I would throw the Spawn in his stroller and run out of the class crying.
Instead, the class was filled with about 20 moms and their babies, and most of the babies were crying or fussy. It was expected. You did yoga if you could. If you had to feed or hold your baby, you did it. No judgment. Also, there were some assistants in the class who would hold your baby for you, if you needed it. Luckily for me, the Spawn slept through the entire class. I never took him out of his stroller. It was awesome, and it made me feel like I was the best mom ever. I am on a quest to shed the pregnancy pounds, so I’m so happy to be returning to yoga. It always makes me feel amazing.
One of the other things I’ve been doing a lot with the Spawn is laughing. Seriously. That kid cracks me up.
He loves to look at himself in the mirror like a parakeet. Unfortunately, I can’t just put a blanket over his cage and say, “Night night,” so I can get a solid eight hours of sleep. And yes, I said “cage.” That’s basically what a crib is: It’s a cage without a top.
At some point while I’m feeding him, the Spawn will spit the bottle out. He will just sit there and look at me like this:
Then I hear it. [insert farting noise here] He fills up his diaper. It always makes me laugh. I laugh even harder when he does it to David, who has just come home from work and can’t wait to see the boy. “Hi Dad! Change my diaper!”
The kid is really into sucking on his hand and fingers, and it makes this kinda gross slurping noise. It’s the same sound that Homer makes when he’s tossing his own salad. Obviously, I’m an immature jackass, because it totally slays me.
Oh, and the boy is smiling these days. His smile makes me smile.