The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

I took advantage of the holidays sales and bought stuff for myself

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Yeah, so, I bought some new clothes.

I haven’t lost enough of the pregnancy weight to wear my old clothes, and I don’t like wearing the maternity clothes anymore. Maternity clothes are all about showing off a belly that I’m now trying to conceal, and squeezing into my pre-pregnancy clothes is really sad and making me feel like I’m living in some sort of weight denial – like I could be featured on a TLC series titled, “I Didn’t Know I Was Fat.” I figured some clothes that actually fit would improve my mental state. Trying to put on my pre-Spawn clothes is just setting myself up for failure. I’m not there yet.

I didn’t want to spend a ton on what I’m calling “transition” clothes, since I am dieting and exercising in an effort to drop the weight. For the love of god, I ate celery yesterday. Celery!!! So, I gave myself a modest budget and went to Old Navy for a few basics: a pair of jeans, a couple of tops and a sweater.

I’m proud of myself for two reasons.

1) I only went $40 over the amount I was planning to spend. Not bad considering I also picked up a coat to replace the one that some stupid bitch stole from me and a few cute outfits for the Spawn, including a onesie with the Batman  symbol. I mean, come on!

2) I didn’t break down in the store and start crying. I had no concept of what size pants I would fit into. I feel so gigantic that I was worried that everything I tried on would make me feel even worse. What I discovered was my body isn’t as bad off as I thought. I bought a pair of size 12 jeans. Now, that’s a far cry from the 4s and 6s I was wondering a year ago, but honestly, it could be worse.

Oh, and I’ve got some serious hips now. Umm, I kinda like ’em. I could live with these hips. I think they’re kinda sexy. It’s the flabby belly that kills the awesome hourglass shape I’ve got going on.

So yeah, am I comfortable being a size 12? Not really. I’m not comfortable in my own skin these days. But after three breast cancer surgeries and now popping out a spawn, this body has been through a lot. Plus, I’m 41. My body doesn’t bounce back like it used to. I suspect losing the pregnancy weight is going to be a struggle. I’m not looking to be a super model here. I just want to wear my old clothes. I like those clothes. I spent a lot of time picking them out and a lot of money purchasing them.

And let me go on the record that I am in no way suggesting that anyone who wears a size 12 is fat. I am only saying that I am not comfortable being a size 12. It doesn’t feel like me. Also, as a breast cancer survivor and a new mom, it is my duty to prevent cancer from returning, and eating a healthy diet and maintaining a healthy weight is important.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

One thought on “I took advantage of the holidays sales and bought stuff for myself

  1. Good luck with the weight loss– it’s good that you’re getting a good start on that, I put it on the back burner for the first year or so and ended up actually losing and then gaining weight again. Sigh. I have no doubt you’ll get in shape again though, you’ve always shown a lot of determination in that area.

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