The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Why I won’t be seeing ‘War Horse’

4 Comments

Yeah, so, mighty, mighty good man David and I are hoping to get out and see some movies soon, because there are a few playing in theaters right now that we really want to see.

“The Muppets,” “Hugo,” “The Artist:” But you know what we won’t be seeing? “War Horse.”

The preview alone make me want to cry. Well, it also kinda creeps me out. At one point, the kid says to the horse, “Wherever you are, I will find you.” I think Daniel Day Lewis says something very similar to Madeline Stowe in “The Last of the Mohicans,” which makes me think “War Horse” is a movie about, errr, forbidden love.

But, put the bestiality vibe aside and the preview mainly makes me want to cry.

You know there are dead horses in the movie, right?

Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert.

There are totally dead horses in the movie. The movie is called “War Horse.” That means there are two things in the movie: War and horses. Do the math: War + horses = dead horses.

Yeah, I’m not paying $11 or more to see a movie with dead horses. I can see dead animals at my parents’ house for free.

I don’t like movies that star animals. Inevitably, the animal is hurt, put in danger or – worse – killed, and I embarrass myself by bawling like a baby in the theater. I had friends watch “Babe” for me to tell me if it was safe for me to watch. Movies such as “Old Yeller” remain unwatched by me. I would never recover. Never!

Spoiler alert, for reals this time. Don’t read any further if you don’t want to read about animals dying in movies.

I saw the Michael Moore documentary “Roger & Me” in the theater. Remember the lady who is selling rabbits for pets or food? There was a scene in which a rabbit was put in a cage with a snake and killed. I ran out of the theater sobbing.

[Interesting side note: My sister and I had rabbits when we were kids. My parents wanted them for food. We thought they were pets. I think you can see where this is going. One day, my dad started killing some of the rabbits. They made a horrible screaming noise when they were killed. I ran down the street to a friend’s house crying, and I really hated my dad for a while after. It was my “Silence of the Lambs” moment, and I can still hear the screaming of the rabbits. I’m traumatized for life. True story. Remind me to share the story about how The Man choked an antelope to death in front of me. Seriously.]

“Dances with Wolves” – I got up and ran out of the theater in tears when the wolf, Two Socks, was shot by those assy soldiers.

“I Am Legend” – The dog gets bit by the zombie creatures and starts turning into one, so Will Smith has to kill it … Excuse me, I have something in my eye. … I blubbered in the theater for the remainder of the film – well beyond the appropriate time to cry about a dog dying in a science fiction movie. The person I saw the movie with was embarrassed. Of course, he was an asshole anyway, so I’m glad he was embarrassed.

My sensitivity isn’t limited to live-action movies. Not only did the first 15 minutes of “Up” completely wreck me, but I started weeping when the bird got dragged away from her babies.

I know, right? I’m ridiculous.

Oh, and by the way, I’ve seen a million movies with human beings getting hurt or killed – very few have made me cry, which makes me a complete asshole, right?

I’m not saying I saw “Schindler’s List” and shrugged my shoulders and thought, “Meh.” But plenty of movies and TV shows involve death and/or murder it doesn’t wreck me like that chimp dying in that ’80s Matthew Broderick movie, “Project x.”

This is why I’m not seeing “War Horse.” I don’t care if it gets 100 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and wins the Oscar for Best Picture. Thanks, but no thanks.

 

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

4 thoughts on “Why I won’t be seeing ‘War Horse’

  1. I’m with you. I can’t handle animals dying in movies, and I also bawled at I Am Legend — for the dog, not every single other person who died in that movie. Alejandro González Iñárritu is one of my favorite film directors, yet I refuse to see Amores Perros because I hear there are scenes of dog fighting and, of course, dog dying. And horse movies are the worst — there is not much more sickening than a horse breaking a leg or getting shot. Maybe because they’re so big?

  2. The movie honors a real life hero. Horses have amazing huge hearts.While not the smartest of animals, have a dignity, majesty and faithful integrity to their keepers. If you’ve never really known a horse, it is about horses dying.
    I’ll go, and cry, for the majesty of a special beast and his life-saving burdens.

  3. I didn’t know you were sharing that part of my brain.

    Lately at work there’s been this spate of animal-brutality stories. My coworkers are nice, and try to keep them away from me (“don’t read this one! I’ll read this one.”), but sometimes I end up having to read one and then go in the privacy room, call my puppy on the phone (what?) and cry at him.

  4. This movie creeps me out. Lol at last of mohawks line. Talk more about the bestiality vibe. That’s funny and gross. Maybe it’s Jeremy Irvine? the trailer he is looking so longingly and lovingly it’s gross. Maybe it’s just me I’m not a horse person, but horse people arent like this right?

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