The Sonia Show

Writer. Podcaster. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

I can’t stay on maternity leave forever


Yeah, so, I go back to work tomorrow.


I’m sure that Homer will take excellent care of Calvin while I’m at work, right? I kid. Homer is our backup, if this whole nannyshare thing doesn’t work out.

People keep asking me if I’m ready to go back to work.

If you had asked me when I was pregnant if I would be ready to go back to work after a three-and-a-half-month maternity leave, the answer would have been “yes.” I would have imagined that being alone with the Spawn all the time would turn my brain to mush. Also, I couldn’t imagine not working. I always work.

But now, I feel like if I had the option; if money wasn’t a concern … Maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe I wouldn’t go back until he started preschool.

I like my job. I like my coworkers. But I love the Spawn more. Every day there’s something new with him, and I’m going to miss it. I’ll be in my cube at work. He will do something cute he’s never done before, and the nanny will see it. It makes me really sad to think about.

The thing is this: Calvin will be fine. He will have a great time with the nanny and his new friend, Jamie. I, on the other hand, will probably be a wreck all day. Oh, who am I kidding? I will probably be a wreck all week. Long lunches with adult sodas will be required.

Of course, if I really think about it, it’s not that weird that I wouldn’t want to go back to work. If money wasn’t a concern, would any of us go into an office and sit in a cubicle? I would much rather play with the Spawn than write SEO copy. I would much rather take long walks with the boy in a stroller … in Paris with a delicious mulled wine in the stroller’s cup holder, since I’m pretending that I’m part of the 1 percent now.

I’m pretty sure when I’m old, and I look back at my life, I won’t say, “I wish I had spent more time at work. That cubicle was really great.”


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

3 thoughts on “I can’t stay on maternity leave forever

  1. Oh yeah. So hard. In some ways, the second or third week is the hardest, because the initial adrenaline and “whoo, back to school” feeling evaporates.
    And I never thought I’d want to stay home with a kid either, until I had one and suddenly desperately wanted it. Staying home is hard in its own way, though. You may come to appreciate the grown up time away from home.
    The most important thing is to have full confidence in the person watching him– you need to be able to go to work feeling really really comfortable that he is ok and well looked after. So long as you have that, you’ll be ok. Hang in there, and try to have some fun at work.

  2. I feel confident that the nanny we got will take good care of the boy. He was all smiles for her when I dropped him off this morning.

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