The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Tips for dealing with the office busybody

23 Comments

Yeah, so, we have a bit of an office busybody.

We’ve all come to realize that she’s the food police, but now she is poking her nose into everyone’s business and must be stopped.

I’m fine with a little office small talk. I can live with that. Unfortunately, she’s not very good at it.

When I was pregnant, she basically called me a huge fat ass every day.

Her: [as she walks by my cube] “You have big baby.”
Me: “Umm, yeah. Thanks?”

That happened every day of my pregnancy. Seriously. I kinda hoped it would stop now that I’m not pregnant anymore, but instead she just stops at my cube every day and looks at my baby photos hanging on the wall.

Her: “You have big baby.”
Me: “Yes. I know.”
Her: “He is like 8 months old now?”
Me: “He’s almost 4 months old.” [For someone who works in the finance department, she is surprisingly bad with numbers.]
Her: “You have big baby.”
Me: [sigh]

Apparently, she’s timing how long we are in the restroom, too. A coworker used the restroom, and when he came out she said, “You were in there for a long time. What were you doing in there?”

The coworker was mortified. I haven’t seen him in a while. I suspect he left the company out of embarrassment. I think he should have responded, “I was taking a huge dump. Happy now?” It might have shut her up.

On Tuesday I kept getting a bloody nose in my cube. Unrelated, I had to leave the office early because our hot water heater was broken, and I needed to meet with a repairman to get it fixed.

Her: “You had a bloody nose yesterday.”
Me: “Yes.”
Her: “Then you left early, right? I noticed you weren’t here. Was it because of your bloody nose?”

I wanted to scream, “Shut up! It’s not your business what I do!”

Me: “Umm, no. I had to go home and meet a repairman to fix my broken hot water heater.”
Her: “Oh.”
Me: “Fascinating, right? Aren’t you glad you asked?”

I don’t want to be rude to her. I’m sure she is a perfectly nice person. I think she’s just terrible at small talk. I’m thinking about trying to bore her into not concerning herself with me or what I do.

Her: “What are you eating, Sonia?”
Me: “It’s a salad. I went to Trader Joe’s yesterday. You know the parking is really terrible at the one closest to me in San Francisco, so I go to the one in Daly City. There is plenty of parking at that one. So, I found a spot right away and parked my car. It’s a Saturn. You know, they don’t make Saturns anymore. True story. So anyway, the spot was kinda far, though, so I had to walk a few minutes to the store. It was kinda cold out. I was thinking, ‘Gosh, I should have worn a warmer jacket.’ I should be wearing a warmer coat, I mean, it’s January, right? So anyway, when I got into the store, I got a cart, and wouldn’t you know it, the cart has a broken wheel, so I had to get another cart.  So, I got another cart, and then I noticed someone else was about to grab the cart I put back so I said, ‘Oh, don’t take that one. It’s got a broken wheel.’ I thought it was a friendly heads up, but the person didn’t thank me. I know, right?! So anyway, I went to the produce section first. I always like to start in the produce section, don’t you? So I got some lettuce and some broccoli and some carrots and some blueberries. I had the blueberries for breakfast. You ever eat a blueberry and it tastes like dirt? I hate when that happens. So anyway, after the produce section I went to the cheese section. I love cheese, don’t you? Cheese is so awesome. I didn’t know what kind of cheese I wanted so I just bought a bunch of different kinds and … Hey, where are you going? I haven’t got to the part where I picked out the salad dressing. Gawd! If you don’t want to know all about my lunch then don’t ask!”

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

23 thoughts on “Tips for dealing with the office busybody

  1. Good tip! Because being a bitch sure didn’t work. Frowning at my monitor as if I were in deep concentration didn’t work, and neither did pretending to be on the phone (Loud whisper: “ARE YOU ON THE PHONE?!”)

  2. this is my new favorite blog! YES!

  3. Sonia, you wrote a blog post. It’s a medium-length blog post. You are the writer of the post. It’s a lengthy post.

  4. I didn’t know you were working with my mom. Because you are totally working with my mom.

  5. C’mon. We all know that “masturbating” is the correct response whenever anyone asks what you were doing in there so long. Even if it’s not true, they usually regret asking and will leave you alone after that. It helps if you keep looking at them a little too long for the rest of the day.

  6. UPDATE: The office busybody just wandered into my cube and asked me for a napkin or paper towel because the dispenser is broken in the kitchen area. I had just gotten back from lunch. It was like she was waiting for me to come back so she could ask me for a napkin. Why not go into the restroom and get a paper towel yourself?

  7. Hardest part of work is always the gd people you’ve got to put up with!

  8. I worked with a busy body who made my life a misery. She listened into all my conversations and phone calls. Always butted in and got the wrong end of the stick. All she did all day was whisper and gossip right in front of me. She wanted everyone to indulge in her and she hated me because I didn’t want to. She was constantly moaning to the bosses about me. She drove everyone nuts! Absolutely hideous woman who was also really frumpy as she wore long floral frumpy dresses. So gad I got away from her!

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