The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Can’t hardly weight

12 Comments

Yeah, so, let me apologize in advance for this post. There is nothing more boring than some chick talking about her diet, but here we go.

I put on a ton of weight when I got knocked up.

I put on so much weight that I lied to people when they asked me how much weight I gained. The number of pounds was so high that I gave my inquisitors a lower number … and that number was still really high. Trust me. I put on so much weight that I won’t admit the number here, and I admit everything here. I once wrote about being so desperate for a drink that tried to make a Hot Toddy with sugar-free maple syrup because that all I had in the house.

When I got pregnant, I wanted to be Heidi Klum. I wanted to stay slim with the exception of a baby bump. It was a laughable, unrealistic goal. The minute the pregnancy test said positive I put on 10 pounds. The baby poisoning didn’t help matters. Plus, I had my thyroid gland removed back in 1998, because all the cool kids were doing it. Thyroid glands control metabolism, and my meds were constantly being adjusted to accommodate the growing the spawn. Of course, these all sound like sorry-ass excuses, right? I also replaced red wine and dark beer with milkshakes; tasty, tasty milkshakes.

So, yeah, I got big.

Throughout the entire pregnancy I beat myself up for it. Yes, I’m so fucked up in the head that I wouldn’t let myself be fat even when pregnant. That’s some serious bullshit, right?

While I was carrying around this little person inside of me, I kept my fingers crossed that the pregnancy weight would just melt away after I gave birth. “I’m totally special, you guys. It’s going to happen for me.” Once again, it was a laughable, unattainable goal.

I’m really ashamed. I can be really mean to myself. The horrible things I say to myself; I would never say those things to someone else who was in my position. I’m so ashamed I didn’t even want to write about it, because I like to pretend that I’m well adjusted and awesome. The truth is I’m just as screwed up as everyone else … and awesome. Also, I write about everything here. I can’t keep secrets from you … except how much weight I truly put on. I’m not ready to share that just yet.

I’m writing about this because I want other women who may stumble across this blog to know that it’s hard to lose the pregnancy weight. We’re not super models. We’re not actresses. It’s their job to look good. I’m pretty sure if it was my job to look like physical perfection after giving birth, I would do it. It’s easy when you have people cooking for you, and a nanny on staff to watch your baby, so you have time to work out all day long with your personal trainer.

Sadly, I’m just a regular person. It’s not my job to look like a Photoshopped magazine cover. I have to cook for myself. I have to sit in a cube all day to earn a living. When I’m not in the cube, I have a baby to take care of. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for hitting the gym. I’m not Beyonce. I’m not Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m not Kate Hudson. I’m just lame, nerdy ol’ me.

I try to get in some exercise. I try to hit a yoga class, and I love to go for walks. But my time is limited. My half-ass dieting and occasional workouts are not enough to help me drop these spawn-induced pounds, which is why [cue dramatic music] I joined Weight Watchers.

Yes, yes, I know. I’m one of those jerks who talks about how many points food is. Feel free to mock me, but it’s working. I’ve lost 10 pounds in the first month. Sure, I eat fruit and veggies all day, so I can waste my points on booze at night, but I’m still losing weight. It won’t be long before I will be wearing my pre-knocked up clothes again.

I feel like an asshole writing about my weight (again). I suspect any man stopped reading this post at the first line, while women are reading and nodding. I know I’m not alone.

What a stupid thing for me to be worrying about all the time. Seriously. It’s such a waste of energy. I beat cancer. I went through three different breast cancer surgeries. I pushed a healthy baby out of my uterus without drugs. Honestly, most of the time I walk around thinking there is nothing I can’t do — except be nice to myself for putting on weight while pregnant … and be in the same room as a spider. Oh hell no! I would rather die.

OK, once again. I apologize for this post. Here’s a cute photo of The Boy on Oscar Sunday.

Future Oscar host

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

12 thoughts on “Can’t hardly weight

  1. I’m so glad WW is working for you. It took me ages to lose the weight I gained (and I gained MORE postpartum) — it took ages, due to all the obstacles you mention. Tough work. Good job! Now please beat up on yourself less. 🙂

  2. Congrats on the 10 lbs! That is awesome! WW rules! I’m getting ready to read Jennifer Hudson’s book “I’ve Got This”. Whatever works. Looking forward to our walk around the lake tomorrow at lunch. I hope it doesn’t rain :/

  3. lolol, you are so funny Sonia! Congratulations on your weight loss. WW , Jenny Craig, Atkins,, whatever you choose it’s all about your commitment to get healthier, so good for you for sticking with it. 60 lbs with Liam (oh yeah)… took me 3 years before I finally got it in my head to stick with a plan. Shock the system sister. Good luck! Gwendolyn

  4. Here’s what I’m mad at on your behalf:
    -Pop culture for making you think that it’s not really OK to gain weight when you’re LITERALLY carrying a WHOLE OTHER BEING
    -Pop culture (again) for making you think it’s not OK to keep it back on when you have the baby to take care of after it is born
    -People who’ve made you feel bad about what you weigh or don’t weigh
    -People who’ve made you feel bad for WRITING about what you weigh or don’t weigh
    -OR TALKING ABOUT IT

    You have the right to tell your story! Anyway, yeah.

  5. Be careful. You’ll end up losing a bunch of weight and feeling great. Your body will respond in kind, and the next thing you know, you’ll be due Oct 4 with kid #3. Take it from me, I know.

  6. Just came across this blog. D’s nearly two now and I am just now really getting started on actively trying to lose weight. I got down to less than 10 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight without trying too hard at one point– hooray nursing and stress, I guess– and then promptly put another 10 or 15 back on. It’s so freaking frustrating. I’m curious to know if you feel deprived/grumpy/frustrated on Weight Watchers? I’ve thought about joining, but I wonder if I can stick with it. Good for you for making it work. =)

    • I have been having great success with Weight Watchers. I’ve lost 13 pounds in six weeks, and I don’t ever feel hungry. I have been logging my food online. Super easy. I think WW really helps with portion control. That’s always been a big problem for me, and this has been really helpful and enlightening.

      Geez, I sound like the commercial.

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