The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

I’ll drink to that

3 Comments

Yeah, so, I’m a liar.

Allow me to explain … My right arm started hurting back in November. The pain was in the shoulder, and now it’s kinda traveled down to my upper arm, too. It doesn’t constantly hurt. It’s more of a sharp pain when I put on a coat, close the car door or reach for something. Of course, I blame The Boy. He’s heavy.

After months of watching me wince every time I put on a coat or reach for a beer, mighty, mighty good man David convinced me to go see a doctor. I hate going to the doctor. Every time I go to the doctor they tell me I have breast cancer or that I’m pregnant.

So, I went to the doctor, and I have to do physical therapy for my arm. But that’s not what makes me a liar … While I was in the exam room, the doctor asked me a bunch of standard questions.

Doctor: Do you smoke?
Me: No.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol?
Me: [reluctantly answers] Yes.
Doctor: How much would you say you drink?
Me: Oh, I don’t know. Umm, maybe a glass of wine or a beer with dinner, errr, maybe … every other night.
Doctor: [writes that down]
Me: I have a baby now. I’m not going out to bars every night and getting wasted.
Doctor: [writes that down]
Me: Not that I stay home and get wasted. [nervous laughter]

Now, regular readers of The Sonia Show know that the last time I was asked about booze by a doctor I was red flagged as a potential binge drinker. True story. While I was pregnant I was red flagged as someone who may be a binge drinker and had to meet with a counselor. I am not a binge drinker. I have never been a binge drinker. However, I am now so afraid of being red flagged and forced to see a counselor again that I cringe when they ask about my alcohol consumption and then I lie.

Yep, I totally lied.

The truth is I have a beer or a glass of wine almost every night. That doesn’t make me a binge drinker. I think it makes me French. But, I can’t say that to the doctor, right? If I do then the next thing I know I’m being red flagged, I’m seeing a counselor and a case worker from Child Protection Services shows up at my house. And I don’t want Child Protection Services at my house. It’s a mess. There are beer and wine bottles all the over the house …

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

3 thoughts on “I’ll drink to that

  1. Okay, but what’s wrong with your ARM? 😛

  2. I swear, every time I used to go to the dentist when I was a kid the dentist would ask me if I was brushing my teeth, and I’d lie, and he’d know it, and he’d fucking drill into nerves and pack my mouth with enough mercury to I don’t know what…

  3. You know I heard somewhere that tendonitis in the elbow and arm was becoming increasingly common among parents. Apparently babies are getting bigger or something?
    Spawn’s just going to have to stop growing, clearly.

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