The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

The Avengers, Too

3 Comments

Yeah, so, last week mighty, mighty good man and I saw “The Avengers.” It’s a good movie, very entertaining that was almost ruined by some chatty, texting, photo-taking family.

I like the idea of taking superheroes from different movies and having them fight evil together in one movie. In “The Avengers,” there’s Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America, Thor and two other people who didn’t have their own movies beforehand so who cares.

“The Avengers” made a ton of money, so I imagine that other “Avenger” movies are in the works.

Hollywood, I want to help you. After movies such as “That’s My Boy” and whatever that horrible movie was that had Cameron Diaz in it, you need my help. For a meager fee, you can have my idea for an “Avengers”-style movie called “The Avengers, Too,” featuring 11 superheroes that you can acquire the rights to for rock-bottom prices.

I bet Billy Zane is willing to leave his current role as manager of Starbucks to reprise his role as The Phantom.

Alec Baldwin is pretty busy these days with “30 Rock” and punching photographers, but you could get Stephen Baldwin dirt cheap.

The Rocketeer is like Iron Man, only personality-less and lame.

I’m not sure what Darkman’s super power is. I think he was just a really smart burn victim, but someone in these superhero movies has to work in the lab and say smart things about photons or something.

Just like “The Avengers,” “The Avengers, Too” needs a female superhero who doesn’t really have any superpowers, so heeeere’s Tank Girl.

The Beastmaster can talk to animals, which might come in handy if you’re fighting evil in a zoo or at a PetSmart. He’s just like Dr. Dolittle, except he wears a loin cloth and carries a sword.

Robert Townsend isn’t busy, you guys.

Hollywood is obsessed with marketing movies to young boys, so here you go, young boys — boobs.

The Toxic Avenger is just like the Incredible Hulk, except his movies have a higher score on Rotten Tomatoes.

He has puppy power!

No offense, Samuel L. Jackson, but there is only one Nick Fury and that is David Hasselhoff. He fights evil, and then he goes home and drunkenly eats hamburgers.

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

3 thoughts on “The Avengers, Too

  1. This would make the most awesome movie ever

  2. The Rocketeer is like Iron Man’s depressing, poor cousin.

  3. Tank Girl — yep, that’s the one I’d pick!

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