Yeah, so, on Sunday, mighty, mighty good man and I took The Spawn to the Alameda County Fair for fried food and people watching.
I have only been to the Alameda County Fair once before, and it was to race Homer in a wiener dog race back in 2007. He didn’t even finish the race. He just wandered into the crowd and started begging for food. True story.
So anyway, we got to the fair at the opening time of 11 a.m., because we are freaks who wake up at 7 a.m. on a Sunday, thanks to The Boy. We paid our $10 admission and were promptly ushered through a metal detector. Actually, David was ushered through the metal detector. I guess he looks threatening. I was told to go around with our ginormous stroller and massive diaper bag. While “security” was searching purses, I was let right in with a diaper that is so big I could have smuggled in a box of wine, a sword and any number of exotic animals. I felt so safe.
David immediately acquired some funnel cake, while I had a soft serve nonfat frozen yogurt, because I was kidding myself. I later inhaled a pulled pork sandwich and coleslaw, and then chugged a beer. Diet ruined.
So, while waiting in line for my frozen yogurt, I saw this:
I guess deep-fried watermelon is a thing now. “I have an idea: Let’s take a perfectly healthy food and ruin it.”
You guys, not everything needs to be deep fried. Let’s show some restraint. Later in the day, I would see a stand serving deep-fried burritos. I think burritos are the world’s most perfect food. They deserve better than that. I did not see the stands for deep-fried butter and deep-fried beer, but I know they exist.
Luckily for us, The Spawn is only nine months old, and therefore isn’t interesting in going on rides or playing those carnival games that rip you off. We really just walked around, looked at cute animals and laughed at the fair’s ridiculous rides. You can’t go wrong with a merry-go-round or a ferris wheel, but there were several rides that were the poorman’s Disneyland rides. These rides involve Disney-type characters, but they are just different enough to not get anyone sued. There was a Cars Land ride with cars that you can pretend to drive, and they go in a circle. Oh boy! A car I can pretend to drive! Here’s my cash! There was also a Dumbo-type ride with flying elephants called Jumping Jumbos. Well played, county fair!
We also saw a ride that was called Michael Jackson. See?
Me: “Why is that ride called Michael Jackson?”
David: “Because it appeals to young boys.”
I didn’t go on any of the rides, because I don’t want to die, but it looked like folks we’re having a good time. We went to the fair with some friends and their kids, and they went on the rides. Those carnival games and tickets to ride? They add up. It’s $5 to play one of those games. If you go to the fair with a couple of kids, prepare yourself to spend a chunk of change.
Of course, I’m being assy about the fair, but the truth is we had a really good time. We left the fair around 4 p.m. It was starting to get crowded. Salt N Pepa were playing that night, and folks who were ready to push it real good were already lining up.
Let’s end this post on a cute note: Here’s a photo of David and The Boy looking at the model trains.