Yeah, so, we read to the Spawn almost every night, because we are perfect parents as well as awesome people. Save your calls to Child Protection Services, jerks.
Most nights mighty, mighty good man David does the reading, because I never learned to read. I know this is no surprise to long-time readers of this blog. The Boy has a nice collection of literature, including “50 Shades of Grey,” which I think he got from his Aunt Michelle. But usually David reads “Brown Bear, Brown Bear: What Do You See?” It’s a cute book.
On nights that I read to The Boy, I don’t go for “Brown Bear.” I feel like that is David’s book to read, so I opt for “Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus.” Now, if you don’t know the plot of “Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus,” allow me to explain: It’s about a girl that totally loves a vampire, you guys, but she also has feelings for a werewolf, or some shit like that. I kid. It’s about a pigeon that wants to drive a bus, but you have to keep telling him no.
In the book, the pigeon repeatedly asks and begs to drive the bus. Then he whips out this doozy to try to convince you to let him drive the bus:
Oh no you didn’t, pigeon! You are talking about my mama! That’s it!