The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Why do all cereal mascots look like crazy drug addicts?


Yeah, so, I ventured into the cereal aisle at the grocery store, because I have a kid now and it’s the law.

I like cereal, too. I would eat cereal for every meal if it wouldn’t make me a huge fatty; however, since cereal would make me a huge fatty, I don’t go to that aisle very often. Every time I go down that aisle, it blows my mind. In fact, I wrote about the state of breakfast cereals before.

So anyway, the Spawn is all about Cheerios these days, so I must go into the cereal aisle to get Cheerios. We’re not letting him eat the sugary stuff, because he’s just a baby. But, to tell you the truth, I don’t know if I want The Boy ever eating that stuff. Have you looked at the boxes? Every cereal mascot looks like an insane crack addict; like this cereal is the good shit. Seriously, look at them.

All of them look like addicts. Tell me that the Apple on Apple Orbits box wouldn’t suck your dick for $3 to buy more of that cereal. And look at that crazy look in Captain Crunch’s eyes. I have no doubt that Captain Crunch has shown up at his mama’s house pulled a Samuel L. Jackson in “Jungle Fever.”

I think we’ll stick with Cheerios in this house just to be safe.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

2 thoughts on “Why do all cereal mascots look like crazy drug addicts?

  1. Aaaahahaha oh shit, you’re right! That’s creepy. And that’s exactly how your kid would look if you let him eat it, probs.

    We’re sticking strictly to go-go juice in this house.

  2. Cherrios are good…but personally I’m pro “Life”…oh crap I just got political.

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