Yeah, so, an open letter to the spiders in my house:
Don’t. Just don’t.
Seriously, don’t come in here. All spider trespassers will be killed on site. Don’t believe me? Check out the corpse of your friends in our bathroom trash can. Go ahead. I’ll wait … Yep, it’s like a spider graveyard in there.
I want you to know that I laughed out loud and did a little happy dance when Charlotte died at the end of “Charlotte’s Web.” [Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert.]
And to the spider that bit my back leaving a huge, nasty, itchy welt, I’m going to kill you the most. While you are dying, I will tell you that I will kill all of your family, so your seed is wiped off the earth forever.
What I’m trying to say is this: Your kind is not welcome in our house. We only allow two kinds of spiders in this house.
The Sonia Show