The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Consider yourself warned, spiders

5 Comments

Yeah, so, an open letter to the spiders in my house:

Dear Spiders,

Don’t. Just don’t.

Seriously, don’t come in here. All spider trespassers will be killed on site. Don’t believe me? Check out the corpse of your friends in our bathroom trash can. Go ahead. I’ll wait … Yep, it’s like a spider graveyard in there.

I want you to know that I laughed out loud and did a little happy dance when Charlotte died at the end of “Charlotte’s Web.” [Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert.]

And to the spider that bit my back leaving a huge, nasty, itchy welt, I’m going to kill you the most. While you are dying, I will tell you that I will kill all of your family, so your seed is wiped off the earth forever.

What I’m trying to say is this: Your kind is not welcome in our house. We only allow two kinds of spiders in this house.

This.

And this.

Sincerely,
The Sonia Show

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

5 thoughts on “Consider yourself warned, spiders

  1. You monster! To this day I can’t watch Charlotte’s Web.

  2. I hope the one that bit your back also did not plant any eggs.

  3. Pingback: Stop bugging me, spiders | The Sonia Show

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