The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

The faux vegetarian


Yeah, so, I’m not a vegetarian anymore.

I was for a little while, but even then, I wasn’t very hardcore. I still ate seafood, and I couldn’t resist fried chicken. But still, I tried.

Then we went to Paris. I didn’t want to eat vegetarian in Paris. I felt like I’d be missing out. That’s a lie. I just didn’t want to learn to say “Is there meat in this?” in French, because I’m a lazy American asshole. I figured I’d get back to being a vegetarian when we got home. But then I came home pregnant.

When I was knocked up and so many different kinds of food made me nauseous, but meat wasn’t one of them. I jumped off the vegetarian bandwagon, and I haven’t bothered to get back on.

Sometimes I think I will get back to being a vegetarian, but then David tells me about some restaurant that he heard serves amazing fried chicken, and I put on my jacket and run out the front door.

I’m not proud of being a meat eater. I feel like a little ashamed that I failed at being a vegetarian, and my shame was on full display at work today.

I’ve been at my job for more than three years, and every once in a while my office will have a free lunch for its employees. Every dish has meat in it. No joke. Every dish. I’m pretty sure there was meat in a birthday cake once. At the annual holiday party, we have a carving station. Sorry, vegetarians. I hope you like appetizers.

I would always complain, “Can you please order something vegetarian? Some people don’t eat meat.” I like to think I wasn’t a bitch about it, but it’s kinda ridiculous that every single dish has meat in it. I wasn’t alone. There were a few people in the office who were vegetarians, and we’d get a bag of chips and soda or something. Lame.

So anyway, for years, vegetarians were denied. Then something amazing happened. My coworker who was in charge of ordering food for a company-wide meeting came to me and said, “I’m ordering sandwiches. What veggie sandwiches would you like?”

I couldn’t believe it! After more than three years of me bitching, they were finally admitting that some people don’t eat meat. They were going to order vegetarian sandwiches.

This is a huge step forward for vegetarian civil rights in this office, so — of course — I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I eat meat now. I pretended to be a vegetarian. I happily ordered an egg salad sandwich for myself, and the other vegetarians in the office got their sandwiches, too.

I like to think this is a baby step toward getting back on the vegetarian bandwagon.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/podcaster/mother/goober in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, go on adventures with my mighty, mighty good man David and my awesome autistic son, Calvin, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

2 thoughts on “The faux vegetarian

  1. Actually, since getting knocked up, I’ve basically become a vegetarian, which I haven’t been since the mandated teen-angst monthlong experiment with vegetarianism. In my first trimester I was so sick that basically all food grossed me out, but even now that I’m feeling better, meat totally skeeves me out. I can occasionally manage a few bites of chicken if forced, but blergh. So you can just take my meat-eating spot without guilt.

  2. My sister had the same reaction when she was pregnant. The very thought of meat made her want to throw up. I was the opposite. All the veggies I normally loved to eat sounded so gross to me.

    I’m so glad that you are feeling better! Baby poisoning is the worst. It’s like being hung over, but you didn’t get to have the fun of drinking. Unfair!

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