Yeah, so, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors just passed a ordinance banning public nudity.
I’m confused. I thought it was already illegal to be naked in public, but apparently that is not the case.
Dammit! And to think, all this time I could have been walking around naked in public! I’m so sorry, everyone. I denied you an opportunity to stare longingly at my surgery scars, covet my cellulite and have a good laugh at my unfortunate tan lines. I could have been completely naked except for a little kicky beret. Adorable!
What a missed opportunity.
So, yeah, there’s a lot of people freaking out about this. Some folks are saying this is part of the Disney-ification of San Francisco – making it all clean and family friendly. I think that’s a bullshit argument. Have you been to the Tenderloin? There’s nothing clean and family friendly in that hood. I figure this is just another random city ordinance that no one is going to enforce like drugs and panhandling, so I don’t know why everyone is freaking out.
Of course, this ordinance is really about the naked guys in the Castro. We’ve all seen them. Honestly, they don’t even phase me anymore. I just make a mental note not to sit on the bench where they were sitting. I could care less if they are naked. Even if I was in the Castro with the Spawn, and there was a naked guy, I wouldn’t cover Calvin’s eyes and run away. I’d probably say, “Oh look, naked guy,” and we’d go about our business.
The truth is I don’t understand the naked guys. I don’t get it. Can someone explain it to me? I wouldn’t walk around in San Francisco barefoot, let alone sit my naked ass on a public bench. Gross. Have you seen the public? Ewww.