Yeah, so, I’m not really into Easter.
I mean, I haven’t been into Easter since I was a little kid. Obviously, when I was kid I was all about coloring eggs and chocolate bunnies. I’m not made of stone, people. But, as an adult with no kids … Easter, meh. It was just an excuse to go to brunch — like I needed an excuse for mid-morning/afternoon drinking.
Of course, now I have a Spawn, but my mom still needed to remind me that Easter was a thing.
Mom: “Does Calvin have an Easter basket?”
Me: “Umm, it’s Easter?”
Mom: “On Sunday it is. You’re a mom now. You need to think about these things.”
Me: “Holy shit! You’re right. I will get him a basket.”
Then my mom made arrangements for us to crash my aunt and uncle’s Easter brunch (mimosas!), which gave Calvin the opportunity to hunt for eggs with his cousins and second cousins. Thanks, Mom, for being a really good Grandma.
So, as you might remember, The Boy is allergic to eggs. He could probably pick up eggs and be fine as long as he didn’t eat them, but I figured that I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s Easter with a reenactment of the epi-pen scene from “Pulp Fiction” followed by a trip to the emergency room so I bought him some plastic eggs. At first, I wasn’t sure what to put in the plastic eggs. He doesn’t really eat candy. He’s only 18 months old. Then I came up with the brilliant idea of cheddar bunnies. The Boy loves cheddar bunnies. Problem solved.
By the way, The Boy never touched his Easter basket. He picked the little stuffed duckling out of it and gave it a kiss. And when it came time to hunt for eggs, he picked up an egg in each hand and was like, “I’m good” and walked off. He was done for the day.
At my aunt and uncle’s house, I went outside to help my uncle hide eggs for the kids. (Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert! There’s no Easter bunny.) I was throwing eggs all over the place when my uncle said, “This is a trip. I remember hiding eggs for you. Now you were out here hiding eggs with me for your kid.” Aww, special moment. Then he said, “Sonia, you were cuter than all these kids put together.” What a nice man. He’s very nice, but a huge liar. See?
Even back in the day, I was a total goober.