Yeah, so, mighty, mighty good man David has a few jobs around the house. Well, he does a lot of things, but there are two main jobs that are absolutely his thing: He takes out the trash, and he kills the spiders.
I was forced to kill a spider myself this week, because he was traveling for work. This is a big deal, because I am horribly afraid of spiders. Seriously, I don’t even want them looking at me.
The spider was in the bathtub. Of course, I didn’t want to get too close to it because then it will instantly increase in size and bite me (duh), so I threw a shoe at it from the bathroom door. It only took me two tries to hit it. With accuracy like that, I could probably get a starting spot in the San Francisco Giants pitching rotation.
I know some of you will be outraged that I killed a spider and possibly notify PETA. I do not like killing spiders. I don’t like killing anything except a bottle of red wine. In my defense, IT WAS A SPIDER, AND IT WAS IN MY HOUSE! Spiders and I have a deal. If you stay outside, we’re cool. If you come inside my house, you go squish now.
Oh, and I would like to
throw under the bus mention that my sister Michelle was hanging out Wednesday night, and she also killed a spider that was in my tub. That’s two spiders in a week hanging out in my bathtub.
So, you guys, why are spiders hanging out in my bathtub?! You’d think that’s the last place they’d want to hang out seeing as how they are not known for their swimming abilities. Are they dirty? Do they want to take a bath? I’m afraid that one day I will walk into my bathroom and there will be a spider chilling in a bubble bath in the tub, maybe there will be some lit candles and a glass of wine. It will shriek when I come in and hold up a towel to cover its naughty bits: “Do you mind?!”