Yeah, so, I swear.
I have a potty mouth. I use foul language. I’m inappropriate. I say naughty words. I curse.
I swear a lot. I swear so often I don’t really think about it. I don’t mean to be rude or crass, and I’m certainly not looking to offend people when I swear. I just do it. I think, subconsciously, I know when not to swear. I’m not saying “fuck that” and “that’s bullshit” in the office, even when I want to. I don’t write marketing copy for work that says, “Buy our business cards, because our sale ends soon, fuckface.” So, clearly, I know when it’s not appropriate. But I still swear when I probably shouldn’t.
Now that the Spawn is listening and starting to repeat things we say, I probably should be more careful. I mean, I’m not saying, “Here’s your sippy cup, asshole” or anything like that. But I might drop something in the kitchen and say, “Fuuuuck!” while he is standing there. I’ll say things like “Look at that fuckin’ asshole taking up two parking spots,” while the Spawn is in the car with me.
When my niece Lorelei was a toddler, my sister very politely suggested that I clean up my dirty mouth around her kid. I wasn’t very good about it, and eventually Michelle gave up. My Mom brought up my using foul language around Lorelei at Thanksgiving dinner one year.
Mom: “I don’t think Sonia even tries to watch her mouth around the baby.”
Me: “That’s fucked up bullshit, Mom.”
I think it’s silly that there are some words that we can’t say because they are “naughty.” The n-word? I get it. That’s not a word you can say. It’s got history, a hurtful, awful history. That makes sense to me. [Side note: What’s up with white people complaining that black people can say the n-word, but white people can’t? Dear white people, black people can say the n-word and we can’t. Get over it. Maybe you should look deep into your heart and examine why you feel the need to say that word so bad. Love, Sonia]. But the idea that “fuck” or “shit” is something you’re not supposed to say – that a long time ago someone deemed these words to be forbidden – seems strange, if you really think about it.
As usual, the great prophet and one of my heroes George Carlin sums it up best.
I could defend my theory that they are just words, and fuck it, I’ll say them whenever I want and so will my kid. But then people would look at me like I’m a fuckin’ asshole … even more so than usual. And worse, they will look at my Spawn like he’s an awful kid, and that I just can’t have.
Mighty, mighty good man David doesn’t really swear. He didn’t really swear before we had a kid. He says like “gee whiz” and “jiminy christmas.” It’s adorable. The other morning he said “shit” in front of The Boy, and then he said, “Oops. I pulled a ‘mama.'”
Swearing in front of kids is now referred to as “pulling a mama.” I don’t know whether to think that’s horrible or awesome.