Yeah, so, I never thought I would say this but … I kinda miss Paris Hilton.
Remember Paris Hilton? Is Paris Hilton still a thing? She used to be in every magazine and on every gossip site. I used to write the daily celebrity gossip column for The Examiner back in 2005-2007, that was Paris Hilton’s heyday. Every day I would turn on the computer and say, “Let’s see what stupid shit Paris Hilton did today.” She made my job so easy.
Now, all the gossip blogs now are filled with Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan. They’re just not as fun to make fun of. They are clearly addicts and mental cases in need of serious help. Paris Hilton was just an ignorant, STD-ridden, rich bitch, who made a sex tape, and somehow that made her famous. Then she thought since she was famous she was going to be a movie star. Ha ha. No. Then she thought she was going to be a recording artist and DJ. That was hilarious. She also slapped her name on all these perfumes, because who doesn’t want to smell like a ignorant, STD-ridden, rich bitch, who made a sex tape?
Remember when Paris Hilton went to jail for like five days and the world went fuckin’ nuts? Oh man, those were the days, am I right? Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan are begging to go to jail, but they are such sad screwups they can’t even do that right.
Of course, there are still the Kardashians. They are fun to mock, because they are ignorant, STD-ridden, rich bitches, who are famous because one of them made a sex tape. I wrote about the Kardashians before. I got a lot of angry comments from people claiming that I was just jealous. Yes, it’s true. I’m super jealous. I wish I had made a sex tape that “somehow” got leaked to the public, so my mom could then whore me and my siblings out to the highest bidder. Darn. That could be me having Kanye West’s baby. And here I am living a happy, fulfilling life with the man of my dreams and adorable spawn. I’mwasting my life! I BLEW IT! Seriously, you guys, the Kardashians are role models for all young women. Make a sex tape, ladies, and you too could end up with a horrible, soul-sucking reality show and an unpopular clothing line at Sears.
So anyway, let me bring this back to Paris Hilton. She seemed like the worst thing ever back in the day. She was held up as an example of everything that was wrong with entertainment and pop culture, but now she seems so tame by comparison.