Yeah, so, one of the things that cracks me up about working in an office is the self performance review.
Does your office do that? I was never asked to do a self performance review at any of my other jobs.
“So, let me get this straight: You want me to review my own work performance, and you are going to use it when deciding my pay raise? Interesting …”
Obviously, I put down that I’m awesome at everything. Duh. Like I’m really going to put something negative: “I steal Equal packets from the kitchen and take long lunches.”
I’ve also been asked to weigh in on my coworkers’ performance reviews. “What should Paul stop doing?” “He should stop being so awesome. He’s making us all look bad.” “What should Susan start doing?” “She should start going out to lunch. She hangs around the microwave when I’m warming up my lunch. I’m running out of small talk topics, and it’s awkward.”
As you can see I’m not too worried about losing my job. Every office is required by state law to have at least one wacky redhead who wears cute dresses and says funny things. The law was passed in the ’90s, and it’s called the “Suddenly Susan/NewsRadio Law.” I’m a protected class, you guys.