The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

The week in review: iPhones, football and luggage

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Yeah, so, I took a teeny, tiny blog break, but I’m back. So, let’s just do a little week in review…

I’m an iPhone person now.

I know. I know. Don’t judge me.

All of my smartphones had been Android phones. I had a Samsung Galaxy S2, but it was a piece of shit with a slow camera, had no cell signal and battery life that lasted as long as it took me to eat a burrito at my desk (so about two minutes). I put up with that lemon for two years, because I’m stupid, lazy and cheap. Finally, I upgraded to a LG G2 last week, which had a great battery life, but it had a power button that only liked to work sometimes. I know the feeling, Power Button. I only want to work sometimes, too, but I need you to work all the time. So, I ditched it for a white iPhone 5C. I didn’t get one in a bright color, because I’m not a teenage girl. Also, the store only had white ones. Racists.

I’m not an Apple person. I use a PC, and I have a Kindle Fire. My iPhone is like the Winchester Mystery House to me. It has settings for things I don’t understand and random boxes that need to check or unchecked for some things to work or not. So, for almost week I have been pestering mighty, mighty good man David. “How do I [insert stupid question here]?” That poor man. Being married to me is so awesome.

I will spare you the long story about how, in the process of searching for the perfect phone, we had to break up with one phone company because they were assholes and switched to another one. Let me just say, all these phone plans are pretty much the same, and what makes them stand apart is customer service. So when your customer service sucks, it’s not a big deal to leave. So, yeah, fuck you, Sprint.

So anyway, let’s talk about something else … You know I’m a baseball person, right? Football ain’t my thing, but I do like it when our local teams win. David is a casual football fan, meaning he is aware of it, but doesn’t watch it very often. He roots for the home team, which in this case is the 49ers, but his real team is the Seahawks. I know. Eww. David is a mighty, mighty good man, but nobody’s perfect. He’s pretty cute in his gear, though. See?

 seahawksfan

Speaking of cute, we took The Boy to the playground last week so he could run around and get tired. At one point, he was playing in the sandbox, having a good ol’ time.  Then he fled the sandbox for the play structure and slides. He was roaming all around the playground. Finally, I caught up with him, and I gave him a little hug.

“Hey buddy. Oh. You’ve got a little sand on your back. Oh wait … You’ve got a little sand in your diaper. Oh wait! You filled your diaper with sand. Why did you fill your diaper with sand, buddy?”

I could hear some other parents laughing, and they were right to laugh. I was laughing, too. I also laugh when their kids fall down, so I have it coming.

It was like The Boy had pulled his diaper out and scooped the sand in, which he might have done. Why would he do that? It couldn’t comfortable, yet he was running around the playground like he didn’t have a diaper full of sand. Weirdo.

sandmonster

So, next month is my five-year anniversary at my job. Ha ha! Those suckers. For my anniversary, I got to pick out my own gift, because apparently working for this company is like being married to a clueless man. “Just buy yourself something pretty.”

My choices were ugly necklaces (really?), watches (old timey!), a boom box (I’m not joking) and some tool sets. Tools for the tools, huh? I picked the luggage. I figure I could keep it under my desk so when they lay me off I’ll be ready to go.

luggage

I kid! A lot has happened to me since I started working in the cube five years ago. I got breast cancer, and this place gave me a ton of time off when it didn’t have to, and continued to pay me and let me go into vacation-time debt. I got married, and the office chipped in and bought me a gift. They tried to throw me a surprise party, but unfortunately my boss cc’d me on the email. The company let me go even further into vacation debt so I could go on my honeymoon. They tolerated my nonstop eating during my pregnancy, and people covered for me while I was out on maternity leave. Plus, I met my office buddies Jennifer and Paul. Oh, and let’s not forget the office busybody, who has given me tons of blog material. What else can I ask for?

I might complain sometimes about my job, but that’s only because it’s a job, and work is stupid. There are some good people here, and I feel pretty lucky.

Speaking of jobs, did you guys find David a job yet? Seriously, you guys, get busy and find my man a new job.

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Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

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