Yeah, so, the World Series starts today.
My team, the San Francisco Giants, is playing the Kansas City Royals. The Royals are a perfectly fine team that now must be destroyed. On the surface, the Royals are a tough team to hate. They haven’t won a championship in 29 years. If they were playing the Dodgers or the Cardinals in the World Series, I would probably root for them. But they’re not. They’re playing my team, so … you suck, Royals.
Let’s dig a little deeper and feed our anger, shall we? Kansas City, Missouri is home to the headquarters of Applebee’s. Did you know that? Applebee’s … BOOOOOOO! Also, the 1983 TV movie “The Day After” was filmed in Kansas City. That movie scared the shit out of my younger sister. She didn’t sleep for a week. Screw you, Kansas City! Don’t you just hate Wal-Mart? Sure, we all do. Well, the Royals are owned by the former president and CEO of Wal-Mart, and he’s a terrible person. True story. You can go to hell, Royals!
So, yeah, in 2010, mighty, mighty good man David and I went to the World Series, and it was awesome. In 2012, we watched the games at home, because instead of spending our money on super-cool fun stuff like World Series tickets we decided to have a baby. Wah wah. This year, I’m not 100 percent that we’re not going to go to the World Series. We are casually entertaining the idea, and we will be browsing Stubhub all week while debating it. Our debate will most likely end with us not going because World Series tickets are really expensive, and World Series tickets plus a babysitter are really, really expensive.
I’m fine with that. I just want to watch my team win the World Series. I don’t mind watching it from the comfort of my own home. It’s nice here. I have a perfectly formed groove in the couch after years of watching TV, and we have tasty beer here. I’m going to make ballpark food for dinner all week long: Nachos with super-processed cheese, peanuts, hot dogs and sundaes.
So anyway, stay tuned to my Twitter for all kinds of assy World Series related tweets and my Instagram for all kinds of photos of fancy beer that I will be drinking during the games. Also, I will post photos of me looking like this:
But I will really look like this: