The Sonia Show

Writer. Mocker. Beer drinker. Old movie watcher. Mother. Goober.

Port Authority


Yeah, so, my chemotherapy starts on Friday, so I’m trying my best to get organized. And by “organized” I mean I went to Target and spent almost $300, buying every single drug for every single possible side effect.

My anxiety is showing, right?

On Monday, I got my fancy, new port. I’m sorry if the picture isn’t gruesome enough for you. The incisions are still bandaged. I’ll post another photo with the bandages off next week, I promise. I don’t want to disappointment the weirdos that want to see that sort of thing.


I’m thinking about naming the port. Maybe something like Porty McPortenstein? Or perhaps Shecky?

The procedure for installing the port was kinda weird. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I guess I envisioned it to be something similar to a dentist appointment – like they would numb me up, put in a port and then give me a lecture about flossing.

Turns out it’s more an outpatient surgical procedure that was a little more involved than that. I had to get into the awkward hospital gown and get an IV. They didn’t put me under anesthesia, instead it was “conscious sedation,” meaning I was really doped up, but kinda awake for the procedure. Very trippy. I could hear the doctor and the nurses talking about cycling. Boring. They probably didn’t need to give me drugs. They could have just had me lay down on the table and start talking about cycling, and I would have drifted right off. Other things they could talk about that would knock me out:

  • Crossfit
  • Hunting
  • Any Kardashian
  • Any “Real Housewives” show

The next day I had to go to Kaiser to get the port “flushed.” (Eww) When arrived at Kaiser, there was a small fire and the building was evacuated.



People were calm, but there was a lot of confusion about when we could go back in and when we were allowed to get on the elevators, etc. Eventually, people filed back in, and I was kinda surprised how orderly everyone was. I guess because we’re all sick and injured, we’re too tired to be dicks.

When I finally made it to my appointment, I was ushered into the infusion center, which is where I’ll be doing my chemotherapy. I hadn’t seen the room yet. It was open and sunny with a view of San Francisco. There were several people getting their treatments. The patients and their guests were quietly reading. One man and his daughter were having breakfast while he was receiving his treatment. It went a long way toward easing my anxiety. Everyone seemed so calm and peaceful. It wasn’t a room full of people vomiting, crying and screaming, which isn’t really what I thought it would be, but my mind has a way of working me up into an illogical frenzy.

Other things that are happening, we’re drinking all kinds of fancy beer here. Check out my Untappd for a complete rundown, but my current favorite is the barrel-aged Narwhal Stout from Sierra Nevada Brewing. Amazing.


Speaking of beer, we finally watched all three “Maltese Falcon” movies, so check out Old Movies, New Beer for a new podcast soon.


Author: The Sonia Show

I'm a writer/mocker/goober/mother in San Francisco who likes to drink beer, shop, laugh and make other people laugh, podcast, watch old movies, feed my unhealthy obsession with pop culture, kick breast cancer's ass, wear orange and root for the San Francisco Giants, participate in general jackass-ery, talk about TV, eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, make nerdy “Star Wars” and “Simpsons” references, and post personal things about myself on the web for all to read, which makes me some sort of literary exhibitionist.

3 thoughts on “Port Authority

  1. I love that you have a sense of humor about everything. It will help so much in your healing process :)) keep up the great smile!!!

  2. You brighten the port authority, you know. There are others you cannot know whose fear is abated when they see you there. When next I get North, let’s meet and hold hands like we’re old, old friends. And perhaps I can break something and hide the pieces with Calvin.

  3. Pingback: Everything you wanted to know about chemo but were afraid to ask | The Sonia Show

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