Yeah, so, if my hair had a theme song, it would be “I’m Coming Out.”
I’m shedding a lot of hair. A LOT. I thought I was emotionally prepared for it. I knew this day would come. I bought a few wigs and tried to mentally prepare myself. I knew it would be difficult. But I had no idea how emotionally draining it would be to shed my hair. I don’t wear my hair super long, but I have a lot of it – and it’s coming out in clumps. Any time I touch my hair, some hair falls out. I leave a trail of hair behind me wherever I go. It’s in the shower drain, on my pillow, on the couch, on my clothes. Everywhere.
I’m not going to lie. It’s depressing. I shed a few tears about it.
I’ve invested a lot in my hair throughout the years: financially and emotionally. I’ve spent money to get it cut and colored the exact red I love, but more than that my red hair is a part of my personality. I felt like losing my red hair was like losing a part of myself.
It’s silly feeling. It’s only hair, right? You’d think that after dealing with nausea and neutropenic fever due to chemotherapy that losing hair wouldn’t be that big of a deal. And, well, logically, I can yes, it’s not that big of a deal. Emotionally, that’s another matter. It’s tough. With my hair, no one knows I’m doing chemo. Without my hair, everyone will know.
Hair matters. But my hair is not the source of my personality. It turns out my personality was in here all along. *points to heart*
So, I shaved it off.
I was going to get a cute, little pixie cut and transition into my wigs, but I was just so over losing my hair. My scalp hurt, and I didn’t want to do it anymore. So, my sister met me at the salon, and my stylist shaved my head. And you know what? I didn’t cry. In fact, it felt good. My scalp doesn’t ache anymore. It felt like the right thing to do.
Getting ready to go out just got a whole lot easier. Lipstick, wig: Ready!
It’s super weird to not have hair anymore. I just have this peach fuzz. It’s light brown and gray. I look like an aging leopard. I’m not ready to post the post-shaving photos. Maybe I will be ready at some point, but I just can’t do it yet. I know I share everything with you guys, but you’ll just have to be a little patient with me on this.
In the meantime, how about some photos of me in my wigs? That will be fun, right?
This wig is my current fave. It’s a little longer than I usually wear my hair – a longer a-line bob. I really love it. It’s more of a copper red than red red, which is nice change. Also, it’s got a really dark brown layer underneath. I’m quite smitten with this wig. The wig came with a name. Apparently, all wigs come with names, which is totally not weird, you guys. So, this wig is Hailey by Noriko. I love it so much I bought a second one in more of a burgundy red.
And because I’ve turned into a wig-buying fool. I also bought this one: Jolie in Chestnut. It’s pretty cute, too – a shorter bob with side-swept bangs.
Hailey is like “Let’s grab drinks, get some fancy dinner and then make out in the car before going upstairs to relieve the babysitter,” while Jolie is more “I started the laundry and now I’m going the grocery store.” I imagine Jolie is the wig I would wear when going to doctor appointments or taking The Kid to the playground.
Speaking of The Kid, I thought he might kinda freak out seeing me in wigs, but he doesn’t care at all. Yesterday, he kinda gave it a second look and then was like, “Whatever, lady. Can you put on ‘Curious George’ for me?” I’m still mommy no matter what my hair (or lack thereof) looks like.