Yeah, so, in my ongoing quest to revisit all the “Star Wars” movies I watched “Attack of the Clones.”
Out of the three prequels, “Attack of the Clones” is the one I remember liking the least when I saw it in theater. I saw it only one time and never watched it again until today. I remember being incredibly bored. That’s pretty much how I felt this time, too.
After watching “Phantom Menace” yesterday, I tried to remember anything about “Attack of the Clones,” and I really couldn’t remember one exciting sequence. All I could remember about it is that Anakin and Padme hook up in it, and that never quite worked for me.
While watching”Attack of the Clones,” I wrote down all my thoughts into this handy list.
- Why can’t Yoda tell that Palpatine is Darth Sidious? Maybe that is explained in “Revenge of the Sith” and I don’t remember.
- “I hate it when he does that.” Ugh, the banter between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi in the opening action sequence is dreadful.
- I like Ewan McGregor. Even with a beard, he’s dreamy.
- Anakin went from a sweet young boy in “Phantom Menace” to a whiny jerk in “Attack of the Clones,” stomping his feet and shouting “It’s not fair” throughout the movie.
- Why does Padme fall in love with him? Anakin seems like a creep who comes on too strong. Plus, she’s maybe 28 or 29, and he’s 18 or 19. So there’s an age difference, and he’s a bit creepy: What a catch, Padme! You know, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, they probably had JDate, but the J stands for Jedi. She probably could have met a nice Jedi who doesn’t try to murder their grown children. Maybe Padme is into Anakin because she’s in her 20s and we all make bad romantic decisions in our 20s. Luckily for us, our poor romantic choices don’t lead to the destruction of entire planets.
- Anakin and Padme literally roll around in a field of flowers together. Ewww.
- Padme finally decides to be with Anakin after he slaughters a village of Tusken Raiders that killed his mom. Ewww again.
- Also, why does Anakin wait 10 years to go back for his mother? That seems like an awful long time to let your mom be a slave.
- Padme’s conveniently ripped shirt in the fight sequence.
- I did like seeing all the jedis fighting in the big battle against the droids, and I like the duel between Count Dooku and Yoda. Mighty, mighty good man David hates the fight sequence between Dooku and Yoda. He would prefer Yoda use his mind over a lightsaber to fight, but I still enjoyed seeing Yoda in action.
- Sure. Why shouldn’t we get to meet Boba Fett as a kid? [sigh] It’s fun to take the mystery out of interesting characters from the original trilogy. I mean, why just ruin Darth Vader when we can ruin Boba Fett, too, right?
- Hey, at least there’s barely any Jar Jar Binks in “Attack of the Clones.” That’s pretty cool.
There is no sense of fun in “Attack of the Clones.” Say what you will about “Phantom Menace,” but at least it had a fun pod race. “Attack of the Clones” is very serious, and when it’s not being serious, it’s serving as a lame, awkward love story.
Up next: “Revenge of the Sith.”