Yeah, so, it’s time to finish this.
Throughout my chemotherapy recovery I’ve been revisiting all the “Star Wars” movies. You can read my random thoughts about “Phantom Menace,” “Attack of the Clones,” “Revenge of the Sith,” “Star Wars” and “The Empire Strikes Back.” Now, with chemo almost finished (yay!), it’s time to wrap up my little project with “Return of the Jedi.”
I first saw “Return of the Jedi” when I was 12. I loved it, because I was 12. I thought the ewoks were adorable. Years later, I watched “Return of the Jedi” again, and my feelings changed a bit. I thought the ewoks were kinda annoying, and I didn’t like the lame way they killed off Boba Fett. It’s definitely a flawed movie, but it’s still very entertaining. It is my least favorite of the original three movies, but my esteem for it grew after being so disappointed by the prequels.
I haven’t watched the “Return of the Jedi” Special Edition since I saw it in the theater, but I remember really not liking the added effects and scenes. They were distracting and unnecessary. And, like everyone else, I really hate that George Lucas added Hayden Christensen’s ghost at the end, but more on that later.
Let’s get started. Here’s my random thoughts while watching “Return of the Jedi.”
- Here’s my impression of me walking into Jabba’s Palace: “Oh, there’s live music tonight.” *leaves Jabba’s Palace*
- The added musical number in Jabba’s Palace is complete garbage. I think we can all agree on that. It’s really terrible. I would say I hate it as much as “Han shot first” from “Star Wars,” but at least this additional scene doesn’t alter anyone’s character arc. However, it’s just awful.
- The gang’s plan to rescue Han has a lot of holes in it. What if Jabba just dropped Chewbacca down into that hole to fight the creature instead of putting him in a cage? What if R2D2 wasn’t placed on the barge? What if they just scrapped him? I guess Luke’s light saber would have been scrapped, too? What if Leia was able to walk right out of Jabba’s Palace after freeing Han from the carbonite? Would they then have to come up with a new plan to save Chewbacca and the droids?
- Yes, I own a Slave Leia costume. It’s none of your business if I have worn it for my husband.
- The added effects to the Sarlacc Pit are ridiculous. Is that Audrey 2 from “Little Shop of Horrors”?
- I was so sad when Yoda died. I’m not made of stone, people.
- Yoda and Obi Wan really could have helped Luke out by telling him the truth from the beginning. “Hey, Darth Vader is your father, and Leia is your sister, so stop making out with her.”
- “Keep your distance, but don’t look like you’re keeping your distance. [Chewbacca roars] I don’t know. Fly casual.” LOL.
- The speeder bike race is still awesome and exciting.
- Why does Leia change clothes in the Ewok village? Was she just planning on living there? “Oh well. I got separated from my team. I guess this is my new life now.”
- “Great, Chewy. Always thinking with your stomach.” Umm, that’s the first time I’ve seen Chewbacca think with his stomach, so I think “always” is overstating it just a bit.
- “Hey! Point that thing someplace else.” That’s what she said.
- Ain’t no party like an ewok party, because at an ewok party, we will maybe eat your friends.
- I kinda love the scene in which C3PO recounts their adventures to the ewoks.
- When Leia is sharing her memories of her mother with Luke, who is she remembering? We know that her mother died in childbirth (thank you, not-good prequels). Her adopted mother, perhaps?
- The first meeting between the Emperor and Luke: The Emperor is so confident. I guess going to the Dark Side makes you a real asshole, huh?
- It’s a trap!
- I don’t like it when ewoks die. It bums me out. I realize that countless pilots and soldiers have been killed throughout these movies, and entire planet destroyed, but ewoks are so cute and fuzzy. I’m not a monster, you guys.
- Chewbacca doing the Tarzan jungle call while swinging with ewoks on to an Imperial walker is stupid as hell. Is Tarzan a thing a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away?
- The added “NOOOOOOO” as Darth Vader destroys the Emperor is laughably unnecessary. This is another one of those added things that George Lucas thinks we need to tie all the movies together. We don’t.
- Throughout the movie, Han Solo has no idea that Darth Vader is his girlfriend’s father. Just saying.
- I’m fine with the added scenes of everyone celebrating the end of the Empire throughout the galaxy. However, I don’t dig the weird spa-like, new agey music over the “yub yub” song from the original “Return of the Jedi.”
- And, why is Anakin’s ghost the young Anakin again? Obi Wan is old. Yoda is old. Shouldn’t Anakin be old? I mean, he was old when he died, so that makes sense. Does Lucas think we’re idiots and we don’t get the connection unless he adds the young star of his prequels? We get it, asshole. We got it the first time back in 1983.