Yeah, so, I got my stitches out this week. Let the healing begin!
The incisions on the knockers will take a while to heal up, but so far I’m really pleased. It’s nice to have an even pair of knockers again. I haven’t had that in like five years. The incision where the port was is healing up nicely. It won’t be long before it’s not that noticeable anymore. See for yourself.
Honestly, scars are not that big of deal to me. Maybe because my scars have never been really awful. In 1997 I had my thyroid removed, and I had a scar right at the base of my neck. It looked like someone tried to cut my head off and got bored and quit. I was never self conscious about the scar. I looked at it like a conversion starter.
Someone: “What’s up with your neck?”
Me: “I got into a knife fight with someone who looked just like you.”
The port scar ain’t no thang. And, of course, only David will be seeing the scars on my boobs, unless some magazine wants to pay me millions for a nude photo spread. OK, it doesn’t have to be millions – enough for a down payment on a house is acceptable. It doesn’t even have to be a house in San Francisco. I’ll settle for Oakland. OK, fine, Concord. But that’s my final offer.
So anyway, if you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve been doing a lot of cooking lately. Pretty much since my mastectomy in January, I’ve been eating food prepared by others, including family, friends and delivery. When I’ve cooked it’s been really half-assed. “I warmed up soup for you guys.” “I steamed some broccoli. You’re welcome.”
Now that chemo is finished, and my energy level is back to normal, I really have no excuse for being a lazy asshole in the kitchen. (I have a ton of excuses for being a lazy asshole at work.) So I have decided to start trying to cook more often. Last week, I made vegan chili and corn bread, and it turned out really well, if I don’t say so myself. I didn’t take a photo of it, which means you probably think it didn’t happen, but I swear it happened.
I have several vegan cookbooks, but I have been very inspired by “Thug Kitchen” and “Thug Kitchen: Party Grub.” Spoiler alert! Thug Kitchen is vegan. I didn’t notice until a few weeks ago, because I’m a clueless jackass. I bought the books, and they are filled with great recipes. They make cooking sound easy and fun, and I guess that works on me. Also, swearing. I like swearing. That shit works for me.
I made deviled chickpea bites and tortilla soup based on their recipes, and they both turned out really tasty.
What I’m trying to say is, I’m practically a gourmet chef now, you guys. Soon, I will be more than a gourmet chef. I’ll be brand, and you will be forced to sign up for my monthly newsletter, GOOB, to hear about what I’m cooking, what beer I’m drinking, what I’m watching and what dresses I’m buying, and you will long for the good ol’ days of my WordPress blog.
In the meantime, enjoy this video of me dancing with a toy wiener dog in the aisle of a Kmart, but I’m fuckin’ classy as hell.