Yeah, so, let’s start this blog post with the ending: I had a biopsy, and the results came back negative.
OK, now, let’s go back to the beginning. Remember when I wrote about my panic attacks? Well, the thing that started making panic attacks a regular occurrence in my life was a spot on found on my back. It was removed and tested positive for abnormal cells. Remember that?
Well, last week I had to get a minor procedure in which they remove a little bit more of the skin around where that spot was. In other words, the doctor removed a chunk of my back and replaced it with about three inches of stitches. Now I have a Franken-back to go with my Franken-boobs.
Undergoing this kind of procedure is pretty minor compared to all the other surgeries I’ve had. It involved numbing my back and then they cut out a section. Still, I was kinda nervous, so I did my nervous talking thing that I always do, which the nurses and doctors seem to really enjoy. They always tell me how nice I am.
I ask how the day is going. I ask if they have any pets. I love to hear about people’s pets. The doctor was playing music during the procedure. I asked about that. It was the Counting Crows first album. Now I will never hear “Mr. Jones” again without thinking of the time I could smell my own skin burning when the doctor was cauterizing the skin before starting the stitches. Gross, right? I know … Counting Crows. Ugh.
Anyway, I like I said, I talk a lot during appointments because I’m so nervous, and the medical staff thinks it’s great. In fact, this time, when the nurse went to retrieve mighty, mighty good man David from the waiting room she told him, “Your wife has a wonderful disposition. She’s really nice.”
This makes me wonder — how awful are people being to nurses and doctors? I wouldn’t say I’m being overly nice. It’s not like I’m walking into these exam rooms and handing out cash and telling everyone how skinny they look. I’m just being nice, friendly and chatty. Are other people walking into these exam rooms and acting like such huge assholes that when someone is just friendly and polite the nurses and doctors think it’s amazing?
I mean, maybe my personality is so delightful that nurses and doctors can’t help but comment on it. (#humblebrag) But more likely, other patients are not so friendly that it makes even the most polite conversation seem above and beyond.
So my point is this: Keep up the good work, you guys. You are making me look awesome for doing the bare minimum, and that’s one of my favorite things.