Yeah, so, my mighty, mighty good boy Calvin caught a nasty cold.
The cold got progressively worse as the week went on, so by Thursday and Friday he had to stay home from school. He’s in good spirits, but I feel bad for him. He’s feeling cooped up, and in between playing and lining up his cars and buses, he’s been watching some uninspiring movies and TV shows.
Every once in a while Google Play offers a free movie. Earlier this year it was a movie called “Bunyan & Babe,” an animated movie about Paul Bunyan and his big blue ox. It’s not very good. It’s boring with very video-gamey animation.
“Bunyan & Babe” is one of those kids movies where the bad guy wants to destroy a farm or a town to pave the way for some big project that will make him a lot of money. I suspect most kids cannot relate to that and don’t give a shit. Although I bet Trump’s kids would watch it and think the property developer is the good guy who’s just misunderstood.
So anyway, now Google Play has kicked us “A Stork’s Journey,” which is about a sparrow raised by storks. It’s also got a gay parakeet that sings “I’m Coming Out” over and over, and a goth owl voiced by Jane Lynch.
The animation looks better than “Bunyan & Babe,” but it’s not a very good movie either. A stork family adopts this orphaned sparrow, but then ditches him, and he spends the entire movie trying to find them. WTF?! The storks are terrible people.
Oh, and in order to be accepted by the father stork who raised him the sparrow has to save another stork’s life. It’s kinda like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” It’s not about people acknowledging how prejudice their way of thinking is and making it right. It’s more about the outcast proving to be useful in some way, so he/she is worthy of being accepted.
I’m pretty sure I know why these movies are free from Google Play.
Calvin has also been watching a TV show on Netflix titled “Tayo the Little Bus,” which is basically a South Korean “Chuggington,” but with buses instead of trains. Of course, “Chugginton” is just a ripoff of “Thomas the Tank Engine.” It’s the same shit. Here’s the plot of every episode: Bus or train character doesn’t listen to instructions, which results in confusion and delay. Oh sorry. Spoiler alert!
I really love it when Calvin watches “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse,” because I like watching it, too.
In other news, we have ditched overpriced Xfinity-Comcast and got a Roku. We love it so far. We can watch our local baseball teams through Sony Vue. Plus, we got the FilmStruck app, which has a TON of old movies and the Criterion Collection, so we’re stoked.
And speaking of old movies, we have a new episode of Old Movies, New Beer up for your listening pleasure. Inspired by “The Mummy,” starring Tom Cruise, we decided to watch the originals from 1932 and 1959.
We’re drinking Bravo, an aged imperial brown ale with a really high alcohol content, so you can listening to me get drunk and bash the Tom Cruise movie when I should be talking about the old movies.