The Sonia Show

Writer. Podcaster. Beer drinker. Movie watcher. Mother. Goober.


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Party of one

Yeah, so, I go to the movies all the time by myself. I’ve decided to expand that into other things. I’ve been going out by myself and treating myself to fancy dinners. Last month I saw “Hadestown” at the Orpheum.

Since I was a party of one, I was able to get a great seat that was just a few rows back from the stage. I’ve never sat so close before. It was rad.

I didn’t know much about the show going in other than people seemed to like it, and it won some awards. I was a little worried that I would feel lonely. It was the opposite. I had a great time. The show is terrific. I looooove seeing musicals.

I have awesome people in my life who would absolutely see shows with me anytime. But I think I needed to do this. I need to know that I don’t have to wait for anyone to do the things I want to do. Also, I need more reasons to dress up.


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These are my stories

Yeah, so, I started a creative nonfiction writing class this summer.

It’s through UCLA, and it’s the first time I’ve taken a writing course that wasn’t a journalism class. I was kinda nervous going into it. School is the basis for all my anxiety dreams. You know the one? You’re back in school. There’s a test for a class you didn’t attend all semester. You can’t remember your locker combination. You didn’t do the reading, and you need the class to graduate.

Obviously, this class isn’t like that. It’s not stressful for me to read and write. The grades don’t really matter. I’m learning how to improve upon what I already do. I have a ton of stories on this blog and in my head. I want to put them together in a book, and this class is a step toward doing that.

I’m excited. I’ve wanted to write this book for as long as I can remember. And I think I have enough to say now to finally do it.

Big thanks for Christine, Chelsea, and Nina for giving me the push to take the class and get started.


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Strengthening my decor

Yeah, so, after 11 years of living in this rental house, I finally got permission to paint the big wood-paneled living room.

I’ve wanted to redecorate this room for years, and that desire got stronger what’s his face moved out. I really wanted to make it more my own, something that reflects my taste and personality.

Before – all wood paneling, all the time
Three white walls and a light pink accent wall

It’s pretty fuckin’ cute, right? I really love it. I feel so at home in it, and Calvin loves it. I’d love to get to new carpet, but I don’t think that’s going to be happening any time soon.

I also bought some photos framed, including one of my recent faves – a shot of Toby, Max, and Calvin walking along the beach in Monterey.

One of my favorite recent photos of Toby, Max, and Calvin walking on Monterey beach
My peaclock #punintended

The window behind the TV is always closed, and I never lift the shade. The view from that window is the side of the neighbor’s house. I hung some fake vines with lights over the shade. I clipped some colorful butterflies in it, too. My friend Fred gave me a good idea about changing it up for different holidays – bats and ghosts for Halloween, hearts for Valentine’s Day, etc. I think that would be super fun.

And here’s what it looks like in the evening

The new look makes me really happy.

Up next, I’m going to tackle the room formerly known as the dining room. I got rid of the giant dining room table last year because Calvin and I never eat in there. Now it’s just an open space where I put random shit.

I think I’m going to turn it into a yoga space. I’ve already cleaned it up and organized it. I’ve got some ideas for it. I’ll share it when it’s finished.


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The new chapter

Yeah, so, your girl got her divorce paperwork notarized and sent off. Now I’m just waiting for the judge to approve everything, and the divorce will be final.

After notarizing and dropping off my paperwork, I treated myself to these gorgeous roses.

It felt good to get it done. I put it off for a bit because it made me sad. We were so happy for a long time and then, bang, he cheated, and then he told me he was unhappy. He didn’t put in one iota of work to fix our marriage. He just bailed. He treated me like I was just a girlfriend he had to break up with – like we weren’t married with a family. He emotionally ghosted on me.

That’s pretty shitty. I’ll never get answers and that’s beyond my control. But I’ve done therapy and a lot of journaling and processing to realize that it’s his loss. He walked away from a woman who truly, deeply loved him. I would’ve done anything to make him happy. But he never wanted to share with me what would make him happy. It was easier for him to not do the work and move on with my former friend/his mistress.

BUT, here’s the good news, now I can do anything I want to make ME and CALVIN happy.

There’s so much laughter in this house. We just love being together. We make up silly stories. We make popcorn and watch disaster movies. We sit side-by-side on the couch while he plays Minecraft or Roblox, and I read or play Animal Crossing. Calvin has been asking to sleep in my room with me. (He’s been extra clingy since my ex reintroduced the mistress back into Calvin’s life.) So all of us (me, Calvin, and the two dogs) get in my king-size bed and listen to a story on the Calm app.

We’re making plans to travel this year. My amazing friend Margo’s book is coming out in October, so Calvin and I are going to New York for her book party. Calvin really wants to ride the subway to Coney Island and visit the Bronx Zoo. We were just chatting last night about where we want to go this summer. Maybe back to the Madonna Inn, maybe somewhere new. We haven’t decided but it will definitely involve a big swimming pool.

So, yeah, I’m looking forward to closing that old chapter of my life and starting a new one.


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Fair game

Yeah, so, it’s county fair season!

It’s been a few years since we went to a county fair. So last weekend, Calvin and I met up with our best buddies Beegs, Sass, and Levi for the San Mateo County Fair.

We got there right when it opened, so it wasn’t hot or crowded. Calvin just wanted to ride the Ferris wheels, so we bought those wristbands for unlimited rides. We spent the day riding the same three Ferris wheels, sipping on overpriced drinks, people-watching, and marveling at all the deep-fried food. Someone try the deep-fried watermelon and report back, please.

I’m looking forward to visiting the Alameda and Marin county fairs this year, too. All the Ferris wheels!

Oh, and there was this …


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A royal affair

Yeah, so, I went to a Bridgerton party because I’m so fancy.

I mean, come on. Don’t I look just like Penelope Featherington? Honestly, this dress isn’t that far from my usual toddler grandma style. A yellow and pink dress is pretty on-brand for me. I don’t normally wear a tiara, but I think I might start.

My friend Chelsea invited me, and her party was delightful. So much food, such nice people. Chelsea and her family went all out for the party. There was even a Lady Whistledown scandal sheet with the hot goss on all the guests.

I had no idea that there were so many vegan options in the Regency era.
Selfie by Chelsea

I’ll get my money’s worth out of this outfit because my sister Michelle and our honorary sister Amanda have tickets to the Bridgerton Experience in July. Did I say tickets? I meant VIP tickets because – as I mentioned – we’re so fancy.

Skaters gonna skate

In other news, I went rollerskating for the first time in forever. I finally got to break in my amazing rose gold skates.

I went to Church of 8 Wheels on a quiet Tuesday night with my office buddies. We practically had the place to ourselves, which was perfect because I was really afraid of falling and breaking a hip. I was pretty nervous when I got there, but Christina (a former roller derby girl!) gave me some good tips. It took me a while to warm up, but I eventually felt comfortable, and I didn’t fall once. #humblebrag

Yeah, I’m sweaty in this photo, so what? Roller skating is a workout, m’kay?

What a disaster

So, yeah, Calvin is super into disaster movies right now.

This all started when he was peeping over my shoulder while I watched “Independence Day” on my iPad during F This Movie’s F This Movie Fest. He was intrigued and asked if I’d put it on the TV. He looooved it. He asked if there were other movies like this.

“Ummm, YES!”

So far, we’ve watched “The Day After Tomorrow,” “Geostorm,” “Volcano,” “Jurassic Park,” and most recently (and my favorite) “Speed.” He discovered “The Day After Tomorrow” and “Geostorm” himself on YouTube. (Damn you, YouTube).

On our weekends together, we pop some popcorn and watch a disaster movie. This makes me so happy. I love watching movies. It’s one of my favorite things. If disaster movies are what gets Calvin into movies, then YAY!

Corny.

If you have any disaster movie recommendations, the comments are open. I’m hesitant to show him movies such as “Twister” or “San Andreas” because they’re things that could really happen. San Francisco doesn’t get tornados, but they do exist. Right?! Tornados are real. I haven’t checked to see what Fox News claims. Earthquakes definitely happen in SF, and I don’t want Calvin (or myself 😂) having panic attacks worrying about earthquakes.

Take care of yourself

I know that everything feels terrible and scary right now. There’s been many mass shootings here in the U.S. over the past few weeks. It can feel overwhelming. When things like this happen, and sadly they happen too often in this country, I drunk dial my representatives and encourage them to push for gun control legislation. I donate to organizations that fight for what’s right such as Everytown for Gun Safety. And remember, be gentle with yourself. ♥️ It’s a lot, all of the time.


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Untethered

Yeah, so, I’ve been thinking so much about this post from writer Clementine Ford.

I don’t think I’m being sneered at, but I do think some people feel sorry for me. I had what I believed was a happy, little family until I didn’t. But, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m happy.

I mean, it sucks that my husband cheated on me and now I get to see my kid 50% of the time. It’s not my favorite thing that’s happened to me. And yeah, the state of the world is a shitshow. AND, I don’t know how much longer I’ll have rights in this country since I’m a woman. AND sure, Covid rates are increasing. AND, in general, it seems like the bad guys are winning and suffering no consequences for their bad behavior.

BUT, other than that, I’m happy.

Calvin is great. Work is good. My dogs are adorable. The house is getting cuter and cozier with every little redecoration. I love just hanging out here in my space. And that’s why I keep thinking about that Clementine Ford post.

When I’m here in the house I can truly relax. The house is a little oasis from the pressures of the outside world. I can just be here, and do what I want without the weight of someone else’s needs or expectations. (Even when Calvin is here, I never have to worry about him because he’s always honest. He knows who he is, and he tells you what he wants.) I don’t have to negotiate to get my needs met. I’m not sitting in my own home with hurt feelings because my partner is constantly resenting me, rejecting me, not communicating with me, and gaslighting me. What a treat!

At first, my newfound free time was something I feared. It was a reminder that my happy, little family was gone, and I was alone now. I looked for things to just fill the time. Puzzles, reading, writing, painting, drawing on my iPad, walking the dogs, and my ever-growing watch list: They were just things to do to keep me from crying and pass the time until Calvin came home.

Now I’m getting protective of that time. When I make plans, I make sure I’m leaving time for myself to do those things. And that’s because I’m enough. My company is enough. Of course, I miss Calvin when he’s not here. But I also look forward to that me time. I used to dread it, but now I need it. I get to recharge, which means I’m more present when I do go out and see other people. They’re getting the full Sonia experience (if that’s good or bad, I’ll leave that up to them to decide).


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You’re so vain you probably think this whole blog is about you

Yeah, so, I recently learned that my soon-to-be ex-husband and my ex-friend/his mistress read my blog.

Why are they reading it? I have no idea.

Hey, we did this really shitty, hurtful thing to someone. I can’t wait to read about how shitty and hurtful it was.

Imagine doing what they did and then taking the time to go to my blog and read about how much it hurt me, AND THEN thinking you’re the victim.

I know we cheated on our spouses and destroyed two families, but what about meeeeeee and my feeeeeeeelings.”

Seriously, you won. You get to be together. You lied to two people who really loved you and broke their hearts. And 10 points to Slytherin (which I assume is your house) because your spouses, who did nothing wrong, only get to see their child 50% of the time now. Good job. Really. I’m sure it’s true love, and it will work out great for you, and it won’t end when one of you does the same exact thing to the other. That never happens.

So, yeah, I’ve blocked them on all social media channels because they’re not my friends. I don’t want to see their photos or read their tweets, and they can’t see mine. But I can’t control who reads this blog, so if they want to read it they can. This brings me back to my original question: Why?

If they had a blog I wouldn’t read it, because I don’t need to know what they’re doing or how they’re feeling. Are they reading it because maybe their friends read it, and now their friends know the truth? Well, I’d ask why they weren’t being honest with their friends in the first place. And then I’d wonder if they were being honest with themselves. I suspect the answer is no. I believe it was the genius poet Lizzo who said, “Truth hurts.”

Knowing that they’re reading it isn’t going to stop me from writing about whatever I want or need to write. This blog is for me. It’s not for them. You don’t like it, don’t read it. And as a friend recently told me, “The high road can get fucked.”


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Forgiving myself

Yeah, so, at some point I’ll forgive myself for being so trusting. Not just when it comes to my soon-to-be ex-husband, but also with the woman who pretended to be my friend.

I realize that she’s not the one who stood up in front of all our friends and family and made a vow. I don’t singularly blame her for their affair and destroying two marriages and families. It takes two. But we were supposedly friends. I say “supposedly” because I look back now, and I wonder if it was ever about me. Maybe it was about my husband all along.

When she expressed interest in my interests, I thought she was just trying to find ways to connect with me and create a friendship. She was into wine, but then she started getting into beer because I was into beer. She wanted to go to yoga with me. I started Weight Watchers, and then she started Weight Watchers, even though she didn’t need to lose weight. I bought roller skates, and then she bought roller skates. Sometimes I feel like she Single White Female-d me. And it worked.

I’m a good person, who was nothing but super nice to her. She knew how much I loved my little family. My soon-to-be ex and I were a good team (or so I thought), raising an amazing autistic son and having fun wherever we went.

I’ve survived breast cancer twice. I’ve had a mastectomy, and one time I even confided to her that I was insecure about my fake breasts after those surgeries. That I didn’t think I was attractive anymore. That I was flawed and broken, and no one would ever love me or want me, but my husband did, and I was so lucky. LOL! So naive. Instead of being a good friend to me, she saw it as an opportunity. Our friendship didn’t matter. My family didn’t matter. I didn’t matter. She made her move, and it worked.

I’m sure she’s really proud of herself. The work she put into learning about my family and my ex really paid off for her. And now these two people can be together knowing that they’re with the kind of person who would lie to the people who care about them the most and break up their family for funsies. How cool! Good luck with that.

I’ve definitely thought about trying to forgive and forget, and move on. But fuck that. I think the great poet Taylor Swift said it best …

And I am moving on. And I’m so proud of the person I am. I’m smarter, stronger, and more capable than I thought.

I’ve always been a trusting person. I’m a very open person who is generous with my heart and my time. And I make friends easily, because I’m a curious person who asks a lot of questions, and I’m very good at making people feel comfortable. I like that about myself. I’ve always thought of it as a gift.

But sometimes I do wonder if I’m too trusting. Should I be more guarded when I make new friends? It’s not like I have another husband for a friend to steal so maybe I don’t need to worry about it.


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Quiet please

Yeah, so, we had a product summit this week at work with many, many meetings and breakout rooms. And even me, the extrovert is emotionally exhausted.

Luckily, we have Friday off. Here’s actual footage of me walking toward Friday.

We have the second Friday off every month, and we’re calling it “Recharge Friday.” Last month I decided to go all-in on the recharge: I got a massage and mani-pedi. This Recharge Friday I think I’m going to veg out. I’m recording What a Creep in the morning, but after that, I’m looking forward to an entire day of not talking.

I think I need some serious quiet time, and by quiet time, I mean me not talking, which goes against everything I stand for.

I’m going to read and catch up on an Oscar-nominated movie or two. I also got this amazing puzzle at the recommendation of my friend Christine …

This week in podcasting

We talked about Jerry Lewis on this week’s What a Creep. He sucks.

And over at Dorking Out, Margo and I talked about “The Rock,” starring Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery. I loooove talking about San Francisco movies, and this was no exception.